Seeing Through the Obstructions

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.–Psalm 73:25-26 (NKJV)

I am in a season right now of being molded and spiritual growth. I am not saying this is a bad thing, but I really feel the Lord working on me in multiple areas. I woke up the other morning with a spiritual heaviness over me.  I just feel like there is a lot of “stuff” that is trying to block my view of Jesus. It feels as if I am in a jungle that is extremely thick with vegetation and that I must constantly pull back all of the obstructions to see the next step in front of me.  The cool part, though, is that I know God is right in front of me.  I have felt His presence over me the past couple weeks; and definitely feel Him speaking to me (and especially my character) in several key areas necessary for growth.  You see, as we grow in our walk with the Lord, spiritual maturity should be a natural part of our walk. Unfortunately many people miss this, but anyone who is constantly searching the Scriptures for answers to life’s curve balls will more than likely progress in a positive manner. 

Here are a few quick tips of how to remain in the Spirit and not get overwhelmed when we cannot see the next step.

1.     Remain submitted to God’s sovereignty no matter what

One thing we learn as believers is that when we attempt to take our matters and circumstances into our own hands, the results are usually mediocre at best. Yes we know that we walk by faith and not sight, just be sure that does not become cliché in your life.  In other words, do not bail on your faith when it gets down to crunch time concerning something. Even if the result does not align with what you had hoped or expected, God is probably working on something much greater for you. Robert Morris once said, “Big destinies require big character.”  Basically, the more you believe the Lord has in store for you, the more He will require from you. Our job is to keep walking and allow Him to guide our steps (Prov 16:9).

2.     Allow yourself to be teachable

This is something I have struggled with for many years. I am a very dominant person in the sense of I like to take the reins and lead whenever possible. I believe God gave me this quality for His purpose for my life; but just like any gift, if it is misused it can be very counterproductive.  I am a huge advocate for quiet time with the Lord. In my book A Father’s Walk: A Christian-Based Resource for Single Fathers I must have emphasized the importance of quiet time (Scripture reading, praying, and being “still”) at least a half dozen times. Why? Simple: God’s ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (see Isaiah 55:9-11).  Once I began to quit talking so much and listen for the Lord’s voice, I began to grow tremendously. Trust me, it is still hard; but as I gain the knowledge of what it truly means to die to self daily, I become a bit more teachable with each passing day and my relationship with Jesus is blessed naturally. 

3.     Learn from previous mistakes

The words above pretty much sum up the rest of this blog. When we encounter common struggles such as finances, stress, and difficult people and keep drawing near to God along the way, we flourish.  In Psalm 73:28 the psalmist reminds us, “It is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord…”  Above all, we must remember to never take our eyes off of the Cross.  Peter learned this in the example of him and Jesus out on the water.  It is only when we keep our eyes on God and look through our obstructions that we are able to overcome once and for all as opposed to a band aid solution. David knew this when he faced Goliath. He knew there was absolutely no way he could defeat the giant. Yet, he did not focus on his enemy…he saw past him and trusted God for the victory (1Sam 17:45-47).

 

So, to say that I am being stretched, tested, and taught right now is not an exaggeration.  In fact, I can see a lot of things God is putting me through currently to teach me the character growth that I so desperately need to lead others.  What road does He have you on at this moment? Are you cruising down the grace highway and all roads seem to be clear? I pray they are; but be on guard for those sudden roadblocks Satan loves to throw along the way. Or, perhaps you are like me and seem to be in a season of disarray or spiritual blindness.  Do not fret if this is so.  Just be sure that you are using this as an opportunity to grow instead of wandering around lost.  When we keep our hearts and minds set on God, then we are able to walk blindly- because He has us completely in His grip. 

I will bring the blind by a way they did not know;
I will lead them in paths they have not known.
I will make darkness light before them,
And crooked places straight.
These things I will do for them,
And not forsake them. –Isaiah 42:16 (NKJV)

Gently Correcting

“With gentleness correcting those who are in opposition…” -2Tim 2:25 (NASB)

What do you sometimes get when you combine two adults with a vast array of differences in opinions and children in between?  Answer: The never-ending, always-changing world of single and co-parenting.  As if being a single parent didn’t have its stressful times to begin with, there is always the possibility of some extra drama thrown in from the other side.  The danger lies in allowing our circumstances, and especially, our emotions hinder our better judgment.  Through it all, we are not to “keep score” of who did what and use it for leverage against the other parent.  As ambassadors for Christ and as godly role models for our kids, we must hold to a higher standard- knowing that those little eyes are always upon us. 

Correcting the Other Parent

As Christian parents, bringing our sons and daughters up in Christ is a top priority.  We accomplish this possibly through Christian or homeschooling, taking them to church with us, and an overall lifestyle that honors God.  What happens when this is not being taught in the other parent’s home?  What if mom or dad does not buy into the whole church thing?  Or what if they don’t really care for God in the first place, perhaps even preaching other religions, beliefs, and activities?  How do we react, and if possible, correct the other parent all while maintaining that higher standard we mentioned?  I believe this happens more often than we think, and I’ve not only seen it- I have lived it.  As with any other trial in life, we must look to God’s Word for the answers. 

Romans 12 is full with verses that carry tremendous weight in dealing with this situation. 

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good...Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.”  -Rom 12:9, 11 (NIV)

 

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse…Live in harmony with one another…” –Rom 12:14, 16 (NIV)

 

“Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men…Never take your own revenge…’Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord…Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” –Rom 12:17, 19, 21 (NASB)

 

I understand that this can be a very touchy area.  I also understand that Christ living in us will outshine anything else, and when our children do face those tough times in life, our consistency and faithfulness to Him is what will hold firm.  We must also understand that we cannot control others- that should never be our focus.  Our focus must remain on dying daily to our flesh and trusting God to be faithful to His Word.

Correcting Our Children

Even in their innocence, kids learn at a very young age how to use, and often, manipulate their parents to advance themselves somehow.  This may happen intentionally, or it may be the indirect cause of the parents.  Phrases such as “Mommy says” or “Daddy does” should not be the deciding factor in how we parent when they are in our care.  When times like these occur, we must be first to correct our children, and then to correct the other parent (if need be) in a very positive way.  I’m not going to lie.  In my own life my daughter’s mother and I do not see eye to eye in a lot of areas. However, I have noticed that my daughter can be very good at twisting things around too, even conjugating up scenarios that did not happen or not in the way she described.  It has taken several of these instances and some discernment to know when she is telling the truth and when she is not.  If I perceive what she is telling me does not match up with other times, stories, or what I know to be true, then I must correct her in the proper way- even if it means siding with her mom. 

“To slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always gentle toward everyone.” –Titus 3:2 (NIV)

Parents, the above verse is one that should be on top of all of our minds when our kids come to us as I mentioned above.  Sure, we could use these moments as opportunities to slam the other parent and “really show them what mom/dad is like”.  It would be a great way to vent.  If we do slam the other parent, it is only going to do more long-term damage to our kids as opposed to being, as Paul states, “gentle toward everyone”.   Correct if need be, but do it in a way as if you will be standing before God one day and explaining what happened- because we all will be. 

Correcting Ourselves

Single parents are not always single.  We date, sometimes even get married.  Despite our situation and relationship with our children’s mother or father, how we handle our own relationships in life are just as crucial for training our kids up in Christ as the other corrections we have already discussed.  To be clear, I am NOT a dating doctor, so we won’t even go there, ok?  I am simply using this final point to make sure that we stay keen to our own actions as well and not allow the enemy to blind us by thinking that WE are the ones who have it together always- not them.  We could make a case for multiple other scenarios of how we can get knocked off track too, but I’m sticking with our personal relationships for now since they carry some big weight in our lives.  Here are a few quick examples of how we can fall into the trap of self-righteousness and miss the mark in our own walk when it comes to a significant other:

1.     We refer to our significant other as our children’s father or mother when the biological is still in the picture.

 

2.     We make decisions based on flesh and not God’s Word when it comes to our personal lives, such as living/sleeping together when we’re not married, not stewarding our bodies for God’s purposes, and using the whole “Do as I say and not as I do” attitude. 

 

3.     We slam our sons or daughter’s other parent to them.  This not only creates bitterness and a hardened heart within us, but it may also create false beliefs in our kids and our partner as well.

 

Listen to Jesus’ words in Matthew 12:34: “You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart.” (NASB) 

When we allow the pitfalls of bitterness, animosity, or hurt to cloud our better judgment, we lose focus of our responsibilities as a parent, and possibly- our personal relationship with Jesus.  Trust me; I am COMPLETELY aware of how sensitive a topic our children are to us, especially when it comes to the other parent or a third party.  The point is, as Jesus points out, is to guard our heart and not allow the black tentacles of sin to wrap around it.  It is easier to judge someone else than it is to die to self through humility.  Keep your heart soft through a consistent relationship with the Lord.  Allow Him to correct you if need be.  Then, apply your walk through God’s Word to other necessary corrections in you and your kids’ lives.  Remember, the refining process isn’t always fun when we are going through it, but the end result is pure gold!

2013 Grand Rapids Single Parenting Expo

The second annual Grand Rapids Single Parenting Expo is just over a month away.  There is NO cost to attend, and is open to everyone- not just single parents.  For more information, click the link below:

http://afwevents.blogspot.com/2012/10/second-annual-grand-rapids-single.html