Ten Deadly Traps Single Fathers Fall Into: Loss of Identity

It’s so easy to put our self-worth in other things, even for Christians. We can become complacent over a longer period of time, especially if things are going well; or we never develop any sort of healthy self-perception to begin with. Either way, failure to put our identity in anything other than Jesus Christ can and eventually will fail. To the single father who may have recently lost his marriage and/or children, a lifestyle that seemed unbreakable, or even to the one who was never shown who he is as a man by his own dad, this can be a crucial time to regaining that foundation. We tend to believe the lies of others when we are down, and that is when our enemy can REALLY get a foothold!

They say it is too hard to build a house in a storm; that we need to do so before or after we get hit. If in fact you find yourself as a single father coping with loss of identity as a man, provider, father, or any other area, then now is the best time to begin the rebuilding process. Dive headfirst into prayer on a regular basis. Develop a personal relationship with God and learn who you are through His eyes, not other’s. Surround yourself with a strong support system and seek out Christian counseling if necessary.


Once you’ve been able to break through this stronghold, perseverance through the tough times becomes a main focus. Paul, Peter, and James all tell us in one form or another that it is through the trials that we develop godly character (Rom 5:3-5, James 1:2-4, 1Pet 4:12-13, 5:10). Keep building on your relationship with the Lord and whenever possible, stay in open communication with your children. It only takes a few loving words from our sons or daughters on what we mean to them as dads to really pump life back into us! Above all, know that you are an invaluable part of their life, whether or not they live with you full time. Keep your eyes upward and take your position in Christ the way that He sees you: as His creation, worthy to die for, and strong enough to care for His children.

 

For you have been born again not of a seed that is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God. -1Pet 1:23 (NASB)

Ten Deadly Traps Single Fathers Fall Into: "Anger"

Over the next several months we will explore a variety of “traps” single fathers (and single mothers) can fall into if they are not on alert. We will discuss why these things happen, how to overcome them, and hopefully- STAY out of them!


If left unaddressed, anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness can consume us- eventually seeping over into multiple areas of our lives. Single parenting brings in brokenness, and often we reap the consequences of someone else’s actions. We are left hurt, scarred, or maybe even hopelessly damaged. Anger is a God-given emotion, but only when used in the proper context. Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:26-27 “Be angry and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity” (NASB). Just like chipping away at ice on a lake, the longer we leave it attended, our heart can become hardened more and more- eventually to the point where it seems impenetrable.


The ability to overcome anger, hurt, or bitterness begins with our personal relationship with Christ. Depending on where you are at with this, God reveals that it isn’t as much about us forgiving someone else (though that’s the goal), but rather, about us receiving His forgiveness first. Only when we can come to a point of realizing the magnitude of what Jesus did on the cross for us to save us from eternal condemnation can we really get to the point where forgiving others becomes unconditional. I challenge you to seek the Lord out through prayer and the Word; asking Him to bring to the surface the emotions that are holding you back and the strength to lay it down once and for all.


Even if we are able to overcome a wrong(s) that has been done against us, whether by someone else’s doing or our own, chances are something else will come up again in the future. The key is strengthening ourselves for when the tough moments do come. Think of it like this: in the gym “resistance equals growth”. If we want to make gains towards getting in shape then we must apply the proper weight (resistance) to our efforts. Eventually, we become more conditioned to handle the challenge. Same is true here: difficult times and people will cross our paths, but when we have a solid relationship with God through prayer and Scripture, we are able to push through what was once too difficult.


Overcoming anger or bitterness is not an easy task; but when we are able to fully surrender this area of our lives to the Lord on a regular basis, we avoid a dangerous trap- and experience tremendous freedom in return.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. –James 1:2-4 (NASB)