Soul Ties and Singles

My final guest blogger for this month is Jennifer Maggio of The Life of a Single Mom ministry (www.thelifeofasinglemom.com). Jennifer is an award-winning author and speaker who travels the country sharing her personal story of homelessness, abuse, and teen pregnancy. She is founder of the global nonprofit, The Life of a Single Mom, and has appeared on countless radio and television programs. For more information, visit http://www.jennifermaggio.com.

I was raised in a small, conservative church. It was common to talk about God and Jesus, but rarely did we discuss the Holy Spirit. I always perceived the Holy Spirit as kind of "too spiritual" maybe "too unknown" or "too scary", so I just didn't talk much about it. Our church sometimes talked about wanting the Holy Spirit to show up, but I often wondered if we feared that it actually would! This is the reason that I think I had never really heard of Soul Ties in years past. I found that myself and many of my Christian friends didn't discuss the things unseen, spiritual impact, or the warfare that takes place every day -- even though the Bible talks clearly about it.

Have you ever heard of the term Soul Tie? Admittedly, it was a new term for me in my early Christian walk, as well. You will not read those words in the Bible, and I haven't found it to be a frequent discussion in churches. But the simplest definition for a soul tie is spiritual tie. Spiritual connections/ties are often referred to in the Bible.

Okay, so here are some of the ways a Soul Tie is developed:

* Sex (Eph 5:31)
* Close relationships (as in with Jonathan and David in 1 Sam. 18)
* Vows & Commitments (such as "I will always love you." "You and I will be together forever." And so on).

As you can see, Soul Ties can be really cool, as with Jonathan and David and the close friendship they had. Additionally, it exhibits the closeness and importance of sex inside marriage, outside of just the physicality of it, but rather the spiritual aspects. However, Soul Ties can also be detrimental, such as when we have sex outside marriage, a marriage fails, or we speak eternal vows that tie us (such as telling a boyfriend we will always love him).

Soul ties are dangerous when you have had sex with multiple partners, verbalized eternal commitments to others, pursued close ungodly relationships, or had a failed marriage. It's important to recognize who you are tied to, before you can break free from the tie.

Maybe you've struggled with this and didn't even realize it was a soul tie. Are you a single mom who has struggled to move past the hurt from your ex? Do you struggle with commitment due to past hurt? Do you find it hard to end a relationship that you know is bad for you? Or maybe you feel like an ex has some type of "hold on you"? Have you struggled with sexual sin? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you have most certainly struggled with soul ties.

Let's talk about some ways to break free from soul ties:

* One way to break a soul tie is confessing sin, when applicable. If you have had sex outside marriage, you have formed a spiritual tie to that person. You have to confess the sin and repent.

*If gifts were given in an unholy relationship, GET RID OF THEM. Don't hold on to a shirt, a teddy bear, a letter, etc., given to you in an ungodly relationship. You're inviting trouble into your home and head.

*If you have made a rash commitment to someone, (I will always love you. There will never be another man for me.), then renounce it and repent of it, aloud. And...be careful to not keep doing it!

*Breaking Soul Ties also means forgiving the person. This is a tough one for single parents who have been hurt by an ex or who are still seeing a struggle with the commitment the ex has to your children (or lack of commitment). But if you don't forgive, you don't move on. He/She will have you captive to the past from now on. Release it.

*There is power in the name of Jesus. If you discover Soul Ties in your life and recognize you need to break them, renounce the tie in Jesus' name, aloud (even if you aren't comfortable with it and feel a little weird).

Letting Go of the "Nut" in Your Life

Our next guest blogger for the month of August is Clare De Graff. Clare is the author of The 10 Second Rule, a mentor, and I am grateful to say- a friend as well. You can follow his blog and learn more about the ministry and his book at  http://www.claredegraaf.com/.

When I meet with “driven” men, or those in a tough spot in their marriage or wounded by their “ex”, I’ll often ask them if they have a “nut” they just won’t, or can’t let go of.

I’m told there are tribes who have a unique method of capturing monkeys. It seems they drill a 1 ½” hole in a coconut, drain the milk and dry the meat. A large nut is then dropped through the hole and a short rope or chain is attached. One end is tied to the coconut and the other to a tree.

Soon a monkey will come along, pick up the coconut, shake it and hearing the nut rattling around inside, will reach through the hole for the nut. However, now the monkey’s fist holding the nut is larger than the hole and he can’t remove it.

All he’d have to do to be free is let go of the nut. But, soon the trapper comes along holding a club. The frightened monkey starts running around the palm tree and with each turn shortens the rope until there’s no slack left and he’s clubbed to death.

How stupid we think! But, many of us are gripping a “nut” of our own, and if we don’t let it go, will kill us.

So, what’s your nut?

Your nut may be an addiction, a relationship you know is wrong, or a wound from the past you simply haven’t been able to forgive and forget, or a person in your life who continues to make your life miserable. Your nut may be keeping you up at night, or be killing other important relationships in your life, including your relationship with God.

I know a woman so wounded by her former husband that it has kept her from ever truly trusting a man again. And that nut has even contaminated her own children’s view of men – killing future relationships before they’ve even developed.

I meet with men all the time whose nut is pornography. For others it’s sports, Fantasy Football, or working hard, not just to provide for their family, but so they can buy the next thing they think will make them happy. Many men spend more time every day working out or running than alone with God in Bible study and prayer. Their nut drives them to whatever it is that takes away the pain or makes them feel better about themselves. Sound familiar?

“For a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.” II Peter 2:19b

To Fear God

Our next guest blogger is Dawn Walker. She is the founder and director of Single Parent Missions, an advocate to see more churches catch the vision of single parent ministry, my co-author of the upcoming book "The Daddy Gap", and a very wonderful friend. To learn more about Dawn's ministry and to sign up for her daily "Hope Notes", visit www.singleparentmissions.org.


“He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God.” –Joshua 4:24 (NIV)

I’ve always connected with God through nature, but mountains in particular have always stirred my heart. There’s something about the wildness and grandeur and danger of them that draws me closer to the presence of God.

I am blessed to live just an hour’s drive from the Appalachian Mountains in Eastern Kentucky. And periodically I feel God calling me to come meet with Him out there. Last Friday was one of those days. It was a perfect summer day…a crisp 78 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, and not a thing on my agenda. I packed up my son, filled our backpacks with water and snacks, and headed out. Even on our drive out there, I felt a great sense of anticipation.

As soon as we arrived and got out of the car at the trail head, I could literally feel myself breathe more deeply. We set off on our hike and reached the Natural Bridge—a scenic ridge of rock at the top—within about 45 minutes. As we walked along the narrow ridge that had no guardrails but overlooked the beautiful mountains and valley below, I caught myself both marveling at the incredible view and considering the fact that one careless move too close to the edge would plunge me instantly to my death.

And it struck me what a great illustration this is of what it means to fear God.

Maybe God created mountains for us so that we might encounter something bigger and more powerful than ourselves; so we could learn to ‘fear’ or acknowledge His power and greatness. You have to admit, there’s a certain measure of fear that we experience on a mountain that we just don’t in the tidy grass of our backyard. Yet it’s not the kind of fear that is meant to paralyze or oppress us, it’s the healthy kind of fear where we have a heightened sense of awe and wonder and beauty, while at the same time realizing what’s at stake and that our attention to staying on the right path matters.

Fearing God is knowing that being near to Him means being closer to risk…but it also means being closer to miracles. It means obeying His call to come up, maybe even forging a steep trail alone not knowing how much further or what awaits us at the top…but it also means discovering God’s faithfulness in sustaining us and His goodness in surprising us with stunning, unforgettable views.

Fearing God means counting the cost by preparing well and conditioning ourselves for some suffering…but it also means discovering and developing more of His strength and His character in us. Fearing God also means leaving some things behind; it means trusting Him when He says that we have a far greater chance of reaching the summit when we travel light, knowing that if we try to carry more than we really need, or refuse to unload stuff that is clearly holding us back, we will get bogged down and have to stop short of the destination He has for us.

Finally, to fear God is to understand how much it matters who you take with you as you progress up the mountain. Moses understood this when he was called further up Mount Sinai to receive the stone tablets from God.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tables of stone, and a law, and commandments which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.
And Moses rose up, and his minister Joshua: and Moses went up into the mount of God.
~Exodus 24:12-13 (KJV)

Notice who Moses didn’t take…the masses of Israelites who would whine and complain and slow him down or distract him from his purpose. He took Joshua, his trusted apprentice; the one who served the Lord faithfully and ‘ministered’ to Moses by serving him and being a constant voice of encouragement to Him. As hard as it may be sometimes, fearing God will inevitably require leaving some people behind who aren’t up for the journey…but then getting the gift of a few remarkable people God brings alongside us to share the adventure with and who spur us on to greater heights.

 

Casting Away Garments (Clothed in Affliction)

Well, guest blogger month is here! Our lead off hitter is not only one of the most godly men I know, but my very best friend in the world- Pastor Daniel Jackson of Divine Cathedral of Faith in Tampa, FL. PD has been a major influence in my life since day one and is truly one of the vessels God used to help form me into the man I am today. To learn more about the ministry of DCOF, visit http://www.divinecathedral.org/.


^"Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” 
 Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”
So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” ⁵⁰ Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
“Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road." -Mark 10:46-52 (NIV)

Because of life’s ups & down’s we can sometimes develop a bad habit of putting on cloaks that cover and disguise our true purpose and our true identity. Some of us have been in disguise for so long that we are starting to forget who we really are. Instead of allowing situations that arise in our life to cause us to put on the garment of praise (Isaiah 61:3), we have put on garments to conceal our true identity.

Through life’s journey we have suffered many things and the hurt and sometimes even embarrassment that came upon us as a result of those things, has caused us to put on layers of garments.

Now I have to be honest with you today, this Christian journey is no picnic. You have to be kind to folks who don’t like you, forgive those who intentionally hurt you and even pray for those who desire to see you fail. However, I promise you that in the end, if you hold on, it will be a walk to remember!

I want to talk about the blind man named Bartimaeus who suffered with an affliction. If you noticed I stated that he was a blind man who suffered with an affliction. Most people would think that his blindness was his affliction, but I’m here today to tell you that his blindness was just a condition that gave God the opportunity to show off His glory!

The affliction came upon him during his process of trying to be accepted by man. I’m sure that some hurt person, who was dealing with insecurity issues themselves, came along and told Bartimaeus that he was not normal. They probably picked on Bartimaeus just to take the attention off of the fact that they hadn’t really accomplished anything themselves.

And they said in awe, look at the blind man, he must have done something wrong to deserve this punishment. I’m sure that they would even go and play evil jokes on him and as a result, year after year Bartimaeus added a new garment of shame and a new garment of depression. These new garments are what his afflictions were made of. He was no longer just a man that had a condition of being blind; his garments made it comfortable for him to now sit on the side of the road and be labeled a beggar.

There are two things that Bartimaeus needed to do in order to receive his complete healing for his condition and deliverance from his afflictions. He had to cry out and say Jesus, thou son of David, have mercy on me. No matter who charged him to hold his peace, he still cried out Jesus, “Have mercy on me”. The second thing that Bartimaeus had to do was to cast away his garment and get up from his condition that his affliction caused him to be in.

Take off that garment of depression, take off that garment of shame, take off that garment of hopelessness and watch God make you whole again, if you only believe that He can.