Friday, April 18, 2014

Beautiful

You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. –Song 4:7 (NIV)

     On a recent vacation with my daughter, I was visiting my niece in Ocala, Florida and got to spend some time with her 11-year-old daughter Katie. In short, Katie’s dad has never really been a factor in her life and when he is, he rarely ever leaves her better off. He makes promises he doesn’t keep, is thousands of dollars in the hole with child support, and to my knowledge has never made any sort of fatherly or eternal investments in his daughter.
     Katie is a beautiful girl and full of energy, and I can tell she has an unquenched desire to explore all this world has to offer her. Still, her underlying “daddy gap” is apparent for anyone who slows down enough to really look and listen to her. I also gathered from a conversation with my niece that Katie has been bullied some at school, and my heart and mind immediately went into red-flag, protective mode. (Adolescent girl with father issues and being bullied is a dangerous mix) As I talked with her mom, the scripture above was laid on my heart to share with Katie.
     A few hours later, as she and my daughter went upstairs to play, I felt the Lord say to me, Go, now. I followed them upstairs and as they sat down, I asked Katie if I could talk with her briefly. The look of wonder that filled her eyes was even surprising to me. It was as if she couldn’t wait to hear what I had to say.
     I spoke those words from Song of Solomon over her and then said the following: “I know you’ve had some issues with your dad recently…” IMMEDIATELY when I brought him up tears began to roll down her little face, and I knew this was more important than I had previously thought. I brought up the issues at school and explained to her that although she may be going through some really tough times right now, that God sees her as perfect and complete…worthy enough to trade His Son’s life for. I also told her that although her earthly dad has fallen short, that she truly IS a princess because her real Father is the King of kings. Of course by this point she was completely sobbing, which naturally made me lose it too.
     I prayed with Katie and gave her a hug, then let the girls enjoy the rest of their night. As I came back downstairs to let her mom know I would follow up with her and extend an open invitation for her to visit us, I couldn’t help but reflect on what this one encouragement could have meant to her. My hope was that she would hang on to this for the rest of her life.
     I know many of us as single parents are pretty consumed dealing with our own hurt, and we all have a million things on our mind. But still, is there someone you can think of right now who needs to hear a word from God? Has He laid an impression on you to open your heart and spiritual eyes and invest in someone’s life? Is there another “Katie” you know─perhaps a relative, neighbor, or one of your kid’s classmates—who needs to hear that she is beautiful and loved by God?
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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

School and the Father Factor


Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. –Psalm 144:12
            According to Fatherhood.gov, When fathers are involved in the lives of their children, especially their education, their children learn more, perform better in school, and exhibit healthier behavior. Even when fathers do not share a home with their children, their active involvement can have a lasting and positive impact. And, when non-custodial fathers are highly involved with their children’s learning, the children are more likely to get A's at all grade levels. Other studies have shown that approximately 85 percent of a child’s brain is developed by age three, and preschoolers with actively involved fathers have stronger verbal skills (a must for every parent!). Thus it is extremely fair to say that fathers, whether married or single, play a crucial role in a child’s brain growth and development, and overall academic success.

Making the Time Count

            As a non-custodial father myself, I am well aware of how quickly our parenting time can fly by. I also realize how valuable that time is; but that should never be an excuse to let us off the hook when it comes to investing in our children’s academic future. Use that time wisely: get homework done first (when applicable) or take advantage of a wonderful opportunity for some quality Daddy time through age-appropriate reading, puzzles, and activities. If you are the primary caregiver, then I am sure you are comfortable with a set homework time. If you don’t have one in place, it is definitely your responsibility to establish one. For us non-custodial dads, I have found that games such as Hangman (or other learning games) are a great father-child way to pass the time by; all while stimulating your kid’s brain activity. Over the summer, 15 minutes a day of reading and problem solving will help to keep their minds engaged so they can hit the ground running the following school year. In past years, I have even attached a small financial reward system based on how well my daughter does on each test I create ($1 for 10 out of 10; 75 cents for 8-9 correct, etc…). No matter what method or avenue you decide to take, be sure to uphold your God-given fatherly duties and get the homework done first before playtime. Of course, use wisdom and discernment and don’t become legalistic over it either.

Why Bother?

            Single parenthood is already challenging enough, and perhaps even a bit confusing at times (that may be an understatement). So why as single fathers should we engage in school time activities─ especially if it may eat up some of the already minimal time we share with our kids?

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." –Josh 24:15

            Serving the Lord implies both to the natural and supernatural areas of life. Our circumstances may not be perfect; and although there may be brokenness from a previous relationship with mom, our dedication to both God and our kids must remain constant. Failure on our end to help prepare our kids academically leaves us falling short of the mark as one of their primary life leaders. As the above statistics state, our involvement now goes above and beyond just good grades. Kids with active fathers exceed in almost every social and emotional area. Our current efforts today will only reap long term benefits and prepare them to be strong, confident, and thriving adults who will be able to stand strong when the storms of life hit. Of course, we can only give what we have; so that makes our personal relationship with Christ and consistency in our own lives that much more imperative.

Mentoring

            I understand that many of you moms reading this may not have an option when it comes to Dad’s participation in your son’s or daughter’s life. My heart truly goes out to you and I encourage you to stay encouraged. Just know that many schools may already have mentoring programs established in them for at-risk students or ones who need a little extra help. I can tell you of one program in particular here in Michigan that when a student has a mentor, grades and attendance increase and negative factors such as in school suspensions decrease─ and that’s only after spending one hour a week with their mentor! Even if your child’s school does not offer an in-house program such as this, it would be a good idea to seek out someone who can help with your child’s schoolwork─ perhaps a good family or church friend, or a coworker you can trust. I would also challenge anyone reading this article that if you know of or have the opportunity to invest into a young person’s life through a mentoring relationship, to seek out God’s will concerning that through His Word and prayer.

            Men, whether full or part time, when our kids are on our watch our job is to be “Dad” and cover their every need (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) to the best of our ability during that time. All of those little “shifts”, over the years, will build a lifetime of love and responsibility for them and will leave a lasting legacy for us.
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Monday, April 14, 2014

AFW YouTube videos

Here are the links to our first set of YouTube videos based off of the book A Father's Walk: A Christian-Based Resource for Single Fathers. You can order the book online at www.afatherswalk.org or the ebook on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, or Westbowpress.com. Please feel free to share these with any and all single fathers you may know!

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