What I Have Learned from My Internship at a Father’s Walk

(From Matt): Today's blog post comes from a recent intern here at AFW named Connor Sterchi. Here are his words of what he learned from his internship. I pray you are as blessed by his words as I am by his work and friendship...

            From February to May 2014 I interned at A Father’s Walk (AFW).  It has been a rewarding and fruitful experience and I am confident that much of what I have learned will remain with me throughout my spiritual, familial, and vocational life.
 

            Before I worked as an intern at AFW, I knew that it was important for a father to be involved in the lives of his kids.  I knew this partly from biblical precedent (e.g. Deut. 4:9; 6:7; Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4) and partly from personal experience (e.g. the meaningful and lasting impact of my own dad’s involvement in my life).  I was blessed to have been raised by a loving mom and dad, both of whom were consistently involved in my life.  Before interning at AFW, I understood the importance of fatherhood involvement when it comes to the healthy development and growth of children.

            What I didn’t know, however, was that a father’s involvement in the life of his kids is not just supplemental—it’s fundamental.  I didn’t know that the positive advantages of fatherhood involvement (e.g. increase in children’s educational performance) are as potent as the negative consequences of fatherhood absence (e.g. children from fatherless homes are 20 times more likely to end up in prison, 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders, 32 times more likely to run away, 9 times more likely to drop out of high school). When I presented these statistics for my internship class presentation at Calvin College, my classmates were visibly flabbergasted by these figures.

            At the moment I’m still single.  I’m not a father—not even close to being one.  But I have garnered several lessons from my time at AFW that will invariably carry over to the future if, God willing, I become a father one day.  I want to be a Christ-like example for my kids in every aspect of life.  That would include fathering in a way that is heartfelt and even-tempered, reading the Bible and praying with them daily, going to church with them consistently.  From my time at AFW, I have learned that those last three items cannot be underestimated.  We are living in a day and age in which children are exposed to manifold messages and philosophies—from school, from friends, from teachers, from commercials, from television shows.    But the good from these external sources is often eclipsed by the godlessness, materialism, exploitation, objectification, and idolatry that are inherent in many of the modern-day messages that kids are exposed to incessantly.  Thus, fathers—whether married, remarried, divorced, or single—should be aware of the pivotal role that they have in the lives of their kids as critical influencers—for better or for worse.

            I will always remember something that Matt Haviland said to me during one of our meetings: If fathers don’t influence their children, someone or something else will.  That’s a true and proven axiom.  Yet how readily is that God-given and sacred responsibility of fathers avoided, deferred, neglected, or set aside. Recently while listening to Moody Radio, I heard a pastor talking about the significance of parents when it comes to the spiritual lives of their children.  He said that children are like concrete.  When concrete is first poured, it is still soft and watery, still pliable.  But soon after it is poured, it hardens and permanently solidifies… So I want to be a dad that invests time and energy into the lives of my kids—a dad that speaks genuinely and frequently about “the praises of the LORD, and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done” (Psa. 78:4 NASB).

            Though as a single man without kids, I can only speak hopefully and expectantly about fatherhood.  I can learn and garner much from fathers—whether married or single—that have experienced the struggles, triumphs, successes, failures, and lessons that inevitably come with the territory of being a father.  So while I would love to have a family and kids one day, my hope and prayer is that I would submit to God’s sovereign and secret will, whatever it might be and wherever it might lead.  And I know that whatever it takes to be a good father—love, peace, patience, steadfastness, faithfulness, resolution, fortitude, integrity, or endurance—cannot possibly come from my own strength or willpower.  It can only come from the triune God who is the giver and provider of “every good and perfect gift” (Jas. 1:7) and “the sustainer of my soul” (Psa. 54:4; cf. Jer. 31:25; Isa. 40:29; Gal. 5:22; 2 Tim. 1:7).