Helping a
single parent is a whole new level of reaching someone. It can be discouraging,
messy, and rarely consistent. And unless you have ever been a single parent
yourself, it can be quite intimidating to lend a helping hand to- let alone
even knowing where to start. For anyone who may have a son, brother, or friend who
is a single dad, here are five very quick tips that you can use to help them
along the way.
Keep them covered
I know this may seem like an obvious one, but never underestimate the
power of prayer. You may not completely understand everything they are going
through, and that’s fine. Pray specific and transparent prayers, not
manipulative or selfish ones. Be sure to love on the involved children
unconditionally through it all and even pray with them whenever possible. Prayer
can move mountains and when we pray within God’s will, we know we have the
petitions we ask of Him (1John 5:14-15).
Seek godly counsel
Believe me when I say that I am fully aware of just how little there is
for single fathers out there when it comes to Christ-centered help. Start by
contacting some of the local churches in your area- ones that may have a higher
single parent population than others. Even if the church doesn’t have an actual
“single parent” ministry, many of the pastors may have counseled single dads in
the past or at least have a general understanding of what they face regularly.
You may also search for additional resources on our website: www.afatherswalk.org.
Do NOT slam the mom!
This is our “Golden Rule” of the ministry. Yes, the entire situation may
be a mess and perhaps she is being spiteful or manipulative. I am sure it can
be quite painful to watch your son of friend go through it all. I am right
there with you when it comes to experiencing how unjust some situations may be due
to the other parent or the courts’ doing. Still, if we allow the sin of anger
and bitterness to seep into our hearts, it will only overflow into other areas
of our life, perhaps even around the children. Instead, ask the Lord to remove
these negative emotions from you if need be (you may really have to do some
hardcore praying here!), but a softened heart is the only way to honor God (Psalm 86:11, Heb 3:13).
Help them build a foundation
Statistics show that only 33% of single parents attend church on a
regular basis. Single parenting equals brokenness no matter how you slice it,
and we know the only path to complete healing and restoration is through Jesus
Christ. You know the single dads in your life well. Bible thumping and
condemning talk isn’t going work- I will tell you that right now. What they
need is to see the true love of Christ. Remain focused on creating a safe zone
where your son, grandson, or friend can feel completely accepted and loved;
somewhere they can heal and their feet can be set upon Rock.
Preparing for the long haul
Whether or not things ever get better between Dad and Mom no one may
know. A father can always keep in mind that he is Dad for life, regardless of
the circumstances. Things began extremely rocky between me and my daughter’s
mom. Ten years later, it’s bumpy at best. Children get a huge part of their
personality and self-perception from their father and our enemy is a master at
keeping us spinning around in circles instead of looking to God for help. Any
single father that holds fast to his relationship with the Lord will not only
be able to persevere through the storms along the way, but will one day see His
glory revealed through it all (Romans 8:18).
Single
parenting is a tough situation for everyone involved. Our responsibility as
Christian individuals is to show the unconditional love of Christ to others.
The Bible tells us to hate what is evil and to cling to what is good. Love
never fails and perfect love casts out fear. Hold fast to all of God’s
promises, because we know in Christ all of His promises are “yes” and “amen”.
