Why Single Fathers Matter

According to the Pew Research Center, there were approximately 300,000 single father households in 1960; today there are around 2.6 million. Still, this only accounts for 17% of all custodial parents in single parent homes. If we really want to broaden the spectrum, we can make a strong case that a “single father” is any man who is involved or wants to be involved in his children’s lives. Case and point: in our latest YouTube video you may notice none of the dads in the video were ever married and none are the custodial parent. But that doesn’t rule them out as the father, does it? Not at all! Without taking away from the amazing men who are already parenting as a one-man team, this approach greatly expands the mission field and our ability to relate with more dads- whether or not he is the custodial parent.

Research around the globe is consistent: when fathers are involved in the lives of their children (full or part-time), those children overall perform significantly better cognitively, emotionally, socially, and academically than those without involved dads. As we here at A Father’s Walk have said time and time again: If we want to stop the bleeding in this nation when it comes to crime, teen pregnancy and suicide, substance abuse, divorce, and so on…then we MUST get to the dads! Over the years our small group has seen men who have risen above and beyond as fathers despite overwhelming obstacles: everything from terminal diseases to felonies; but now are thriving as parents and spiritual leaders. There is a story of one single dad who joined the group before he even became a father- because he wanted to be prepared when his daughter was born! Today, that dad is just like a sponge: soaking up every bit of information he can on how to grow as a man and as a father. Others have voluntarily checked themselves into rehab to help overcome addictions; continued to support their children’s relationship with their mom- despite her leaving the family; and so on. Simply put, these single dads are doing what is necessary for the overall benefit of their families. Oh, if only ALL dads could rise like some of these men have!

It is with great encouragement this Father’s Day that we can recognize and celebrate such men. Jesus tells us in John 15:13 that “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” (NASB) In a nation that is still experiencing the heartache and devastation of fatherlessness, we can rejoice and praise the Lord for fathers who do lay down their lives for their children’s sake. Single parenthood is still on the rise, but there is hope ahead. Organizations, churches, neighborhoods across the nation (and even the media) are really beginning to shine a positive light on fatherhood. The Fatherhood CoMission (of which AFW is a part of) has a new campaign entitled “Honor Your Father”. Their website www.honoryourfathertoday.com has plenty of tremendous resources to assist all of us to honor our own dads, honor fatherhood, and to grow as fathers ourselves. The Bible tells us in Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. (NASB)  God has put a very specific admonishment on dads as the spiritual leaders of their families. Single fathers are no exception to this and our children need this sort of godly influence like never before. This Father’s Day, we encourage you to celebrate the men who are answering the Lord’s call to raise their children in Christ. Even if that isn’t immediately evident in the life of a single dad you may know, then now is a great opportunity to introduce the saving grace of Jesus into his life. Remember, look for the potential, not the flaws. When we begin to view single fathers as the priceless investments that they are, we catch another glimpse of how God works through the most difficult of circumstances to fulfill some of His greatest testimonies.

Ice Cream and Adjustments: Balancing Good Health

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. -3John2

From the supernatural to the natural, we should always be mindful to be good stewards of our bodies (1Cor 3:16, 6:19-20). I was a personal trainer for about five years and I have seen firsthand the positive effects a balanced diet and regular exercise can produce. Mind you, this was back in my younger years- before I became a father myself and when my schedule could still be classified as “moderate” as far as busyness goes. I often had clients tell me tales of how hard it was to eat healthy on the fly and that they would munch on their children’s snack foods simply because it was in the house. Excuses, excuses! I would think to myself, justifying they needed to be more disciplined and get serious about their training. Although there is SOME truth to that, how quickly I experienced all of the above once I became a father myself! It’s rather humorous now: my daughter will come over for a weekend and we will pick up some ice cream on Friday evening. Typically we don’t finish it all before it is time for her to go back to her mom’s on Sunday. She always asks me to save her some until she comes back Tuesday afternoon. I usually give her some sort of goofy reply such as, “I will try, but I can’t guarantee it will be here by then”…followed by a big grin and a wink.

Ice cream and kidding aside, we do need to be mindful of our physical health. I am a huge advocate for regular exercise and a healthy diet; plus the stewardship of our musculoskeletal and immune systems. This past week I was very blessed to receive an email from Dr. Paul Kaminski of Kaminski Chiropractic here in Grand Rapids, MI. Dr. Paul has a fairly new practice in our area and as a way of making a strong impact in our community he will be making a generous donation to A Father’s Walk for each new client he sees the entire month of June! If you are looking for a professional and community-minded source for pediatric development and adult wellness, then please give Dr. Paul a call today and set up your first appointment. Even if you live outside of the greater Grand Rapids area, please be sure to take care of your body for you and your children’s sake. One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is ourselves; and the healthier we are overall the greater quality of life we will be able to experience with them. And that, guys, is something to get excited about…even more than ice cream!

Focus on Issues: The Daddy Gap

Please feel free to watch this 30 minute program on single parents, fatherless children, and organizations that are making a difference when it comes to ministering to these families. You can view the entire program here:

http://www.grcmc.org/grtv/node/8060/focus-on-issues---the-daddy-gap

How Single Dads Can Help Their Children Celebrate Mother's Day

I got to help my daughter celebrate Mother’s Day with her mom for about five years before she got married. Although I can’t put a finger on any specific gifts or cards we gave her, I know we always did something. Regardless of what sort of terms Mom and I were on any given year, I was fortunate enough to recognize the teaching moments these presented- to both my daughter and I.  

What we are teaching our children

One of my favorite fatherhood quotes is by Clarence B. Kelland. He said, “My father didn’t tell me how to live. He lived and let me watch him do it.” Our kids don’t always need to know what is going on between their mother and us; they just want to have fun and love on both of their parents equally. When we help them make Mom a card for Mother’s Day or go with them to pick out a gift (which is from them, but purchased with our money), we are teaching our sons the invaluable lesson of respecting women and we are telling our daughters (who usually end up marrying someone like their father) that they are worthy and should be treated as so. Most importantly, we are spending quality time and helping them to love their mom. I would say in most cases this is a win-win.

What we are teaching ourselves

I have no idea where you and your child’s mother stand as co-parents. Perhaps everything is civil and running smooth; or maybe you are about as far in the opposite direction as you can possibly be. Either way you have a great opportunity right before you to grow as a person and as a father. By engaging with your kids in something that you really don’t have to do is a great example of humility and kindness- neither of which we men should be ashamed of. Putting your personal feelings aside for the sake of your children is a portrayal of selflessness and unconditional love. You are saying to your kids, “I love you so much, and what is important to you is important to me, no matter what.” This is not a sign of weakness, but rather, one of tremendous strength!

What this means in the long run

The Bible tells us in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” You may not consider your ex a “friend” per say, but I bet you consider your son or daughter much more than that! Think of it in that regard: by dying to yourself in order to love your children more, you are setting an example of perfect love. 1John 4:19 says, “We love, because He first loved us.” When we can truly grasp the magnitude of how much God has done for us, then it only becomes natural for it to flow into other areas of our lives. Even if you are doing it just for them, helping your kids honor their mom this Mother’s Day will have a greater impact than you may know. When it’s all said and done, your children will have a great day and you will have grown as a father and as a role model- both of which this world desperately needs more of!

It isn’t the big pleasures that count the most; it is making a great deal out of the little ones. -Annonymous