The Love/Hate List of a Single Dad

Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name. –Hebrews 13:15 (NKJV)

            I recently read a post by fellow Christian author Elisabeth Klein entitled What I Hate & Love about Being Divorced. In short, Elisabeth compiled a brief, yet fully packed, list of the pro’s and con’s (as she points out─ the “love” portion is used loosely in regards to being divorced) of living as a divorced and single mother. Well, I’ve had “one of those weeks” myself when it comes to co-parenting, finances, work overload, and trying to keep it all together as a leader and a father. Thus, Elisabeth’s post sparked a thought of my own as to what I could consider the things I love and hate (I prefer “dislike”) about being a single dad. So, here goes:

Dislikes:

*Not seeing my daughter every day

*Not being able to just pick up the phone and call her any time I want

*She doesn’t have my last name

*Mom treats me like a second-class citizen rather than as our daughter’s father

*I feel like she thinks the rules (court order) don’t apply to her

*My daughter calls both me AND another guy (her step father) “Dad”

*The generally accepted (and often validated) idea that dads get the short end in custody and divorce cases, no matter how “fit and willing” they may be

*I support my daughter’s relationship with her mom and step dad, but I don’t think it goes both ways

*Even though I have it rough occasionally, I often see other single dads go through worse

*The anxiety of having to deal with nonsense and illogic, and how it seems to creep up out of nowhere sometimes

*I need to go through my daughter’s teacher just to be filled in on school stuff

*I have to call the doctor’s office to find out when the next appointment is

*The fact that I sometimes allow the busyness of life affect my precious time with my daughter

*Trying to co-parent through texts and emails as opposed to talking civilly face to face

*Saying goodbye to my daughter after a concert or game…as she goes one way and I go the other

*Not knowing if I will ever be able to have more kids, because I’m not sure if I will ever be married

*(This can apply for any unequally yoked relationship): Staying in the Spirit and holding to a higher standard when dealing with others who don’t operate on the same level as we do

*Holidays or weekends with no significant other…especially when I don’t have my daughter on those days either

*Not seeing my daughter every holiday or birthday

*Wishing I had “known what I know now” so I hadn’t put myself or her in this situation

Love:

*Being a Dad is one of the greatest gifts EVER!

*I am active and completely involved in my daughter’s life

*Despite “the other guy”, she still calls me “Dad” and I know where I rank on her list

*(Tailing off the above comment): When we are lying in bed at night and she says in her adorable little voice, “Did you know you’re the best daddy in the whole world?”

*Through Christ, I have been able to overcome and/or deal with some of the trials listed above

*I know a good portion of how she will view herself as an adult comes through my relationship with her now

*Me being active in her schooling will only reap positive results

*When we are walking through a parking lot and her little hand reaches up to hold mine

*When I do have her, I make the time count (to the best of my ability)

*I still get to do all of the “Dad things”: Rough-housing, playing, conferences, homework, concerts and games, movies, daddy/daughter “date nights” (an especially valued benefit), paint her room, show her how to do certain tasks, etc…

*God has given me the heart and ability to lead other single fathers in Christ

*I realize being a Dad is FOR LIFE…not just ‘til she’s 18

*There is occasionally an abundance of free time; and sometimes every other weekend does have its perks

*I have tons of free time to work on ministry

*I get to take my daughter to church on the weekends I have her

*I get to pray with her each time we are together

*Watching her grow through all the different phases of life; and the fact I appreciate it all

*Though I may stumble as a dad, I know I won’t ever fall…because my Father is perfect, and He is all I need to lead her

*Realizing that she doesn’t belong to me….I just get to steward her for greater purposes

*I believe being a dad is included in Jesus’ promise of “life abundantly” in John 10:10

            I know this may not sit right with our egos fellas, but check this out: When the going gets tough, the “tough” need to hit their knees and go straight to God. That may not be in the Bible, but it IS scriptural! Hold fast to His promises in your life today and be sure to thank Him daily for the blessings He constantly bestows on each one of us.

Blessed be the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits… -Psalm 68:19

Strength in the Weakness

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” –Matt 11:28-30 (NASB)

            I thought it was just me, but there seems to be a lot of heaviness and people who are just “worn out” lately; from work, stress, and life in general. Being a single parent is definitely no easy task, and our daily burdens seem to be magnified perhaps greater than our single or married peers. But I think it goes beyond that. Our enemy loves to get us to a place where we become so distracted and worn down that we run ourselves in circles…and eventually right into his traps.

            I was reminded that TODAY is National Single Parents Day. What a great way to celebrate….not in feelings of failure and despair; but rather in the fact that our Savior is readily available to not only take our burdens off of our shoulders and onto His; but that He gives us a reason to celebrate our victory in Him! Holy week is less than a month away. Now is a greater time than ever to begin to refresh your relationship with the Lord if needed, to seek Him for even greater heights, and to proclaim the greatness He represents in each of our lives.

            Yes, it may feel like you are constantly pouring out: to others, to your kids, and even to God. Take inventory today of where you may be drying up spiritually and allow Jesus to be the one to refill you. I recently attended a prayer and praise night at my church…and wow! Did I ever need that! Celebrate your day today single dads and moms; but not necessarily in your earthly position…but in your heavenly position as an overcomer in Christ and a child of God. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zulKcYItKIA

 

How to Start Your Own Single Parenting Expo

“Before they are eighteen, about half of our Nation’s children will have lived part of their lives with a single parent who strives to fill the role of both mother and father…Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim March 21, 1984 as National Single Parents Day…”

            Thirty years later, Reagan’s predictions are more than accurate. Single parent households have now become the dominant form of residence in our nation; yet the resources available to them are still way too thin and scattered. Three years ago, God laid on the hearts of myself and a friend’s to brainstorm, assemble, and provide a new way of reaching out to single parents: a one-day “Expo” style event designed to provide single parents with the resources they need─ all in one place and at one time! Thus, on March 17^th, 2012, the inaugural Grand Rapids Single Parenting Expo was launched. We held our event at the Salvation Army Kroc Center in downtown GR; had about 10 vendors present; and about 20 guests total. Humble beginnings for such a big vision. Last year we moved locations to another building, had about 20 vendors available, and served about 30-40 guests. This past weekend, we again had 20 organizations represented, plus several speakers, door prize giveaways, and activities for the kids, and a food truck to serve families in need. We served over 50-60 guests inside the building and another 130+ outside at the food truck! Needless to say, the Expo has grown every year in its short existence.

            I am extremely excited by what God has done through the Expo the last three years, and I truly believe it is only going to get bigger and better…not for our glory, but for His. My prayer and vision is to see events like this pop up all over the nation in hopes of reaching so many single parents that are right at our fingertips to help, but we are missing valuable opportunities.

            Thus, here are a few quick tips on what I have discovered has worked over the past three years and in hopes to help you, should you feel led, to begin a Single Parenting Expo in your own city.

1.      Good idea vs. God idea

The Bible tells us to “commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” (Ps 37:4) Seek Him through prayer and His Word before making any decisions to move forward and make sure this is His will instead of your own.

 

2.      Your vendors

-Both faith-based and non faith-based

-Local organizations, as well as national programs

-Non profits and businesses alike

-Variety in whom they serve (Early childhood, divorced persons, men/women, teens, financial, legal, etc… Try to cover all bases, if possible)

-Low registration fee (I keep mine at $25/table)

 

3.      Your guests

-Make them feel welcomed! Single parents are often so overwhelmed that small things like greetings, free food, prayer, and just overall love will be something they so desperately need and absorb.

-No admission fee. This is your call, but personally, I don’t think a struggling single mom or dad is interested in anything that is going to cost them valuable monetary resources. My goal with the Grand Rapids SPE is to NEVER have to charge our guests a fee

-This day is about them. Paul reminds us in 1Corinthians 13 that we can do all the works with all the bells and whistles, but if we don’t have love…we have gained nothing. Use your event as a way to present the Gospel and in its true form to your attendees

 

4.      Promotion

-Whatever you can do to get the word out is beneficial. I recommend as many free or low cost avenues as possible: social media, flyers, TV/newspaper article. I have even been as fortunate to find a resource (a Christian single father) who is one of the top dogs at our West Michigan Clear Channel radio stations! Tell me that’s not a God thing?! “He opens doors that only He can open…”

-Be enthusiastic! People will come if they know your true heart and passion behind it. When we have the Gospel sown so deep into our own hearts first, it will naturally spring forth for others to see.

5.      Cater to the kids

-Remember, this is NOT daycare. And for liability reasons, don’t try to make it. Have things like games, coloring, face painting, and even inflatables (if you can swing it) for the kids to do. This will allow your guests to walk freely around the room and talk with vendors without having Junior constantly pull at their clothes because he’s bored.

 

6.      Giveaways

-I mentioned we gave away some great door prizes this year; and have in the years past too. Single parents are all too often completely depleted when it comes to financial resources…as well as physical, mental, and emotional strength. A pampering package to a local spa for a struggling single mom or a free dinner for a single dad may mean more to them than we could ever possibly know.

-Registration Cards. These are great for collecting personal information such as emails and phone numbers to inform your guest of future events. Assure them that you will never give their information out and would never “spam” them.

 

7.      Post follow up

-A follow up survey to both your guests and your vendors will provide valuable information and suggestions of how you can continue to grow and expand your own Single Parenting Expo. Although the questions may vary a bit between the vendors and guest, the overall data collected will provide a good base to build off of.

8.      Keep God on the Throne

-Although a Single Parenting Expo may not always be a “religious” event, the motivation behind it should always be to reach the lost for God’s purposes and introduce them to Christ. Survey after survey has shown that some of the most immediate resources single parents believe they need are things like food, shelter, and clothes. While this is very true, let us never forget who is the One where all good things come from (James 1:17)

-The least of these (Read Matthew 25:35-40)

 

            While this is a general and abbreviated overview of what it takes to put together your own Single Parenting Expo in your city, I pray it has been a good start for you. Please know I am always open to talk further to anyone who is willing in exploring the vision of helping us to form SPE’s all over the nation and world. Feel free to contact me at any time if you would like to discuss this further or visit our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/grandrapidssingleparentexpo.

Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established. –Prov 16:3 (NASB)