Co-Parenting with an Ex: Are You an Advocate...or Adversary?

Here is the latest AFW article from Crosswalk.com:

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/single-parents/co-parenting-with-an-ex-are-you-an-advocate-or-adversary.html?ps=0

Baby Mama Drama... and Grace

You have heard that is was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven… -Matt 5:43-45 (NKJV)

            Let’s face it, in a fallen world crowded with imperfect people there is bound to be drama in one form or another. Some of it is pretty manageable, but more often than not in this thing we call “life”, there are going to be plenty of opportunities for others to push us to our limits. I hesitate to use the phrase “baby mama drama” (or daddy for you women), but like a friend of mine pointed out…it IS a real issue in today’s world.

            Single and co-parenting naturally brings in brokenness; and brokenness if left unattended, becomes a breeding ground for sin. Paul warns us in Eph 4 to “be angry and do not sin…do not give the devil and opportunity” and Peter tells us to be on alert from our enemy (1Pet 5:8). No matter how bad the heat may come from the other parent sometimes, our focus should always remain the same as Jesus’: keep our hearts and minds focused on God and His statutes. I know that sure is easier said than done, but as single parents we must come to accept the reality that we cannot control the other parent and that things aren’t always fair. Our obligation is to Christ first and then our kids.

            The apostle Paul tells us in Eph 6 that our fight is in the spiritual realm─ not against flesh and blood. Anyone who is not walking under the power and authority of the Holy Spirit is easily subject to be used like a puppet by Satan. And just like any battle, it must be fought on neutral grounds. We should never attempt to fight spiritual battles in our flesh. If we do, we will get beat up over and over and perhaps even make the situation worse. Instead, zero in on passages such as Paul’s teaching in 2Cor 10:3-5 and hold fast to the fact that we have a Savior who has gone before us in every possible way so that He can lead, guide, and help us to overcome the same.

            No one knew heartache and betrayal more than Christ. Yet, the writer of Hebrews tells us that He looked past the now and towards the glory that God was about to reveal (Heb 12:1-3). Our mindset should be the same and even though the mercury may be spiking when it comes to our emotions, we shouldn’t let them lead us astray into even greater sin. Does that make it any easier when your child’s mom or dad is really pouring it on? Maybe, maybe not; but hopefully it does give you encouragement. Jesus explained to us that we WILL have tribulation in this life (John 16:33). God expects more out of us as believers and as parents, but He in no ways leaves us to fend for ourselves. If you look back at my previous blog Going Forth With Praise you will find a perfect example of how keeping our eyes, minds, and hearts focused on Him and giving praise in the midst of the storm will ultimately bring us to victory. Whether or not that outcome is the same as you envisioned I do not know, but I do know that if we remain faithful, God will cause all things to work for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Legendary UCLA coach John Wooden once said, “Failing to prepare is like preparing to fail”. If we are not trained, prepped, and equipped for when the tests and trials hit, we will get pulverized every time. That is why our quiet time with God is so imperative─ for when moments like these arise. The greater your prayer life and the more Scripture you know AND APPLY on a regular basis, the better you will endure. Based on some personal experience, here are several verses that will give you a foundation when adverse situations with your ex (or whenever) come up:

Isaiah 54:17

Psalm 55:22

Romans 5:3-5, 12:9-21

Proverbs 10:19, 14:29, 15:18

2Tim 2:24

James 1:2-4, 19-20

1Peter 4:12-13, 5:10

            Once again, these will only be effective if done with pure motives, under control of the Holy Spirit, and in faith that God will hold true to His word. Just like in the gym: if we want to grow bigger, faster, and stronger, then we need to hit the weights, eat the right food, and have a sound program. Same thing spiritually: When we encounter spiritual “weights” (resistance), eat the right food (the Word of God…see Matthew 4:4), and have a sound program in place (quiet time, church, mentor, etc…) we are able to grow in our walk with the Lord. Resistance doesn’t necessarily go away, we just become more conditioned to handle it. The ultimate goal, of course, should be to model Christ and pray for those who may wreak havoc in our life. Our obedience now can and will result in eternal blessings in ours and our children’s lives down the road.

But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in time of trouble. And the Lord shall help them and deliver them; he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in Him. –Psalm 37:39-40

It is Spoken

For you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God. -1Peter 1:23

Before the apostle Peter could even make such a statement as the one above, he first had to have a true encounter with the risen Lord Jesus Christ himself. The same goes for us. God has predestined each one of us to do His good works (Eph 2:10), but it is not something that usually (more like rarely) happens overnight. He uses our spiritual victories and falls to draw us closer to Him, ultimately bringing us to the point He created us for…if we are willing to be teachable along the way. Follow me on this.

The word was spoken over him

            Take a look at Matthew 16, where Jesus is asking the disciples who others say that He is. They respond with answers such as John the Baptist, Elijah, Jeremiah, or one of the other prophets. Peter confirms Jesus’ true identity and deity with the statement, “You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.” (v 16)  Jesus commends Peter’s answer and gives the disciple a specific admonishment: “I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it.” (v 18)  Wow! Can you imagine the way Peter must have felt at that given moment? God literally spoke a word over Peter’s life.

How soon we forget

            Unfortunately for Peter, a few verses later he speaks up out of ignorance rather than the same Spirit that had just revealed Jesus’ Lordship to him. Jesus rebukes Peter and even references him to Satan (v 21-23)…talk about a change in momentum! I’m wondering, how often does God speak a word over us or give us specific instructions…only for us to fall back in the flesh so quickly? I know I can’t be the only one, right?

God gives us glimpses of who He truly is

            One chapter later, Peter and two other disciples have one of what has to be the greatest and most life-altering experiences of their lives as they are witnesses to the Transfiguration of Jesus on the mountain (Matt 17:1-8). You see, up until that point, they only knew of Christ in the flesh, albeit His Devine nature as well. The Transfiguration is an example of how a loving God, despite our slips and falls, will still continue to reveal Himself along the way in order to accomplish His ultimate purpose for our lives. John 4:24 tells us that we are to worship God in Spirit and in truth; so despite our human nature, we are all spiritual beings created to worship a God that is spirit as well.

Hitting rock bottom

            Fast forward a few more chapters and we find Jesus arrested, bring tried, and eventually to be put to death. But before that, at the last supper, Peter once again boldly proclaims his undivided allegiance to the Lord by stating that even though others may leave Jesus, he never would. In fact, Peter even states that he would even die for Him! Once again Jesus breaks the news and lets Peter know that not only will he leave Him, but Peter will deny Jesus three times (Matt 26:31-35, 69-75). This just goes to show how weak and pathetic our flesh can really be. The apostle Paul backs this up in Philippians 3:3 by telling us to put no confidence in the flesh. How often does it seem when we are just getting some good traction for the Kingdom that we screw up so incredibly bad? However, going back to the beginning of Peter’s story, God had spoken a word over him and the Bible tells us in Romans 11:29 that “the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable”.  So watch what happens next…

Peter’s Restoration

            John 21 finds us at a familiar scene- the disciples out fishing. Jesus has been crucified and unknowing to the men, He has risen as well. Eventually they are alerted to Jesus’ presence and once again Peter finds himself having a heart to heart with the Lord. Jesus NEVER once brings up Peter’s mistakes; but rather gives Peter the charge to feed and tend to His lambs (“I will build my church”).  A couple pages later, in the book of Acts, Peter boldly shares who Jesus is and what He has done and more than 3,000 people become believers! He never looked back. Two thousand years later, we are still living in the overflow of Peter’s restoration. (From The Daddy Gap by myself and Dawn Walker…to be released this spring)

God’s spoken word fulfilled

So there it is. Jesus spoke a word over Peter’s life back in Matthew 16, and over 2000 years later the Church is still continuing to grow and thrive! Let me ask you a question: What has God spoken over your life? Perhaps it is to do the amazing or miraculous in His name; or perhaps it is to raise godly children, start a nonprofit, or lead a small group. The point is God’s word is eternal and trumps all else. So for Peter to tell us that we are born again of an imperishable seed, he himself first needed to die, be born again, and live God’s word out in his own life. The exact same is true for you and I as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuJWQzjfU3o