Parents: 4 Reasons Why You Need Them

Our final guest blogger of the month is a good friend of mine, Rod Arters. Rod is an extremely passionate and talented writer and contributes to such sites as Crosswalk.com. To follow Rod's blog, please visit http://rodarters.wordpress.com/.

During my teenage years, the musical genre "hip hop" was born. During my senior year in high school, one of the leading hip hop artists was DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. (You know the "Fresh Prince" today as Will Smith, famous Hollywood actor.) The group had just produced a hit song titled, "Parents just don't understand." I certainly felt that way and listened to that song repeatedly. Though my parents seemed to have occasional bouts of sanity, most times I thought they were from another planet. They obviously had never been teenagers themselves. Now, with some age and maturity under my belt, I realize that they too have gotten a lot smarter as they grew up.

And though God is the Source of wisdom and we certainly should ask Him for it, there is another person close to you that possesses a great deal of wisdom; your parent. When Solomon was imploring his children to seek his wisdom, he did not implore them to do so because he was crowned the Bible's wisest man. No, in fact, he begs his children to listen to him simply because he is “Dad.” Below are 4 reasons why your parents are a great source of wisdom for you to learn from.

1) They are wiser than you. Though they may not possess the wisdom of Solomon, they certainly are wiser than you. Glean from their wisdom. Learn all that you can while you can. It would be a shame to have been given such close proximity for so long to not take full advantage of all they could teach you. How many of us only appreciate what we have been given after it is gone? Having lost my biological father when I was five years old, I certainly wish I had access to his wisdom today.

2) They are older than you. Simply having lived 20 to 30 years before you came along means they have 2 or 3 decades of experience with this thing called “Life.” Do anything for 20 or 30 years and you will begin to acquire wisdom on that very subject. Do not forget the number of years that separates you from your mother and father. Though you may “feel” you know a lot, you actually know quite little in comparison to them. You may know more about your particular job, but they have a PHD in LIFE and the only way you acquire that prestigious degree is by blowing out birthday candles. Lots of them.

3) They have made more mistakes than you. Rita Mae Brown once said, "Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment." Sinful choices often breed wisdom. The more mistakes they have made, the more wisdom (oftentimes) they have acquired. Since your parents have a 20 or 30 year head start on you in regards to mistakes, they also have the same lead in regards to wisdom. All parents have made choices that they wish they never made. And since those choices are often lined with deep regret, nothing would please your parents more than to see their own children avoid the same traps. Learn from their mistakes so you do not have to make them yourself.

4) They are invested. No one has invested more in you (or loves you more) than your parents. Consider the investment they have made in you so far. Who sustained you when you could not sustain yourself? Who taught you how to walk and talk? Who has assisted you with homework night after night so that you might get the grade that will get the diploma that will get the job that will allow you to make the income to become a contributing member of society? Ask the experts and you will find that it costs over $200,000 to raise a child from birth to 18 years of age. Consider that investment. The next time you ask your parents for $20 and they say, “No,” remember they have already given you much more than that. Parents invest and then re-invest over and over again. Oftentimes, parents do not see their ROI (return on investment) for years. In spite of it, they continue to try and give and teach and plead so that their precious investment might acquire something that took them far too long to achieve... wisdom.

You can hear this pleading in Solomon's tone as he writes to his children:

§  Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. (Proverbs 1:8-9)

§  My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. (Proverbs 3:1-2)

§  My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble. When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. (Proverbs 3:21-24)

§  Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.
I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother. Then he taught me, and he said to me, “Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. She will give you a garland to grace your head and present you with a glorious crown. (Proverbs 4:1-8)

Begin today to seek wisdom. Though everyone needs wisdom, youth need it more since their lack of experience deprives them of it. Wisdom is the one gift that God desires to give to all people (James 1) and He puts heavy doses of it in your closest ally; your parents.

“Keep your Father’s word and treasure Mom’s commandments within you. Keep their commandments and live… bind them on your fingers and write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister’ and call understanding your intimate friend.” (Proverbs 7:1-4)

Accepting Trouble

Our third guest blogger this month is my good friend Dawn Walker, founder and director of Single Parent Missions and my coauthor for our upcoming book "The Daddy Gap". Dawn is one of the most passionate and Christ-centered people I know; and a force to be reckoned with when it comes to leading single parents in faith in Christ. For more information and to sign up for her daily "Hope Notes", please visit www.singleparentmissions.org.

“His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”
–Job 2:9-10 (NIV)

 
How good are you at accepting trouble? I don’t mean trouble like you can’t find your car keys, but the kind of trouble that makes even the people around you question how God could possibly love you if He would allow something so painful and unfair to happen.

As single parents, most of us know a bit about this kind of trouble. Even as I speak, it’s been 30 days since I’ve seen my 10-year-old son. The court granted his dad a 6-week visit for the first time this summer, and it was hard to let him go. Not because I’m codependent and can’t be apart from him, but because he would be five states away and I don’t have great confidence in his dad’s integrity. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I would get my son back.

But I knew I had to trust God and let him go.

About three weeks into his visit, I was in Texas for a business trip, just 30 minutes from where he lived, and politely asked if I could see my son for just an hour, just to say hello and give him a hug. There was no response. When I called for the one time a week I was supposed to be able to talk with my son, there was no answer. Four days later, I still had not heard from my son and had no way to get in touch with him.

There was a part of my heart that was screaming for justice and not wanting to accept this trouble. And yet, I sensed God was trying to teach me something in it…to let go and trust Him in all situations, especially those that are completely unfair and totally out of my control. Because if I truly believe that He loves me, that He is always good and everything that happens is for my good, then I should be able to accept everything, right? Even those things that feel utterly wrong and bad.

As Julian of Norwich said in Revelations of Divine Love:

See that I am God. See that I am in everything. See that I do everything. See that I have never stopped ordering my works, nor ever shall, eternally. See that I lead everything on to the conclusion I ordained for it before time began, by the same power, wisdom and love with which I made it. How can anything be amiss?

Job had to learn this truth through some unbelievably painful and unfair trials. And I had to learn it too. Only with this perspective—only with the lens of God’s faithfulness through stories like Job’s—was I able to fight off the urge to curse God and retaliate by bombarding my ex with accusing messages and threats to get him to comply with our agreement. Trusting my Heavenly Father’s grace, I did nothing, sent not one message, but waited on God…for days. Interestingly, as I was in the middle of writing this, my phone rang and it was my son. Hearing his sweet voice and knowing he was okay was such a relief. And seeing him get off the plane just a few days ago and give me a huge hug was such a gift to my heart.

But I think the best gift was the reminder that God is always in control. When I trust Him in my trouble, and accept good and bad as something He is doing to accomplish His purposes, He will grow my faith and like Job, bring great rewards in the end.

Needless Machismo

Our next Guest Blogger for the month is Nate Stevens from Charlotte, NC. Nate grew up as a missionary kid and currently writes devotions and articles for several ministries. He has enjoyed a 30 year career as a banker and a wonderful man of God. Nate is the father to two awesome kids and the author of the book Matched for Marriage- Meant for Life. (This blog is an excerpt from the book) For more information on Nate and his availability, please visit www.natestevens.net.

Today's men seem lost between the world's stereotypes and what Scripture reveals as godly characteristics.

Our present day culture says, "Suck it up, play through the pain, never let me see you cry, hide your true feelings, emotions are for wimps, vulnerability will only hurt you, and good guys finish last." Even the current clothing fashions attempt to emasculate men by promoting more effeminate, soft, and weak styles. Yet Scripture provides a much different, counter-cultural, and more courageous perspective for men to follow.

Two primary Scriptural examples come to mind: the behaviors and characteristics Jesus demonstrated and the instructions given to men as husbands.

In looking at the life of Jesus, we find a perfect example of masculinity. Being an emotionally whole and healthy man, He exhibited a wide range of emotions. He cried, was impatient, and got angry. He was bold, yet compassionate, humble, and forgiving. He bonded with a group of men, yet still took time to be alone – usually with God in prayer.

Jesus met people at their individual points of need and was comfortable interacting with people from all stages and statures of life. He had an unusual magnetism that prompted children to want to be around Him. He said what He meant and meant what He said. He loved fully, exuded confidence in the face of adversity, and remained calm when all others were going crazy. He challenged leaders when they were wrong, even though it placed Him in danger. He knew who He was and fulfilled His purpose with determination. He was a leader who stood for what was right without compromising His moral standards – disregarding public appeal and personal gain.

In essence, Jesus was all man.

Shifting our attention to the instruction given to men as husbands, one verse in particular stands out as encouragement against today’s societal trends. Colossians 3:19 says a husband is to love his wife and “not be harsh”with her (NIV). Dictionaries define the word harsh as to be cruel, offensive to the mind or feelings, or oppressive. The King James Version of the Bible translates the word harsh as bitter. The overall meaning is that a husband must not be insensitive, inconsiderate, or unkind to his wife.

A man’s harsh language or disrespectful behavior toward his wife is unacceptable. This includes playing cruel mind games, showing disrespect, being mean and insensitive, giving her the silent treatment, and all forms of domestic violence and abuse.

Words, actions, or attitudes that demonstrate bitterness include resentment, cynicism, anger, meanness, being unpleasant, and name-calling.

Most of the words that describe bitterness mirror the world’s mindset of a “macho man.” Someone who acts rough and tough, is untouchable, insensitive, emotionally detached, and invulnerable. However, the scriptural view of how a man shares compassionate and unselfish love with his wife paints a much different picture than what the world portrays.

An antonym for bitterness is sweetness. Sweetness can be described by such words as lovable, charming, appealing, adorable, thoughtful, considerate, pleasant, gentle, softhearted, agreeable, and harmonious.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating that men become cry-babies who sit around talking about their feelings and singing Kum-Bah-Yah. There is a big difference between a wimpy pushover and a courageous, affectionate, emotionally healthy man. Insecure cowards hide behind mean, disrespectful, and superficial behavior. But it takes a real man, mature in spirit, mind, soul, and body, to be the godly man portrayed in Scripture.

So men, as the saying goes, “Man up!” Drop the tough-guy act and prepare yourself to courageously live a life of compassion, gentleness, and loving affection. Develop and exhibit respectful, sensitive, and honorable behavior in all your interactions. If Jesus demonstrated the emotion, it’s okay for you to do the same.

The world is desperately looking for healthy, vibrant, godly men of integrity. Will you be one?

We Have No Idea Who is Watching or Listening to Us

August is Guest Blogger Month at AFW! Our leadoff hitter this year is a true friend, mentor, and blessing in my life: Kris Swiatocho from The Singles Network ministries. Kris is a passionate author, speaker, and motivator for singles and singles ministries around the world. For more information, please visit her website at www.thesinglesnetwork.org. I pray you are as blessed by her words and heart as I am. -Matt

I recently wrote an article for Crosswalk called Jesus, Single Like Me:Friendships That Don't Lead to Marriage. Like most of the articles I write, I get email from those who have read it. Most of the emails are supporting what I have to say, thanking me or praying for my ministry, etc. But last week I had something different sent to me. A young man, 19 or so years old had read my article and proceeded to share with me some of his struggles. He had just recently started going to college. He asked me, how in the world could he be friends with women when there are so many around him. He also shared how he had started to date one of them and she did not believe in God. He was struggling with dating her knowing this. He had basically built the relationship on the physical first before any type of foundation of friendship. A focus on seeking Christ first had been thrown out of the picture until now, until his email.

I first thanked him for his honesty and transparency. It took a lot of courage to stop the relationship he was in. The Holy Spirit had been convicting him that things were not right. However, he wasn't sure what the next step was. He also wasn't sure how in the world do you build friendships with women and not have it go the wrong way. Well between my article and my comments back to him, as with all things, its starts with prayer, seeking Christ first with what He wants, practicing boundaries, protecting the other person/guarding their heart, and living the example because they are watching us, they are listening.

You see, when you are a believer and people know it, they are watching everything we say and do. They are watching to see if we fall. They are watching to see how we handle stress, our money, our attitude, our time, etc. So whether it’s in our friendship and ultimately who we date, to those we work with, to those who live next doors to even other believers, what we do or say could have an eternal effect on others.

Would you do me a favor and pray for this young man. God knows his name. He needs us to intercede for him to make the right choices, to deal with all those temptations that are around him, to keep Christ first and to find a group of other guys to hold him accountable.

This life can be so hard. I remember my college days (well most of them) and I can't image that it’s only gotten worse. The devil is on our campuses waiting to pounce. Join me in prayer for our young folks.