As parents,
we live for those unexpected moments when our kids surprise us with words or
acts of love. For us fathers, those words will always have the ability to melt
our hearts- no matter how old they get or how tough we think we are. Such was
the case of some time I recently spent with my daughter.
Backstory first: My daughter’s mother and I aren’t on
the best of terms, we never have been. I will take some ownership here, but I
can truly say for the past several years I’ve been trying to work on a civil
co-parenting relationship with her. On top of that, circumstances at her house
have clearly been affecting my daughter lately. (Anyone who has been in a
similar situation can feel me on this one.) It’s tough: a constant war between
the flesh, which wants to badmouth Mom and “let her have it”; or remaining in
the Spirit, talking it through with my daughter, and praying for them both during
my quiet time. I choose option “B”. I have now been addressing the entire
situation in prayer over the past couple months. Which brings me to this past
weekend…
I was
tucking my daughter in and although we haven’t had many episodes lately, she
began to cry and share with me some of her personal thoughts and feelings. It
was nothing bad or dangerous, she was just opening her heart to me. As I
listened I gently rubbed her back and when I had the chance to talk, I chose
words to build her mother up, explain how I saw the situation, and offered her
some options of how she could talk it over with Mommy. Then the words that
leveled me: “You always make me feel
better”. Wow! Did that ever light me up inside! Just hearing that as a
father tells me I’m on the right track, but I see it as way bigger than that. For
all of the times I’ve sought God out to give me direction and help me to pray
for my daughter’s mother, this was a clear example of how He has moved in me
and now my daughter is being blessed by it. If I had allowed my flesh to rise
up I surely could have said some things that would have affected my daughter negatively;
let alone hinder my ability to parent in a godly way. Instead, I set my
personal feelings aside and remained obedient by regularly praying for someone
I did not care to pray for. The result is a blessing that I am hoping will one
day become a legacy for my family. Sure, things are far from OK; but I truly
believe that moments like this will build a foundation and a confidence in my
daughter to help her cope with any of life’s difficulties she encounters over
the years to come.
If you find yourself in a similar
situation, I
encourage you to remember the example points below and get these (or similar)
verses in your mind for when you need them most:
1.
It’s not about you. Focus on how you react to any
adverse situation and where your heart is from the beginning. Who’s going to be
in charge: you or Him?
He must increase, but I must
decrease. –John
3:30
2.
Testing produces character. We simply cannot acquire on a whim
the proven character or strength needed to push through some situations. It
doesn’t take patience (short-term); it takes perseverance (long-suffering). See
Romans
5:3-5, James 1:2-4, and 1Peter 5:10 for further understanding.
3.
Keep everything covered in prayer- regardless if you are seeing any
changes or not. Often times God is using a trial as a test to prepare us for
bigger and better things down the line. It is crucial not to sell yourself
short in this area and to stay focused on what He may be teaching you.
But you, when you pray, go into your
inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your
Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. –Matt
6:6
“The one concern of the
devil is to keep Christians from praying. He fears nothing from prayerless
studies, prayerless work, and prayerless religion. He laughs at our toil, mocks
at our wisdom, but trembles when we pray.” –Samuel Chadwick
Try to keep
in mind that it isn’t the other parent (or whomever) that our struggle is
against; it’s the forces behind it all (Eph
6:12). Don’t try to fight a spiritual battle in the flesh- it won’t work.
Do your battles behind closed doors and on your knees. Not only will you have a
greater potential for victory, but what you learn and the character you develop
along the way will help you leave a legacy that can last for generations.
