Relationships and the Single Parent

Our final guest blogger of the month comes from someone very special to me.  Her name is Stacy Haight and she is a single mom living right here in Grand Rapids, MI.  Stacy's heart comes through loud and clear in her message, I pray her words will sink deep into all of our hearts in reaching into our children's. 


Relationships.  When you read that word what’s the first thing that comes to mind?  Boy and girl, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend?  If you’re anything like me then yes, that’s what would have come to mind a few years ago, but relationship’s are not just between men and women.   Relationship’s are between friends, mentors, teachers, leaders, brothers and sisters, parents, and the list can go on and on, this type of relationship’s are so important to our daily lives.  As a single parent you may already be thinking,”I don’t have time”, well you need to make time.   Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “If one falls down, then his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” 

As a single parent this is something I have struggled with in the past and still to this day struggle with on occasion.  When you work full time and come home to children 24/7, you just don’t have any free time to give to anyone else.   It’s especially hard when you’re the ONLY parent in your child’s life. And let’s face it, when you’re a single parent you didn’t get to this point without going through some kind of heart ache, so why would you want to put yourself out there for another chance of getting hurt by anyone?   It took a few years for me to realize that I needed friends, that my children could not be my only friends.  I needed to have relationships besides the ones I had with my children.  Besides, how was I supposed to teach my kids how to have healthy relationships with others if I didn’t even make time for them myself?  As a parent our children are looking up to us constantly for guidance.  Whether you realize it or not they take their cue from us.     

 God has given us many scriptures throughout the Bible showing us how important it is to have those relationships.  Just a few for reference, James 5:16, Galatians 6:2, Philippians 2:3, Ephesians 6:4, 2 Corinthians 6:14.  Whether it’s a relationship with friends, family, co-workers or the Lord himself, we need to show our children what that looks like.  How we talk with them, how we laugh with them, how we treat them, how we work out a disagreement with them.  Above all though, how do we show our children our relationship with God?  Are we praying with them? Are we reading the Bible with them? Teaching them about scripture and how the most important relationship is the one you have with our Lord and Savior?  When we fail to show our children what this looks like, not only are we failing them but God and what he expects of us as parents.  He’s trusted us with one of his most precious of gifts, his children.

If you’re like me and have a hard time putting yourself out there and meeting people, start with small things.  Go on field trips when your child has them at school, help out in the nursery at church, join a single parents group in your area or look for one on Facebook that’s in your area.  These types of things will at least get you interacting and meeting all kinds of people.  Use that time in the car with your child to ask them about their day, ask them if they have any prayer requests, you’d be surprised at some of the things your child might ask for.  Above all pray with your child, any chance you have, teach them how to be thankful for the smallest of things, pray for their friends and future relationships, that they would be Godly and uplifting healthy relationships.  I have been recently blessed with many new relationships, and I have to say that it’s made a world of difference in my attitude and relationship with God.  In fact my relationship with the Lord has grown leaps and bounds because of the support I receive from these relationships, one in particular has encouraged me so much I have become a stronger person because of it.  And I thank God everyday for bringing this person into my life, not only because of the changes that came with them but all of the life lessons I’ve learned since and can now use to teach my children in the future.  No matter where we are in life or how young or old we may be, God wants us to have those relationships to help us carry one another when need be.  I pray God guides you in the direction you need to be to attain these types of relationships, it’s never too late to make new friends!            

Sex and the Single Dad

This week's post is by one of the leading authorities in single parenthood, Jennifer Maggio of The Life of a Single Mom.  I really connected with Jennifer's blog because as many of you know, I lived a life of extreme sexual sin and it's devastating effects for years myself as well.  I pray you will really take her words to heart here, and understand that this is not written by one (or several) person's opinion, but through direct obedience to God's Word.  Be blessed in knowing who you are in Christ today.



Yep, I’m going there. There’s no sense in pretending the subject does not exist, so…  buckle up.


I recently came across a website that INFURIATED me.  In fact, that is probably a serious understatement.  Since my life’s passion is single moms, I am always researching single parent topics.  I happened upon an article regarding sex and singles.  I would not dare give you the name of the site, because I will not give them the satisfaction of multiple hits.  But here is what the meat of the article said, loosely translated, “My name is Sally.  I am single.  I have been for some time.  I am also a Christian.  I have been for some time.  And I am sexually active.  I have been for some time.  God created sex.  Sex is good.  And since no normal human being would be able to abstain for any length of time anyway (and God really does not expect us to), I know God will forgive me.  I’m going for it and you should do the same.”


The lengthy article sparked quite the controversy.  I almost chimed in with the hundreds of other comments and voiced my outrage, but quickly knew that it would fall on deaf ears and she wrote that article (and many like it) for that exact reason.


80% of the country identifies themselves as Christian, so why is it that none of us talk about this subject?  Christians follow God’s written word as their life’s instruction book – The Bible.  The Bible is more than clear on its principles regarding sex.


1 Corinthians 6:18 NLT “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does…”  There are dozens and dozens of Scriptures that outline God’s word for how sex is supposed to happen.  Sex is good.  It IS right.  But only within God’s plan for our lives.


This is not new news for most of us.  We’ve heard it before.  But have you ever wondered why God puts such a difficult “don’t” on our list?  Have you ever thought, like the woman above, that this was a ridiculous measure for which no one could ever live up to?  That ain’t right how God won’t let us have any fun, huh?  Well let me tell you what “ain’t right”…
- Suicides among teen girls
- Sexually transmitted diseases affect millions
- AIDS in still an incurable disease
- Millions of babies have been killed through abortion, because moms cannot afford to or do not see how they could care for them.
- 50% of babies are born outside marriage today, which leads to single parenting.  Single parenting among those under 25 is most often associated with lower income rates, higher high school drop out rates, suicide, depression, and abuse. Those are the facts.  (For exact citations, refer to The Church and the Single Mom by Jennifer Maggio).


 That does not even broach the subject of giving oneself over sexually to another and how the emotions tie in or the broken hearts that follow.


Let me challenge you with this idea.  As a parent, when we tell our 7-year-old not to play in the street, is it because we do not want him to have any fun playing kickball with his friends?  Are we  just plain ol’ mean parents?  No, of course not.  It is because we understand the potential danger that our precious seven-year-old could experience and we want to protect him — EVEN IF HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY.  The exact same is true for Christians.  Our Heavenly Father does not want to hinder joy in our lives, but He does want to protect us from potential harm.
And before you decide that I am some rigid, unbending, beat-you-over-the-head-with-the-Bible, finger-pointing, judgemental Christian, let me stop you.  I WAS some of those statistics.  I was sexually active at thirteen, pregnant four times by nineteen, and dabbled in sexual promiscuity for years thereafter, living in poverty, depression, abuse, and more.  I have lived it and seen first-hand the devastation it causes.


Today, as I work full-time with single parents, I have seen hundreds of young teens walk through the most difficult seasons of their lives because they did not wait.  I’ve seen thousands of single moms struggle emotionally and financially, because they did not wait.  I’ve seen the trickle affect that this one simple concept (or lack thereof) has had on our economy, emotional well-being, and spiritual growth.


And before my inbox is flooded with countless emails, let me be clear.  Everyone has their list of issues they are working on.  (I know I sure do).  No one thing is greater than the other.  I am not saying this is just a single parent problem, obviously, but my passion is for helping the single parent live a better life.
Before you embark on one more meaningless sexual relationship that could very well leave you more emotionally broken, more financially broken, and more spiritually broken, think about its effects and know that there is great freedom in simply waiting for the right one.


Jennifer Maggio is an award-winning author and speaker, who is considered one of the nation’s leading authorities on single parent issues. She is the author of two critically-acclaimed books, founder of a single parent magazine, columnist, 11-time Circle of Excellence winner, and founder of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries.  She has helped launch more than 500 single parent ministries in churches in 19 countries and runs one of the nation’s largest. She has appeared on countless radio and television programs including, The 700 Club, Daystar TV, Focus on the Family and more.  For more info, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.

Broken But Not Destroyed

Today's guest blogger holds an extremely special place in my heart and life- my best friend in the world, Pastor Daniel Jackson.  Dan and I will be celebrating 18 years of friendship this month, and I can honestly say that he has played an enormous role in my walk with the Lord.  I pray you enjoy his blog; and you can find out more about his church in Tampa, FL at www.divinecathedral.org. 

“You have to take control over your life” is a familiar saying that can be heard being echoed in our schools, medical offices and rehabilitation centers. As a result of being encouraged to take control, people are now driven by this desire to be in control. Well the only problem with that is that for the believer, this walk is all about giving your will for God’s will. So once you’ve joined this Christian Army your way of thinking has to change. No more I, but Christ that lives inside, should be your new model. I know, I know, this change of thinking is easier said than done, but Jeremiah 10:23 says; “O Lord, I know that the way of a man is not in himself: It is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.”

But that old way of thinking has caused some of us to become our own wise counsel, instead of seeking the face of God. As a result of this thinking, if it felt good to “US” then we threw our all into it. So we find ourselves in relationships that we never even prayed about. We told everybody else about the relationship but God, and when the relationship didn’t work out you felt ashamed and embarrassed. The pain that you felt was as though your life was coming to an end, and quite frankly the desire to live seemed to have gone. Well, what happened is that the devil was trying to us the pain, shame and embarrassment to destroy you. Some of you were promised the altar, some of you were left at the altar, and some of your lives were forever altered as a result of this failed relationship. But I will tell this day under the authority of God that this thing was allowed to take place in your life only to bring you to the point of giving up your control. You had to be broken in order to be completely healed. Psalms 51:17 says; “The sacrifice of God are a broken spirit: a broken spirit and a contrite heart, Oh God thou wilt not despise.”

That friendship, that relationship was a sacrifice that you needed to make to get you to the point of brokenness. Stop pondering on the things that you’ve lost or have had to give up. There is something greater that God has in-store for you! This thing was never designed to destroy you, but to prepare you for the true blessing from God that shall be released as a result of your total surrender.

                                                   In His Service,

                                             Pastor Daniel Jackson

Co-Parenting with the Ex, Helping Children Thrive After Divorce

Well, August is upon us and as promised, I am featuring several guest bloggers this month.  Leading things off is my friend Tammy Daughtry and her expertise on parents working together for the better of the children.  I pray you are blessed by her input and encourage you to look up her new book and check out her website, all of which is listed below.  Go get 'em Tammy!

Co-Parenting "Business Meetings" With The Ex, Helping Children Thrive After Divorce
By Tammy Daughtry, MMFT
Founder, Co-Parenting International

Author, Co-parenting Works! Helping Your Children Thrive After Divorce!
I have been a co-parent for 11 years now, Angelia was two when her father and I divorced. One of the best decisions we made early on was to NEVER discuss co-parenting issues in front of her during the transition time. We don't discuss schedule issues, financial issues or even discipline concerns. We reserve these discussions for a private conversation between us when she is not present. Over the years we have met for coffee at a local restaurant or we have planned conference calls in the evenings after she is asleep. It has taken hard work to make these meetings possible, but what we have done is given Angelia a peaceful experience when we are both present, with no worry or concern about anything uncomfortable for her.
Unfortunately, many children of divorce truly dread the transition time because their parents argue and discuss difficult topics in front of them. Many angry ex's use this as a time to try and get back at the other parent, but the person who gets hurt the most is always the child. If you are a co-parent or you know someone who is, consider trying to have co-parenting meetings away from the children's hearing or sight.
In my book, Co-parenting Works! Helping Children Thrive After Divorce, we call these TEAMM Meetings: The TEAMM acronym stands for The End Adult Matters Most. We have to put aside our past, our emotions, and find a way to coordinate schedules and life details so our children can have the very best life possible, even though they are being raised between two homes. We compare this to being "CO-CEOs" of a business. There are thousands of details to manage, financial obligations, long range planning as well as immediate crisis management at times. It is critical that co-parents work together for the sake of their children.
For a free sample of a CO-PARENTING TEAMM MEETING AGENDA and other free co-parenting articles, see  www.CoparentingInternational.com.