Ten Deadly Traps Single Fathers Fall Into: Depression

It’s pretty well known that in general, men don’t like to ask for help (speaking personally here). We don’t need a map when it comes to knowing which way to go; we can fix anything without directions; and of course we are always well-versed when it comes to working our way around a clothing store and making sure everything matches perfectly! At the risk of driving a bit longer when we didn’t have to, not all of the parts working right after we “fixed” something, or defying many of the latest fashion trends, the consequences of men not asking for help can often be minimal- but not when it comes to depression.

If we are not on guard, failure to address the hurts and frustrations of single parenting and/or our current situations can develop from sadness into something more serious, such as depression. Society tells us to “suck it up” or keep it in. If left untreated (like asking for help, guys!), depression can sink in deeper; potentially leading to physical health and mental degeneration, isolation, or risky/addictive behaviors.

But there is a way to prevent this or to break free! First off, recognize that you may be in depression or heading that way. Drop the ego or mindset that you (we) can work this out on our own. Build a strong support system of other healthy Christian men around you whom you can call on when needed and who will check in on you. Perhaps change to a more nutritious diet and add in an exercise routine (at a doctor’s discretion first). Definitely increase your prayer life and ask God for the ability to renew your mind; to have “the mind of Christ”.  Don’t be ashamed to look into Christian counseling and apply it when needed. Finally, if and when it is possible, stay engaged with your children; doing your best not to let your struggles hinder your parenting ability. That is not to say we should hide everything from our kids, they need to see we struggle too and how we can work through it in a godly way. Just do your best to give them your best when they are with you. God gives us the ability to overcome anything through Christ; but He also provides other individuals and resources in our lives to help us through too. Don’t wait! Today is the day of freedom- whether breaking free from depression, or never allowing it to begin in the first place.

 

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. –Isaiah 42:10 (NASB)

Ten Deadly Traps Single Fathers Fall Into: Jealousy

Single parenting is birthed out of loss: primarily the loss of a relationship; but often followed by areas such as finances, possessions, and as we discussed in the previous post- maybe even our identity. If our foundation has been rocked, or it wasn’t very sturdy to begin with, it is quite easy to covet others’ lives. As time passes on, we may see an even greater increase in this if we don’t stay on alert. Holidays become more difficult to bear as couples seem to be everywhere celebrating together; our broken down rides stick out like a sore thumb next to someone else’s new car; perhaps your ex has a new man around your kids and that’s a tough one to swallow; and don’t even get me started on how easy it is to lose focus on social media! Did you know that studies have shown that the more often someone (usually teens in this case, but I think it applies to all) is on Facebook the more depressed they become? Why? Because most of us only post the good things on social media, thus our lives seem so mundane compared to theirs. Of course, they are looking back at your life and thinking the exact same thing!

The point is, being jealous (i.e. coveting) is a sin (Exodus 20:17), and God never meant for us to live that way. It may sound cliché, but as you learn to find contentment in what you DO have and the eternal value in those things you have the opportunity to gain a whole new perspective on life. Trust me, I used to loathe saying “we don’t have money for that” to my daughter. I got caught up in trying to compete with her mom and that side of the family rather than parenting her the way God intended me to. I have now found ways to create awesome memories that she and I can hold on to forever- and most of the time they come at zero to minimal cost! You can do the same too.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 6 not to worry about what we will eat or wear- to seek first the kingdom of God and the rest will be added to us. Paul follows this up in Philippians 4 by telling us we have the ability (through Christ) to be content in all of life’s circumstances. Where do you find yourself today? Do you find yourself becoming jealous of what others have (or what you don’t have)? Is there something of the sort that is eating away at you and stealing your joy and hindering your ability to parent your children effectively? Or, do you find yourself dying daily to the things of old and seeking things with an eternal value? When we can get to the point that we no longer desire what others have, but find true contentment in the blessings that are already around us, we reach a crucial point of maturity in our faith walk and avoid one of the most deceptive traps that can be thrown our way.  I pray the result will be the memories you and your children will be able to dwell upon some day and see how God was working all along.

So we fix our eyes on not what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seem is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. -2Cor 4:18 (NIV)