Dads of Daughters on Valentine's Day

My wife is the bomb!
    

I love reminding her she is the most important person in the world to me. Valentine's Day is one of the times I can show her all day long. But why is it my mind also drifts toward my three girls on V Day? 

My eldest daughter is grown and lives three states away from me. I have two more daughters still at home. Yet each Valentine's Day my heart is drawn to show them affection as well.
  
I think it's because of an unbreakable connection a girl and a daddy share. Even abusive dads who have done horrible things to their kids have this connection (however damaged) that girls can never sever as hard as they try.
    
That's why we dads—especially if divorce touched our family—must carefully steward that rope that is forever connected to our daughter's heart.
    
I often fail to do this well. Just being male brings misunderstandings between us. I bark orders that, to me, are just observations or requests. Like a coach that spurs on his team. I don’t expect anyone to take it personal.

"Let's go! Comb your hair, get your shoes on, you're gonna be late. Watch the clock. Why are you staring out the window? Get going!"

I'm just asking questions and making observations. I'm not angry, nor do I have anything against them.

What my girls often hear is a prison sergeant hissing out angry oppressive accusations.

(Heavy sigh). Girls are so sensitive.

So when Valentine's Day approaches, I want to show them how loved they are. I want to let them know how crazy I am about them. They are all intelligent, clever, and beautiful young ladies that have to ability to transform this world. I'm proud to be connected to them.

What better time to show this than V Day. Of course I never want to place my girls in a position of replacing the romantic relationship I can only find with a wife. Putting them in that role is unhealthy and a little weird. Yet I see a lot of single parents do this. That is dysfunctional and unfair to the child, but that's a topic for another day.

What I'm talking about is buying a cute stuffed bear or some candy hearts for your little girl. Or if she's older, a nice card. Until she's finally married off, she must know that YOU are her knight in shining armor. Your extravagant affection might just keep your young teen from looking elsewhere for love.

For the record, it's my belief that after your daughter is married, her husband should be the one filling those needs. It's time for Dad to step back and let Mr. Right do his job.

So what ways do you model how precious your daughter is? Comment below and share how you have trained your daughter what to expect from a man—how they should be honored and loved. 

 

Tez Brooks is the author of The Single Dad Detour and director of Every Single Dad ministry. For more information, please visit http://www.everysingledad.com.   

Steve Repak's 6 Week Money Challenge for Your Personal Finances

Did you know that financial matters are mentioned in the Bible more often than prayer, healing, or mercy? Fifteen percent of everything Jesus taught was on the topic of money and possessions—more than his teachings on heaven and hell combined.


Why would the Bible give so much attention to money when Matthew 6:33 assures us that we don’t need to focus on worldly matters such as our bank balance? It says that so long as we seek the kingdom of God, we have nothing to worry about. Yet the sad truth is that most people are only one paycheck away from a financial disaster, and too many of us are consumed by money worries. If you sometimes catch yourself spending more time stressing about money than growing your relationship with God, you are not alone. Though the Bible tells us to place our trust in our eternal security, all too often our attention is focused on concerns about our temporary security.

A little about me: After I graduated high school, I decided to join the Army. When I completed basic training, it was the first time I saw real money. I took home about $700 every two weeks. The ironic part is that while my clothes, housing, and food were paid for by the military, I would always find myself with no money in the bank. I thought that buying a bunch of stuff would make up for all the things I had to go without when I was a child. After about a year in the Army, I got my first credit card. I don’t think the ink was even dry on the back of the card when I already had it maxed out.

I was promoted to Private First Class. A higher rank meant a higher salary, and that higher salary afforded me the opportunity to get another credit card. Soon after, I had that credit card maxed out. You might be thinking to yourself that I would eventually catch on, but the cycle continued to repeat. I would get promoted, make more money, get another credit card, and max it out. As long as I could make the minimum payments, I thought I had a handle on my credit card debt. I told myself that the next time I got promoted I would have enough money to pay off my credit cards. I’m sorry to say that when I left the Army after twelve years, financially all I had to show for it was $32,000 of credit card debt.

Now comes the best part! God opened a door for me in finance. I hadn’t planned on a finance career, but one of the contacts I had made in the Army saw a talent in me that I hadn’t yet discovered. Through that contact, I became an investment representative for a national broker-dealer in El Paso, Texas. There I was, fresh out of the Army, $32,000 in credit card debt, with nothing in savings or put away for retirement, and my job was to help other people with their finances. Using Biblical principles I was able to completely eradicate all of the debt. Later on, I authored a book to help others overcome financial debt:

 

Week 1 is one of the most important parts of the book because it lays the biblical foundations of personal finance. You will learn what God says about money and how much you should give of your time and of your financial resources.

Week 2 is all about spending. It is very important to take control of your spending because your spending affects your savings, credit, and retirement needs.

Week 3 is where you will learn how to put together a plan for reducing and eventually getting out of debt. It also provides advice on smart ways to improve your credit score.

Week 4 covers short-term savings and the basics of investing, including how to determine your savings and investment goals, and the different types of investment risks.

Week 5 looks at the important financial documents you should have in place—such as wills and powers of attorney—and touches on life insurance.

Week 6 is your chance to review everything you have learned. You will conduct an assessment to see what you have been doing well and which areas you need to continue working on.

Some of the chapters might be more challenging than others, just as in life some things are harder than others. The key is that you can’t grow unless you challenge yourself.  For some of you, what you are about to read may not be new—but it will serve as a great refresher.  I ask you to spend some time, be willing to make some sacrifices, and constantly pray for strength and guidance from God because I believe your finances, your relationships, your life, and whatever else is important to you will be everything you ever dreamed of if you do it God’s way.

 

Steve Repak, Certified Financial Planner™, Financial Literacy Speaker, Army Veteran, and the Author of 6 Week Money Challenge: For Your Personal Finances.

www.steverepak.com

www.facebook.com/steverepakauthor
www.twitter.com/steverepak

Can Moms And Dads Learn To Be Sons?

My world was disrupted a few years ago when I joined a new church fellowship and heard the pastor and others speak about God the Father as ‘Daddy God’. I was offended with the seemingly casualness of their relationship with the Father. My pastor described how he used to climb into bed with his toddler daughter, and she would have to fall asleep with him face to face, but she always wanted her mommy. The story unfolded as one night his daughter looked him in the face, clutching his hair and said “Daddy, I choose you.”   

Although this story offended my mind, I would weep with the pursuit of this daddy for the heart of his beloved daughter. My dad had never pursued me; he was an alcoholic and abused my mom. My ex-husband never pursued my children. There was a little girl inside of me created to be relentless pursued by Daddy God and He offended my mind to reveal my heart.

I thought I had ‘gotten it’. I had raised 4 children to KNOW the voice of the Father, imparting a love for the Father, turning and asking advice from the Father. But as I reflected on this Daddy’s Delightful heart, and relentless pursuit; I knew I had missed a very key component of who God was and He wanted to take me on a journey.

I had been down a similar path before, many times. But the most profound was when I went through my divorce and God began to speak to me about being my Husband. Again, great offense was taken as He highlighted scripture passages about being my Husband. I reluctantly said yes to His invitation and went on the most incredible journey of restoration and hope as bit by bit He broke through the hard, broken pieces of my shattered heart. He not only restored my heart, He built a solid foundation from which I will forever live my life on…a foundation of LOVE.  

 

The adventure into sonship has been no different. Apparently, from Heaven’s perspective, there was a gaping hole in my life called “who are you as beloved daughter?” And as the Holy Spirit highlighted this by showing me the offense in my heart, I determined to jump into the river of His Delight, and discover yet another deep truth of Abba’s love.

As I reflect on these adventures, I realize that the Lord lovingly takes me through similar steps to reveal His heart to me, and root me and ground me in the knowledge of His love.

·        I realize a void in my life. Maybe I am in continual crisis and I need Him as my Shalom. When I was fighting in court for custody of my children I needed Him to show Himself as the Righteous Judge. Over and over, the spaces in my life are invitations for the Lord to make His name known.

·        I begin to explore His attributes. I might do a word search on Provider, or Judge. Or as in the case with Jesus as the Bridegroom, I spent 4 years of my life studying, prayer journaling, and meditating on a whole book of the bible: The Song of Solomon. 

·        I PRAY. Prayer for me is a 2-way dialogue. I talk to my Daddy about what I feel, oftentimes I will get images or pictures of past events, or my imagination kicks in and I use it to encounter an approachable God.

·        I use the language that I am stumbling over. I begin to add the words to my vocabulary. This has had a powerful impact on my life. I am working the reality into my heart by using my words to establish the truth and my heart and actions begin to follow.

·        I study others who carry this revelation. In the case of sonship, I watched children run to their daddy’s, I watched dads sweep their little girls in their arms, I even watched some YouTube videos with good and not so good dads. All of this helped me sort through my paradigm of Daddy.

·        I looked at JESUS…the Son who is the EXACT representation of the Father. Jesus and the Father are one. By studying His character, His response to the hurt and broken, His passion as Abba, I began to connect deeper to the heart of my Daddy.

All of this helped me trust the intimacy of who Daddy is. All of this helped me begin to walk as a daughter, a beloved, adored, treasured daughter. This helped me accept my Dad’s jealousy over me and trust His leadership. It has helped me in my relationship with my adult children. Understanding the heart of Daddy God empowers me to represent my Dad here on earth better. And, if Jesus, the firstborn Son came to represent the Father, shouldn’t that be my mission on earth too? I want to represent my Daddy well and I cannot do that if I don’t know Him.

So, have you met Daddy God? Whether you are a father or mother, do you comprehend God’s Delight in you as a son or daughter?

As a single parent, our focus is on parenting well; but what abundant joy we can impart to our kids from the place of being the Beloved!  He is wooing us all into a deeper knowledge of this love…Can you hear the whisper of the Lord, “who will run with me?”

Misty Honnold is the founder and director of The Single Mom KC, an author for various websites, and speaker on multiple single parenting topics. For more information, please visit http://thesinglemomkc.org.

A New Kind of Reconciliation With a Former Spouse

Our first guest blogger this month is a very close friend of mine. Clare DeGraff has been a spiritual mentor for hundreds of men, including me. He is also a friend, brother in Christ, and a truly genuine representation of a Christ-follower. I pray you are blessed by his words here. –Matt

Almost every divorced Christian I know cannot imagine reconciling with their former spouse.  So much hurt, so many bitter words and fights. “Clare, why would I take that risk and jump back into that snake pit again?”

Not only are there those risks, but in most cases one or both of the spouses have remarried.  “So, Clare even if I wanted to reconcile with my ex it is impossible.”

Surprisingly, it isn’t.  At least, not the kind of reconciliation I’m encouraging.

So what follows is the advice I gave to a divorced man recently that you may want to pass on to a divorced friend, or anyone at odds with another believer.

Webster defines reconcile this way; “to cause people or groups to become friendly again after an argument or disagreement.”

The Bible says this, “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” - Luke 6:27,28

 

Reconciling with your “ex”

While you may be legally divorced from your former spouse, if he/she is a believer they are still your spiritual brother and sister.  And it is the will of God that we live reconciled to one another and in peace.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” -2Corinthians 13:11

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”  -Galatians 5:22

Peace is not only one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, but we’re to use all of our spiritual gifts to bring about peace.

Continuing my conversation with this man, “You’re not only expected to make an effort to live at peace with your ‘ex,’ it’s to your advantage to do so;” Why?

 

First, it’s a testimony to the power of the Holy Spirit to your children.

If you have children, for the rest of your life, you and your ex will have to negotiate holidays, weddings, birthdays, graduation and special events, even those of your grandchildren.  What a wonderful testimony to them of how Christians ought to live, even with people who disagree, if both you and your ex could attend and be kind and courteous to one another, so no innocent parties are made to feel uncomfortable.

Second, you will have peace of mind and your prayers will not be hindered.

This may be hard to hear; but unless you’ve had a biblical divorce, biblically speaking, your ex is still your spouse, in God’s eyes.  And therefore when you are bitter or angry with your spouse it’s tougher to pray with a free conscience. (1 Peter 3:7)

Third, Jesus commands us to attempt to make peace even if you are the innocent party!

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,” -Matthew 5:23.  Jesus isn’t saying if you have something against them.  He’s talking about them having hard feelings about you.  Perhaps your spouse still harbors hard feelings toward you.  You have an obligation to try to make peace

To harbor hateful thoughts is a sin.

“But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” -Matthew 5:22
 

My final thought is this; you have no control over whether your ex will accept your offer of reconciliation and peace.  But you do have the responsibility as a believer to make a sincere effort.

 

Making the first moves

1.     Begin by praying for a receptive spirit in your former spouse, or another person whom you are at odds.

2.     Consider calling you ex and offering to meet with a godly friend you both trust, who is willing to help you navigate this reconciliation.  (If you or your ex have remarried, it would be very unwise to meet without a third person present.)

3.     Attempt to move beyond open hostility and discuss continuing tensions and how to eliminate or minimize them.

4.     If you come to a mutual understanding about how you will handle certain issues, put it in writing.  It will give both of you something to refer to in the future.

5.     Covenant to pray for one another.  I’ve yet to meet two “enemies” who committed to pray faithfully for “the best” for the other person, who remained enemies.

Finally

If you’ve sent this blog to someone, ask to meet with them.  Most people wounded by divorce are hesitant to take these steps without a faithful, praying friend to encourage them to do so.  Be that kind of friend.

 

 

How following Jesus works in real life.

 

If you found this blog and are not a regular subscriber,

you can take care of that right HERE.