Are You Listening?

…And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains…but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. -1Kings 19:11-12 (NKJV)

            We had a great sermon on fasting yesterday- to “tune” ourselves to be able to hear and discern God’s voice in our lives. Sometimes we not only get so caught up in all of the busyness and noise of the world, but even our own prayers and petitions become such a one-way street that we don’t even give God a chance to speak- or for us to listen. As the above verse points out, God doesn’t always use the awesome and magnificent to communicate with us. Often it is just a soft whisper or some other means to get His point across. Such was the case for me recently that I got so caught up in what I want (or didn’t want) that I didn’t even bother to inquire to the Lord until I was all worked up.

            I’ve said it time and time again: we need to shut our lives down on a regular basis so we can move forward in the direction God wants us to go. This goes beyond our routine quiet time (hopefully you are at least getting that) and regular worship. To really hear and walk with God we have to get to a point where He is our sole focus. Fasting helps to drown out the worldly distractions, but also our physical too. I have noticed lately as I partook in a two week fast just how much more calm and “still” I am- all of which has allowed me to finally give God His due chance to reveal Himself to me. As human beings we all naturally share some of the same struggles, though not necessarily all at the same time or to the same degree.

            Perhaps you are struggling with being single right now (the holidays aren’t always easy when you are). If so, use this time to prepare and work on yourself so that God can put the right person in your life. I sure wouldn’t trust my own daughter with a guy who doesn’t measure up to God’s standards, so I imagine He wouldn’t either. Or maybe it’s finances (join the club). Fasting and tithing aren’t just for Sunday morning sermons and back in Old Testament times. They are a personal example of our loyalty and trust in God and His Word. If in fact times are tight right now financially, then there is no better time to lean on God and listen for instructions on how to proceed forward. As our pastor pointed out yesterday, so often people pull out at the last second from a faith move when they were right on the edge of a major breakthrough. Finally, maybe it’s a career or vocational move. Getting extremely quiet before the Lord for a significant period of time is essential when making such a big decision. Yes, God opens doors for us; but we need to be paying attention to the road too to avoid any hazards along the way.

            So wherever you find yourself today- flying or falling, on the clouds or in the valley, just know that our God is a God of the extraordinary; but sometimes that means in the most humble of ways. Something as simple as denying ourselves temporary pleasures now can pay off in eternal ways down the road- but only if we are willing to listen.

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven –Ecc 3:1

Away for the Holidays

For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my ways perfect. –Psalm 18:31-32 (NKJV)

            Well, it’s that time of year again: time for lights and bells, family and food, presents with our kids…or maybe not. Perhaps this is a time of year we as single parents may not be too fond of- especially if we are away from our children over the holidays. Co-parenting, split custody, and a variety of other factors may be inhibiting your chance to have a traditional Christmas morning with your kids; and it may be even more painful if this is your first year as a single parent. Coming from someone who has endured many a heartaches over the years as a single dad during the holidays, I sympathize with you. However, I also want to give you encouragement that this is not the end all, be all. Here are a few quick tips you can use to not only build yourself up, but also provide your children with a great Christmas- even if you’re not there.

1.      Prepare your heart

Before we do anything, let’s make sure our hearts are in the right place. Ask the Lord to remove any feelings of anger, guilt, or bitterness that may distract you from letting His love flow through this transition. David said it best in Psalm 57:7: “My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and give praise.” Be mindful to keep a soft heart during this season- one that is full of worship and praise for God.

2.      Connect with your kids

This may or not be an option for you. If it is, go ahead and make that phone call, send them a text, Skype, or any other means to talk with them. Use the time wisely to build them up with love and affirmation and wish them a very Merry Christmas. Don’t dwell on the negatives (even if you have to bite your tongue) and make sure whatever you say to them leaves them for the better that day (Eph 4:29).

 

3.      Laugh!

The Bible tells us that “a merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.” (Prov 17:22)  Going back to the previous point, if you get the chance to talk with your son or daughter, make it a time of joy and laughter. This will leave everyone involved with a joyful and healing heart after the conversation is done. On the flip side, if you aren’t able to talk with them, a great alternative would be to reflect back on memories past with your kids, ones that bring you joy. You may even want share stories with others and tell them how much they make you happy.

 

4.      It’s just a day

We have no historical or Biblical records that suggest Jesus was actually born on December 25^th. Instead, we need to focus on the bigger picture: bringing our children up in Christ and preparing them for the world ahead. Yes, there is something special about Christmas morning; but let’s look at it this way: Which do you think would be more important- having your kids every year on Christmas Day and never instilling God’s Word into them…or using the time you DO have to love them and teach them His statues? Remember, we’re fighting for eternity here. And besides, kids really don’t care what the day is- as long as they get presents. 

5.      The greatest gift of all

Our human side tends to want to dominate our spirit constantly (Gal 5:17). It may sound cliché, but Jesus IS the reason we celebrate! A life lived apart from Him and the peace, promise, and joy He brings really isn’t much of a life at all. If you have already made the decision to follow Him as your Lord and Savior, then the rest is just added blessings. If you have not, today is a perfect day to hit your knees, confess your sins, and ask Jesus Christ to be the Lord of your life. God has given us the greatest gift of all in His Son. You may be apart from your son or daughter this year, but the Lord is not and your Father is longing to spend Christmas Day with you!

...I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. –Luke 2:10-11

Hold the Phone

…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath –James 1:19 (NKJV)

 

            Anyone out there ever get off the phone with your ex and felt like calling right back to chew them out? Or how about when an unsavory text comes through and you feel like letting them have it, because it’s easier to speak your mind digitally versus talking it out civilly in person? Yeah, I thought so- me too.  

            Such was the case for me this past week when I asked my daughter’s mom via text message for a small favor. All I got back was a very short reply that did not accommodate my request. In a moment of frustration, the thoughts ran through my mind of what I would have really liked to say to her right then, but thank the Lord I bit my tongue. I didn’t even take a second to remember that just like an email, text messages can be easily misconstrued. I replied back with a simple “Ok” and let it go. To my surprise, she texted me back within a few minutes and had changed her mind, totally accommodating my request. This definitely would not have happened if I had overreacted and texted her back ASAP expressing my frustration. Yes, patience is a virtue. Later on that evening, she texted me with a simple request of her own: I had sort of let the cat out of the bag that our daughter was invited to a surprise birthday party and she asked me not to do that again. I didn’t reply back that evening because although I knew I had been in the wrong, I’m sure in an attempt to cover my own mistake I would’ve said something totally uncalled for back to her, even though she did nothing wrong. I’ll be the first to admit that we guys hate to be wrong- but that’s a whole nother blog post. Fast forward a couple days later and I found myself texting her back to apologize for telling our daughter about the party and said that I would be more conscious in the future not to do that again. She replied back with a simple “thank u”.

            Yes, the often non-stop drama or challenges of single and co-parenting can sometimes be quite draining, but that is never an excuse to be disobedient concerning our walk with God. Use these times as opportunities to grow yourself and to show Christ to your ex (or whoever else) what a true follower of Jesus looks like. If you do, I believe the end results will far exceed those if we were to take matters into our own hands; God will be glorified through it all; and everyone will come out winners- especially your children.

For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. –James 1:20

Marriage and Our Children

Behold, I set before you today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you today; and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the Lord your God… -Deut 11:26-28 (NKJV)

            On the way home from a conference in Georgia last week, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a man on the plane who is quite high in position in the world of fathering. We exchanged conversation regarding our individual ministries; one of the questions I found quite unique that he asked me was about how I minister to single dads when it comes to marriage. I must admit, it isn’t a topic that we discuss regularly; overcoming divorce, yes, but not marriage.

            Here was his point: for those of us who are single parents, do we want our children to grow up to be a single mom or a single dad as well? Of course not. “Then”, he went on to say, “you need to be showing and teaching your children what a godly marriage looks like.” Marriage, as an institution, is very healthy and God-ordained. Individuals often fail in marriage. For example, if you buy a brand new Mercedes, get drunk, and crash it, does that mean all Mercedes are destined to crash? Obviously not; but it is when the individual who was doing the driving broke the rules that the car crashed. Same principle applies here. No matter what sort of situation we may be in or come from, our job as Christian parents is to teach our kids from our mistakes; but more importantly, show them what God’s example for their life is. Yes, your marriage may have failed and it has left an ugly mark on your family. But that is no excuse to wallow in it and let your children see how the effects of marriage (and potential divorce) can taint their life. Instead, tell them where things went wrong (age appropriate and without slamming your ex) and how mom and dad may have failed…but God did not. Use God’s Word as the ultimate foundation of how He loves to bring us together in holy matrimony with the opposite sex, and the examples Jesus gives us on how to love unconditionally.

            For those of us who have never been married (myself included), this is an excellent time for personal growth and reflection, and to learn more about what the Bible tells us when it comes to the institution of Marriage. Marriage is not the enemy. Marriage as a God-created unification of two souls is one of the greatest things we can ever experience here during our short time on this earth. It is only when one or both of the individuals fail that things fall apart. We need to use wisdom and discernment to grow ourselves and pass the Lord’s truths on to our kids. So the next time you have your kids at the park, mall, or even at a wedding, and you see a married couple that is head over heels for each other, instead of retracting in your own personal bitterness or anger, use that as a rare opportunity to turn your son or daughter towards them and whisper in their ear, “That’s what I want for you one day.”

Giving Thanks

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. -1Cor 15:57 (NKJV)

            I know this is the time of the year when we are supposed to be extra sensitive to how thankful we are for everything; a time when we can reflect on all that we have been “blessed” with. The sad reality is that many of us say we are grateful, but really never express it otherwise; that we are “blessed”- but never give back; and we try to look at the good in everything, but can’t get past the darkness that is right in front of us. Now before you think I’m bum rushing the holiday season with a premature Ba- humbug!, hold on a second.

            I was at the mall yesterday with my daughter, taking in all of the holiday sights and scenes. Yes, I believe we are above and beyond blessed in this country; and yes- I think it is great to bless others with gifts. What got me though was the incredible amount of money (usually around $700 million dollars between Black Friday and Cyber Monday) we waste as a nation on stuff that carries absolutely zero eternal value. For example, $30+ for a teddy bear at Build-A-Bear. Did you know for the same amount of money you can sponsor a child with the Gospel, food, school, education, and medical treatment for one month?! That is just one small example. And tailing off of another blog I recently read about parents competing for and buying their children’s affection- I seriously suggest we get back to the basics of loving our kids first through our words and actions so that they may appreciate all the more better the things we do get for them.

            Finally, I realize there will be many of you this year who will not get to see your children for some of the upcoming holidays- I’m there with you. Just remember, Thanksgiving and Christmas are only days- it’s what they REPRESENT that matters the most. Are you thankful for your children? Then love on them every chance you get. Do you want to give them some really great gifts? Then start with the greatest gifts of all: teach them about Jesus and give them yourself. Holidays will come and go and even to those who had their kids every year, the pizazz will eventually wear off. What WILL last will be all of the little things they can hold on to long after we are gone: the small sacrifices we made for their benefit; the joy of being surprised with a “because I love you” and not because we felt pressured to; and teaching them about the ultimate sacrifice of love and joy- a little baby who would one day change the world forever and what He can do in their lives too.

While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. -2Cor 4:18

Be Careful Little Children What You See

“I’m watchin’ what I’m watchin’…” –Tripp Lee

                You know when you buy a new car how all of a sudden a bunch of the same cars you just purchased magically appear all over the place? Obviously, they didn’t just “appear”- they’ve always been there but your eyes were not trained to look for them. I just left the video store and man was I depressed! We already know that our culture is ridiculously overridden with sex and violence, but what really stuck out to me was the unbelievable number of DEMONIC movies out there. I’m not talking horror- I mean full blown satanic worship. Just like the cars, these movies may have always been there, but as I push closer to Christ, my mind and eyes are now much more alert to anything that opposes Him.

                According to a study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, kids and teens 8 to 18 years old spend nearly four hours a day in front of a TV screen and almost two additional hours on the computer (outside of schoolwork) playing video games- not to mention the time they spend in school, extracurricular activities, and with their friends. Here’s my point: With such minimal quality time available to spend with our kids, and with so many ungodly influences lurking nearby, as the spiritual heads of our kids we need to be speaking, teaching, and modeling Jesus to them whenever possible. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to watch the way that we talk; but I would also say we are to be mindful to what goes INTO our heads too. Dads, are you staying on alert towards the enemy as Peter instructs us- guarding you and your kid’s heart and mind? Or, are you oblivious to what they are being exposed to, perhaps even falling short yourself and participating in music and movies any Christ follower has no business with? Sure, we may not be watching movies like the ones I mentioned above, but let’s face it- the vast majority of secular media is in no way God-honoring.

                Whether we choose to engage ourselves or not, there is a war for ours and our children’s souls going on all around us. God did not create us to lie down and play dead, and He sure as heck didn’t make us to be complacent. The Bible tells us that things are only going to get worse when it comes to values, family structure, and the way the world views God. The cool part is that if we choose- we can be completely exempt from the enemy’s plans and not only stand firm against his schemes, but protect and lead the next generation in Christ. Dad, God gives us clear direction to “examine ourselves”. Take inventory today and put your activities, hobbies, and passions up against His Word, removing anything that fails the test. By doing so, you will not only enhance your own walk with Him, but you will be able to influence your son or daughter to make a stand and show the world the Light it so desperately needs to see.

Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. -1Thess 5:21-22

Updates from my email

Here is a link to an article that was forwarded to me today that some may find useful:

http://www.myfloridalaw.com/child-custody-law/helping-children-with-divorce/


Also, for those of you in the West Michigan area, you may want to check this out on Nov 13th:

The Grand Rapids Library is having an event on November 13^th on Child Support and Friend of the Court. See below:

Ask-a-Lawyer: Child Support & Friend of the Court
Wednesday, November 13, 2013, 6:00 pm
Main Library – 111 Library St NE

The Grand Rapids Public Library, in partnership with the Grand Rapids Bar Association, hosts this free series that aims to provide information about common legal issues. At each session, expert attorneys will give a 10 to 30-minute overview of their area of law, followed by a question-and-answer period. This month's topic: Child Support & Friend of the Court.

Knowing Your Weapon

And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and they spoke the word of God with boldness. –Acts 4:31 (NKJV)

Have you ever seen “The Ghost and the Darkness”, starring Val Kilmer and Michael Douglas? It’s a great movie and based upon a true story of two man-eating lions that terrorized an African village back in the late 1800’s. Here is one scene that I find especially interesting as to how it relates to us as Christians:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJJpPGHTg94

In the scene prior to this one, Dr. Hawthorne (played by Bernard Hill) joins the group of hunters as they ceremonially prepare for the hunt. He approaches Colonel Patterson (Kilmer) and asks, “Will you exchange weapons with me? Mine is much more powerful.”

From my perspective, here are a few quick points in the movie I believe we can learn and grow from:

The Deception

Patterson’s troubles began the night before when he exchanges weapons with the doctor, well before he even encountered the lion. He trusted something that was not proven and fell for the line regarding a more powerful weapon. You see, our enemy will often attempt to lure us away with other more attractive means to cope in life other than God’s Word, ones that in turn are not a threat to him (2Cor 4:4). When we do, we are set up in advance before the attack even comes. Patterson believed a statement not based on truth and it nearly cost him his life.

The Hunt

Just before they entered the thicket, Remington (Douglas) instructs the Colonel to take the high ground in case the lion gets through and he will have a clear shot for the kill. The second mistake Patterson makes is when he leaves his place on high and brings himself down to a lower level- an area where his enemy thrives. It is here where he finds himself face to face with almost certain death, because he compromised his position. Once again, God has given us everything we need to maintain ground above Satan, but so often we make foolish compromises and find ourselves in greater trouble (Eph 6:18).

The Misfire

Did you see how fast an obvious victory turned into probably the most frightening moment of Patterson’s life the second that empty “click” sounded where there should have been a bang? Confidence became horror and the sounds and memories of the lion killings in the past suddenly became all too real. When we walk in our own confidence and not in faith in the Lord, we are given a false sense of security and given the opportunity, our enemy will bring up old pain from the past. We must constantly walk in that assurance and trust that only comes in God (Jer 17:5, 7).

The Lesson and Promise

Remington’s words to Patterson near the end of the scene are what really bring this all together. Dumbfounded, he asks, “You exchanged weapons? You went into battle with an unproven rifle?” We may not have a spiritual “rifle” per say, but we do have a sword (Eph 6:17). But I will say this: the Bible is only as good to us as we are trained to use it. We cannot fight and defeat our enemy if we just hold it up and fire off empty shots. Precision and victory only come through time and familiarity with our weapons of warfare. Maybe you have been knocked down as the end of the clip suggests; and maybe you do get up. Keep in mind though that our adversary will continue to prowl, seek, and devour those in his path- that is until he meets a highly trained warrior that goes on the offensive and skillfully and masterfully hunts him down first.  

For He will give His angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways…You will tread upon the lion and the cobra, the young lion and serpent you will trample down. Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him securely on high, because he has known my name. –Psalm 91:11, 13-14

Single Dad Pizza Party

We are having a night of food and fellowship for any and all single dads living in West Michigan. Come on out on Thursday November 14th from 7:30-9pm to enjoy some free pizza, time with our group, and learn more about what A Father's Walk is all about.

Location is the DOCK ministry: 4669 S Division SW  Wyoming, MI 49428

*This event is for single dads (full or partial custody) only and childcare is not available.

For more information, please call Matt at 616-581-4409.

Fishers of Men

Here is my latest article from Crosswalk. Church! (both the buildings AND the Body): it's time to get up, get out, and GO make disciples when it comes to single fathers:

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/single-parents/church-be-fishers-of-men.html?ps=0

Living Pure in an Impure World

To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled. –Titus 1:15 (NKJV)

Okay, so not the most sought-after small group topic, especially for a group of single men; but this was our group discussion last night. Why? Well in short, for a few reasons: First, statistics have shown that up to 80% of Christian singles are still having sex outside of marriage. Second, the defilement of this world goes far beyond sexual exploits- it has infected our culture, our minds, and our families. As Christian believers and fathers, we must learn how to stand against the world and seek Christ through it all. Finally, we are called to lead our children in Christ and not the ways of this world (Eph 6:4). I mentioned last night of how the phrase “Do as I say and not as I do” is the biggest bunch of bull and should NEVER be part of any parent’s vocabulary. With that being said, here is a quick rundown of the topics and verses we covered. I pray it helps to shed some “Light” on your own life if need be in certain areas too (Eph 5:11-14).

Types of Purity

Sexual (1Thess 4:3-7, 2Tim 2:22, 1Cor 6:18-20)

Mental (Phil 4:8, Rom 12:2)

Verbal, visual, audible (Eph 4:29, James 3:1-12, Psalms 101:3, Job 31:1, Matt 6:22-23)

*Note: I didn’t find a verse for “audible” purity, but that goes by saying that we should be attentive to what we allow to enter our ears as well (i.e. Defiled language, blasphemies, secular music, etc…)

Ethical/Moral (Job 1:8-12, 2:3, 2:4-9, 2Chron 16:9)

To ponder and discuss:

Recognizing where we fall short

Arming ourselves for battle and protection

Claiming victory as followers of Christ

Question: As Christian fathers, why is it so imperative that we abide by God’s commands in regards to purity? What will this mean for our kids?

The abbreviated answer is God has placed a very amazing gift and admonishment upon us to father and steward His sons and daughters. By us remaining faithful and teaching them the same, we are giving our children a first-hand look at what a man of God is like; which in turn will help us to raise godly sons and help our daughters look for the same in a future relationship.

Although I could go on and on about this topic, the fact remains that we are constant works in progress (Phil 1:6) and God has given us everything we need to champion purity in our own lives. If you do in fact fall short, hold fast to His promises, knock the dust off, and get back in the game. Here is one of those promises from our good friend Paul that sums up the grace and love that is bestowed upon each one of us every single day:

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according  to the flesh, but according to the Spirit (emphasis added)…Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. –Rom 8:1, 37-39 (NKJV)

Social Media Links

If you haven't already seen on our homepage, you can now follow AFW on Facebook and Twitter:

https://www.facebook.com/AFathersWalkSingleDadMinistry 

https://twitter.com/AFW4Him  (@AFW4Him)


We are also in the process of putting together an eNewsletter- so stay tuned for that in the near future!

Addictions

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds… -2Cor 10:4 (NKJV)

For those of us who have suffered from (or continue to) an addiction, stronghold, or some sort of bondage we are well aware that some die quicker than others. Whether you have overcome some serious battles or are still in the fight, here are a few quick tips to help see you through and maintain safety to avoid falling back.

1.      Prayer of Repentance

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me…the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart… -Psalm 51:10,17

Look, God knows we are broken people living in a broken world. Although that is understandable, it is not a free pass to sin willingly. We are either moving in one of two ways in our walks- forwards or backwards (“Neutral” is still counterproductive, thus backwards). David knew he screwed up with Bathsheba, but his heart was always one of repentance and crying out for God’s mercy over his life. The same goes for us; understanding that our Father comforts and is there for His kids when they need Him the most and cry out for His help. When we confess our sins before the Lord, He is faithful and just to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1John 1:9)

 

2.      Be ready to fight

We will only arrive in heaven bloody and covered in sweat and dust, but with the sword still in our hand. –Harvest USA article

I have had multiple conversations with others about how there is nothing in the New Testament that says that following Jesus is a cakewalk. In fact, it’s quite the opposite as Jesus reminds us all that we are being sent out as sheep among wolves and how the Kingdom of God constantly suffers violence (Matt 10:16, 11:12). The moment we enter into this world there is an all-out war declared on our souls; when we accept Christ as Lord that war is not magnified- it’s just clarified. God is our shelter and stronghold continually, but He also places other tools around us to assist in times of need. When facing the challenges of overcoming an addiction (or preventing a relapse), it is wise to surround yourself with other strong, godly individuals, stay in the Word and prayer continually, and of course- remove any outside influences that may cause you to fall (1Cor 15:33). Recognizing the battle that is before you and having a strategic plan in place are key points to your victory in Christ.

 

3.      Make sure He’s on the Throne

And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free…therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. –John 8:32,36

Going off of my previous point, God gives us tools and resources to help win the battle, but we are never free if we are doing on our own will power. I attended AA, NA, and CA for years and have been through two stints at rehab. BUT, it was not until I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and was baptized that I was set free from some serious addictions. I will admit, some did die quicker than others and I will also be the first to admit that I still fight daily in some areas. However, I also realize that each day I grow stronger in my walk those sinful desires that are still lingering are pushed further and further back. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, just make sure He is still Lord and everything you do matches up with God’s Word.

 Paul reminds us in Phil 1:6 that we are all constant works in progress. Keep an open and soft heart, one that is ready to repent and cry out to God continually; stay in the battle and keep your eyes on the Cross; and above all- keep God first in your life. When you do, His grace and strength will be evident in your life and the victory will be yours to share with others the Good News of Jesus Christ.

Making Time for What Matters the Most

Here is the latest article of mine from Crosswalk, posted a couple weeks ago:

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/single-parents/making-time-for-what-matters-most.html?ps=0

Super DADS

For any father (single or married) in Kent County, MI. This is a FREE event and will include dinner and prizes. Please register by Friday Sept 20th by calling Latesha at (616) 331-5954.

Is He Lord?

God’s Word will tear you up- no doubt about that. We know it may not always be comfortable (often isn’t), but His ways are perfect and the end result is always greater than we could ever imagine. So when I was digging through the Gospels the other day and came across two extremely firm statements of Jesus’, they pierced deep into my heart:

“But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord’ and not do the things which I say?” –Luke 6:46

“If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed.” –John 8:31

I had a great conversation with a gentleman last night who is battling a pretty tough stronghold. As we talked, I explained to him that although his intentions to be a better husband, father, and employee were all honorable attributes, he would never reach that point if he was keeping Jesus on the sidelines (that goes for all of us). As sinful individuals, we always want to give God almost everything- but hold onto that one part of us that we cannot let go of. A mentor of mine calls this a “pet sin”: http://afatherswalkgr.blogspot.com/2013/08/letting-go-of-nut-in-your-life.html

It is only when we are able to finally reach that point of surrendering ourselves fully to the Lord that the other areas in our life can then be healed, restored, and blessed- not the other way around.

We tend to hold on to these pet sins, unhealthy emotions, and forms of character, all of which are an idol of some sort- and they all they all hinder us from reaching our true potential. Even I tend to not to let some things go because they have been such a big part of my life for so long and I honestly sometimes cannot envision what my life would be like without them. But then yesterday the Lord spoke clear as day to me: “Matt, I want to take you to the next level, but cannot if you are still holding on to these things.” God can only work with what we are willing to give Him. The sad truth is that although we worship every weekend the price that Christ paid for us, we completely diminish it when He asks the same in return.

There isn’t a single part in the Bible that says it’s okay to give God anything less than our best. The cool thing about that is what Jesus says next in John: “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (v 32) If we want to live the life God intended for us- then we need to be intentional about living our lives for Him.

The Perception of Single Fatherhood

Here's the link to an article I wrote for Crosswalk a few weeks ago on the above topic:

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/single-parents/the-perception-of-single-fatherhood.html?ps=0

Non-Custodial Single Dads and Back to School

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial… -James 1:12 (NASB)

It’s back to school time and there are a thousands of blogs, articles, interviews, and whatnot going out on the subject (no pun intended); but I seriously doubt many (maybe a few tops) will deal with non-custodial single fathers. I’m not saying that to brag that I had some Devine vision or anything, but I definitely don’t want to be redundant and repeat what countless other authors are agreeing or disagreeing on. Instead, I will stick with my little niche here and do my best to help those dads that often fall through the cracks.

As most of you may know, I have been a non-custodial dad since day one. The upcoming school year always brings up a variety of emotions for me. Of course there is always excitement and some good old-fashioned (not sinful) daddy-pride as my daughter ventures into a new grade. The wonder of what we will get to do and experience and watching as it all unfolds over the course of the year is always super fun. Yet, there is usually a bit of anxiety that I need to lay down too. Things have changed over the past couple years for me. My daughter’s mom got married and that has brought in a variety of dynamics and complications- especially when it comes to school. Rather than dwell on boring downers, let’s take a brief and thorough look at what we as dads can do to make sure our kids not only have a blast this school year, but thrive and succeed too

Pray

Do the math. Even in two parent homes our kids are usually in someone else’s care more than our own. As single fathers, that ratio is even more lopsided. Ezekiel 22:30 says God is looking for a man to “stand in the gap” on behalf of others. As fathers, that should be our number one priority when our children are away from us. Be specific: cover them in safety, blessing, schoolwork, friendships, decision-making, and so on. And of course, make sure you are praying with them every chance you get as well.

Stay Involved

Numerous studies have shown that children with active and engaged fathers, especially in schoolwork, are generally more confident and emotionally stable, deal with stress better, and do better overall in school and cognitive ability. I know our time with our kids may be limited, but play time is not what we are called to do- leading and preparing our children for adulthood is. Use your time with your kids to get homework done first- then go play. If you don’t have access to homework, stay in the loop by reading with them, doing flash cards, and various educational workbooks from the store. For older kids make sure you emphasize the importance of them staying on track with schoolwork and maybe even use the time together to do some research on certain topics. Whatever helps them to grow and spend quality time with their dad is a plus.

Go around if need be

Look, peace with mom should always be a top goal of ours (Matt 22:39). However, that may not always be possible. It seems like every year I have to go to the school and make sure my contact info is in my daughter’s file; that I have to contact the teachers on the side to stay updated; and schedule a separate conference. Do your own homework and get on the school’s website or email the teacher directly to learn more information. What I’ve found out is most of the time schools and teachers LOVE having dads involved. Of course, do everything in a Christ-like way and never bad mouth the other party.

Be at school events

This is an area so many dads miss out on- even the married ones. As long as there are no outside factors inhibiting you such as work schedule or worse- legal documents (like a PPO), then making it to your son’s or daughter’s games, concerts, conferences, and other events should be mandatory. Not only does this increase your physical presence in their life- but also the emotional. It shows them that you really care and once they are grown and look back on life, they will be able to say, “My dad was always there as much as he could be.” You can also look for other opportunities to see them, like volunteering through the school or getting involved in great programs such as Watch D.O.G.S.

I realize all of this may or may not apply to your particular situation, and I’m sure there is probably some other scenarios I did not cover. The point is that as single dads, communication between us and mom, the school, and perhaps our children isn’t always the smoothest; but no matter what, we need to make the strongest effort we can to stay involved and encouraging when it comes to our kids’ schooling. Steward to the best of your ability the things that are within your control- and leave the rest in God’s hands. When you do, you not only fill your obligation as a godly dad, but develop strong character traits that help you grow in your walk with Christ.

Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength…Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord. –Jer 17:5,7 (NKJV)

Soul Ties and Singles

My final guest blogger for this month is Jennifer Maggio of The Life of a Single Mom ministry (www.thelifeofasinglemom.com). Jennifer is an award-winning author and speaker who travels the country sharing her personal story of homelessness, abuse, and teen pregnancy. She is founder of the global nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom, and has appeared on countless radio and television programs. For more information, visit http://www.jennifermaggio.com.

I was raised in a small, conservative church. It was common to talk about God and Jesus, but rarely did we discuss the Holy Spirit. I always perceived the Holy Spirit as kind of "too spiritual" maybe "too unknown" or "too scary", so I just didn't talk much about it. Our church sometimes talked about wanting the Holy Spirit to show up, but I often wondered if we feared that it actually would! This is the reason that I think I had never really heard of Soul Ties in years past. I found that myself and many of my Christian friends didn't discuss the things unseen, spiritual impact, or the warfare that takes place every day -- even though the Bible talks clearly about it.

Have you ever heard of the term Soul Tie? Admittedly, it was a new term for me in my early Christian walk, as well. You will not read those words in the Bible, and I haven't found it to be a frequent discussion in churches. But the simplest definition for a soul tie is spiritual tie. Spiritual connections/ties are often referred to in the Bible.

Okay, so here are some of the ways a Soul Tie is developed:

* Sex (Eph 5:31)
* Close relationships (as in with Jonathan and David in 1 Sam. 18)
* Vows & Commitments (such as "I will always love you." "You and I will be together forever." And so on).

As you can see, Soul Ties can be really cool, as with Jonathan and David and the close friendship they had. Additionally, it exhibits the closeness and importance of sex inside marriage, outside of just the physicality of it, but rather the spiritual aspects. However, Soul Ties can also be detrimental, such as when we have sex outside marriage, a marriage fails, or we speak eternal vows that tie us (such as telling a boyfriend we will always love him).

Soul ties are dangerous when you have had sex with multiple partners, verbalized eternal commitments to others, pursued close ungodly relationships, or had a failed marriage. It's important to recognize who you are tied to, before you can break free from the tie.

Maybe you've struggled with this and didn't even realize it was a soul tie. Are you a single mom who has struggled to move past the hurt from your ex? Do you struggle with commitment due to past hurt? Do you find it hard to end a relationship that you know is bad for you? Or maybe you feel like an ex has some type of "hold on you"? Have you struggled with sexual sin? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you have most certainly struggled with soul ties.

Let's talk about some ways to break free from soul ties:

* One way to break a soul tie is confessing sin, when applicable. If you have had sex outside marriage, you have formed a spiritual tie to that person. You have to confess the sin and repent.

*If gifts were given in an unholy relationship, GET RID OF THEM. Don't hold on to a shirt, a teddy bear, a letter, etc., given to you in an ungodly relationship. You're inviting trouble into your home and head.

*If you have made a rash commitment to someone, (I will always love you. There will never be another man for me.), then renounce it and repent of it, aloud. And...be careful to not keep doing it!

*Breaking Soul Ties also means forgiving the person. This is a tough one for single parents who have been hurt by an ex or who are still seeing a struggle with the commitment the ex has to your children (or lack of commitment). But if you don't forgive, you don't move on. He/She will have you captive to the past from now on. Release it.

*There is power in the name of Jesus. If you discover Soul Ties in your life and recognize you need to break them, renounce the tie in Jesus' name, aloud (even if you aren't comfortable with it and feel a little weird).

Letting Go of the "Nut" in Your Life

Our next guest blogger for the month of August is Clare De Graff. Clare is the author of The 10 Second Rule, a mentor, and I am grateful to say- a friend as well. You can follow his blog and learn more about the ministry and his book at  http://www.claredegraaf.com/.

When I meet with “driven” men, or those in a tough spot in their marriage or wounded by their “ex”, I’ll often ask them if they have a “nut” they just won’t, or can’t let go of.

I’m told there are tribes who have a unique method of capturing monkeys. It seems they drill a 1 ½” hole in a coconut, drain the milk and dry the meat. A large nut is then dropped through the hole and a short rope or chain is attached. One end is tied to the coconut and the other to a tree.

Soon a monkey will come along, pick up the coconut, shake it and hearing the nut rattling around inside, will reach through the hole for the nut. However, now the monkey’s fist holding the nut is larger than the hole and he can’t remove it.

All he’d have to do to be free is let go of the nut. But, soon the trapper comes along holding a club. The frightened monkey starts running around the palm tree and with each turn shortens the rope until there’s no slack left and he’s clubbed to death.

How stupid we think! But, many of us are gripping a “nut” of our own, and if we don’t let it go, will kill us.

So, what’s your nut?

Your nut may be an addiction, a relationship you know is wrong, or a wound from the past you simply haven’t been able to forgive and forget, or a person in your life who continues to make your life miserable. Your nut may be keeping you up at night, or be killing other important relationships in your life, including your relationship with God.

I know a woman so wounded by her former husband that it has kept her from ever truly trusting a man again. And that nut has even contaminated her own children’s view of men – killing future relationships before they’ve even developed.

I meet with men all the time whose nut is pornography. For others it’s sports, Fantasy Football, or working hard, not just to provide for their family, but so they can buy the next thing they think will make them happy. Many men spend more time every day working out or running than alone with God in Bible study and prayer. Their nut drives them to whatever it is that takes away the pain or makes them feel better about themselves. Sound familiar?

“For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.” II Peter 2:19b

To Fear God

Our next guest blogger is Dawn Walker. She is the founder and director of Single Parent Missions, an advocate to see more churches catch the vision of single parent ministry, my co-author of the upcoming book "The Daddy Gap", and a very wonderful friend. To learn more about Dawn's ministry and to sign up for her daily "Hope Notes", visit www.singleparentmissions.org.


“He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God.” –Joshua 4:24 (NIV)

I’ve always connected with God through nature, but mountains in particular have always stirred my heart. There’s something about the wildness and grandeur and danger of them that draws me closer to the presence of God.

I am blessed to live just an hour’s drive from the Appalachian Mountains in Eastern Kentucky. And periodically I feel God calling me to come meet with Him out there. Last Friday was one of those days. It was a perfect summer day…a crisp 78 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, and not a thing on my agenda. I packed up my son, filled our backpacks with water and snacks, and headed out. Even on our drive out there, I felt a great sense of anticipation.

As soon as we arrived and got out of the car at the trail head, I could literally feel myself breathe more deeply. We set off on our hike and reached the Natural Bridge—a scenic ridge of rock at the top—within about 45 minutes. As we walked along the narrow ridge that had no guardrails but overlooked the beautiful mountains and valley below, I caught myself both marveling at the incredible view and considering the fact that one careless move too close to the edge would plunge me instantly to my death.

And it struck me what a great illustration this is of what it means to fear God.

Maybe God created mountains for us so that we might encounter something bigger and more powerful than ourselves; so we could learn to ‘fear’ or acknowledge His power and greatness. You have to admit, there’s a certain measure of fear that we experience on a mountain that we just don’t in the tidy grass of our backyard. Yet it’s not the kind of fear that is meant to paralyze or oppress us, it’s the healthy kind of fear where we have a heightened sense of awe and wonder and beauty, while at the same time realizing what’s at stake and that our attention to staying on the right path matters.

Fearing God is knowing that being near to Him means being closer to risk…but it also means being closer to miracles. It means obeying His call to come up, maybe even forging a steep trail alone not knowing how much further or what awaits us at the top…but it also means discovering God’s faithfulness in sustaining us and His goodness in surprising us with stunning, unforgettable views.

Fearing God means counting the cost by preparing well and conditioning ourselves for some suffering…but it also means discovering and developing more of His strength and His character in us. Fearing God also means leaving some things behind; it means trusting Him when He says that we have a far greater chance of reaching the summit when we travel light, knowing that if we try to carry more than we really need, or refuse to unload stuff that is clearly holding us back, we will get bogged down and have to stop short of the destination He has for us.

Finally, to fear God is to understand how much it matters who you take with you as you progress up the mountain. Moses understood this when he was called further up Mount Sinai to receive the stone tablets from God.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tables of stone, and a law, and commandments which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.
And Moses rose up, and his minister Joshua: and Moses went up into the mount of God.
~Exodus 24:12-13 (KJV)

Notice who Moses didn’t take…the masses of Israelites who would whine and complain and slow him down or distract him from his purpose. He took Joshua, his trusted apprentice; the one who served the Lord faithfully and ‘ministered’ to Moses by serving him and being a constant voice of encouragement to Him. As hard as it may be sometimes, fearing God will inevitably require leaving some people behind who aren’t up for the journey…but then getting the gift of a few remarkable people God brings alongside us to share the adventure with and who spur us on to greater heights.

 

Casting Away Garments (Clothed in Affliction)

Well, guest blogger month is here! Our lead off hitter is not only one of the most godly men I know, but my very best friend in the world- Pastor Daniel Jackson of Divine Cathedral of Faith in Tampa, FL. PD has been a major influence in my life since day one and is truly one of the vessels God used to help form me into the man I am today. To learn more about the ministry of DCOF, visit http://www.divinecathedral.org/.


^"Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” 
 Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”
So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” ⁵⁰ Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
“Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road." -Mark 10:46-52 (NIV)

Because of life’s ups & down’s we can sometimes develop a bad habit of putting on cloaks that cover and disguise our true purpose and our true identity. Some of us have been in disguise for so long that we are starting to forget who we really are. Instead of allowing situations that arise in our life to cause us to put on the garment of praise (Isaiah 61:3), we have put on garments to conceal our true identity.

Through life’s journey we have suffered many things and the hurt and sometimes even embarrassment that came upon us as a result of those things, has caused us to put on layers of garments.

Now I have to be honest with you today, this Christian journey is no picnic. You have to be kind to folks who don’t like you, forgive those who intentionally hurt you and even pray for those who desire to see you fail. However, I promise you that in the end, if you hold on, it will be a walk to remember!

I want to talk about the blind man named Bartimaeus who suffered with an affliction. If you noticed I stated that he was a blind man who suffered with an affliction. Most people would think that his blindness was his affliction, but I’m here today to tell you that his blindness was just a condition that gave God the opportunity to show off His glory!

The affliction came upon him during his process of trying to be accepted by man. I’m sure that some hurt person, who was dealing with insecurity issues themselves, came along and told Bartimaeus that he was not normal. They probably picked on Bartimaeus just to take the attention off of the fact that they hadn’t really accomplished anything themselves.

And they said in awe, look at the blind man, he must have done something wrong to deserve this punishment. I’m sure that they would even go and play evil jokes on him and as a result, year after year Bartimaeus added a new garment of shame and a new garment of depression. These new garments are what his afflictions were made of. He was no longer just a man that had a condition of being blind; his garments made it comfortable for him to now sit on the side of the road and be labeled a beggar.

There are two things that Bartimaeus needed to do in order to receive his complete healing for his condition and deliverance from his afflictions. He had to cry out and say Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me. No matter who charged him to hold his peace, he still cried out Jesus, “Have mercy on me”. The second thing that Bartimaeus had to do was to cast away his garment and get up from his condition that his affliction caused him to be in.

Take off that garment of depression, take off that garment of shame, take off that garment of hopelessness and watch God make you whole again, if you only believe that He can.