Making Time for What Matters the Most

Here is the latest article of mine from Crosswalk, posted a couple weeks ago:

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/single-parents/making-time-for-what-matters-most.html?ps=0

Super DADS

For any father (single or married) in Kent County, MI. This is a FREE event and will include dinner and prizes. Please register by Friday Sept 20th by calling Latesha at (616) 331-5954.

Is He Lord?

God’s Word will tear you up- no doubt about that. We know it may not always be comfortable (often isn’t), but His ways are perfect and the end result is always greater than we could ever imagine. So when I was digging through the Gospels the other day and came across two extremely firm statements of Jesus’, they pierced deep into my heart:

“But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord’ and not do the things which I say?” –Luke 6:46

“If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed.” –John 8:31

I had a great conversation with a gentleman last night who is battling a pretty tough stronghold. As we talked, I explained to him that although his intentions to be a better husband, father, and employee were all honorable attributes, he would never reach that point if he was keeping Jesus on the sidelines (that goes for all of us). As sinful individuals, we always want to give God almost everything- but hold onto that one part of us that we cannot let go of. A mentor of mine calls this a “pet sin”: http://afatherswalkgr.blogspot.com/2013/08/letting-go-of-nut-in-your-life.html

It is only when we are able to finally reach that point of surrendering ourselves fully to the Lord that the other areas in our life can then be healed, restored, and blessed- not the other way around.

We tend to hold on to these pet sins, unhealthy emotions, and forms of character, all of which are an idol of some sort- and they all they all hinder us from reaching our true potential. Even I tend to not to let some things go because they have been such a big part of my life for so long and I honestly sometimes cannot envision what my life would be like without them. But then yesterday the Lord spoke clear as day to me: “Matt, I want to take you to the next level, but cannot if you are still holding on to these things.” God can only work with what we are willing to give Him. The sad truth is that although we worship every weekend the price that Christ paid for us, we completely diminish it when He asks the same in return.

There isn’t a single part in the Bible that says it’s okay to give God anything less than our best. The cool thing about that is what Jesus says next in John: “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (v 32) If we want to live the life God intended for us- then we need to be intentional about living our lives for Him.

The Perception of Single Fatherhood

Here's the link to an article I wrote for Crosswalk a few weeks ago on the above topic:

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/single-parents/the-perception-of-single-fatherhood.html?ps=0

Non-Custodial Single Dads and Back to School

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial… -James 1:12 (NASB)

It’s back to school time and there are a thousands of blogs, articles, interviews, and whatnot going out on the subject (no pun intended); but I seriously doubt many (maybe a few tops) will deal with non-custodial single fathers. I’m not saying that to brag that I had some Devine vision or anything, but I definitely don’t want to be redundant and repeat what countless other authors are agreeing or disagreeing on. Instead, I will stick with my little niche here and do my best to help those dads that often fall through the cracks.

As most of you may know, I have been a non-custodial dad since day one. The upcoming school year always brings up a variety of emotions for me. Of course there is always excitement and some good old-fashioned (not sinful) daddy-pride as my daughter ventures into a new grade. The wonder of what we will get to do and experience and watching as it all unfolds over the course of the year is always super fun. Yet, there is usually a bit of anxiety that I need to lay down too. Things have changed over the past couple years for me. My daughter’s mom got married and that has brought in a variety of dynamics and complications- especially when it comes to school. Rather than dwell on boring downers, let’s take a brief and thorough look at what we as dads can do to make sure our kids not only have a blast this school year, but thrive and succeed too

Pray

Do the math. Even in two parent homes our kids are usually in someone else’s care more than our own. As single fathers, that ratio is even more lopsided. Ezekiel 22:30 says God is looking for a man to “stand in the gap” on behalf of others. As fathers, that should be our number one priority when our children are away from us. Be specific: cover them in safety, blessing, schoolwork, friendships, decision-making, and so on. And of course, make sure you are praying with them every chance you get as well.

Stay Involved

Numerous studies have shown that children with active and engaged fathers, especially in schoolwork, are generally more confident and emotionally stable, deal with stress better, and do better overall in school and cognitive ability. I know our time with our kids may be limited, but play time is not what we are called to do- leading and preparing our children for adulthood is. Use your time with your kids to get homework done first- then go play. If you don’t have access to homework, stay in the loop by reading with them, doing flash cards, and various educational workbooks from the store. For older kids make sure you emphasize the importance of them staying on track with schoolwork and maybe even use the time together to do some research on certain topics. Whatever helps them to grow and spend quality time with their dad is a plus.

Go around if need be

Look, peace with mom should always be a top goal of ours (Matt 22:39). However, that may not always be possible. It seems like every year I have to go to the school and make sure my contact info is in my daughter’s file; that I have to contact the teachers on the side to stay updated; and schedule a separate conference. Do your own homework and get on the school’s website or email the teacher directly to learn more information. What I’ve found out is most of the time schools and teachers LOVE having dads involved. Of course, do everything in a Christ-like way and never bad mouth the other party.

Be at school events

This is an area so many dads miss out on- even the married ones. As long as there are no outside factors inhibiting you such as work schedule or worse- legal documents (like a PPO), then making it to your son’s or daughter’s games, concerts, conferences, and other events should be mandatory. Not only does this increase your physical presence in their life- but also the emotional. It shows them that you really care and once they are grown and look back on life, they will be able to say, “My dad was always there as much as he could be.” You can also look for other opportunities to see them, like volunteering through the school or getting involved in great programs such as Watch D.O.G.S.

I realize all of this may or may not apply to your particular situation, and I’m sure there is probably some other scenarios I did not cover. The point is that as single dads, communication between us and mom, the school, and perhaps our children isn’t always the smoothest; but no matter what, we need to make the strongest effort we can to stay involved and encouraging when it comes to our kids’ schooling. Steward to the best of your ability the things that are within your control- and leave the rest in God’s hands. When you do, you not only fill your obligation as a godly dad, but develop strong character traits that help you grow in your walk with Christ.

Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength…Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord. –Jer 17:5,7 (NKJV)