This week's post is by one of the leading authorities in single parenthood, Jennifer Maggio of The Life of a Single Mom. I really connected with Jennifer's blog because as many of you know, I lived a life of extreme sexual sin and it's devastating effects for years myself as well. I pray you will really take her words to heart here, and understand that this is not written by one (or several) person's opinion, but through direct obedience to God's Word. Be blessed in knowing who you are in Christ today.
Yep, I’m going there. There’s no sense in pretending the subject does not exist, so… buckle up.
I recently came across a website that INFURIATED me. In fact, that is probably a serious understatement. Since my life’s passion is single moms, I am always researching single parent topics. I happened upon an article regarding sex and singles. I would not dare give you the name of the site, because I will not give them the satisfaction of multiple hits. But here is what the meat of the article said, loosely translated, “My name is Sally. I am single. I have been for some time. I am also a Christian. I have been for some time. And I am sexually active. I have been for some time. God created sex. Sex is good. And since no normal human being would be able to abstain for any length of time anyway (and God really does not expect us to), I know God will forgive me. I’m going for it and you should do the same.”
The lengthy article sparked quite the controversy. I almost chimed in with the hundreds of other comments and voiced my outrage, but quickly knew that it would fall on deaf ears and she wrote that article (and many like it) for that exact reason.
80% of the country identifies themselves as Christian, so why is it that none of us talk about this subject? Christians follow God’s written word as their life’s instruction book – The Bible. The Bible is more than clear on its principles regarding sex.
1 Corinthians 6:18 NLT “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does…” There are dozens and dozens of Scriptures that outline God’s word for how sex is supposed to happen. Sex is good. It IS right. But only within God’s plan for our lives.
This is not new news for most of us. We’ve heard it before. But have you ever wondered why God puts such a difficult “don’t” on our list? Have you ever thought, like the woman above, that this was a ridiculous measure for which no one could ever live up to? That ain’t right how God won’t let us have any fun, huh? Well let me tell you what “ain’t right”…
- Suicides among teen girls
- Sexually transmitted diseases affect millions
- AIDS in still an incurable disease
- Millions of babies have been killed through abortion, because moms cannot afford to or do not see how they could care for them.
- 50% of babies are born outside marriage today, which leads to single parenting. Single parenting among those under 25 is most often associated with lower income rates, higher high school drop out rates, suicide, depression, and abuse. Those are the facts. (For exact citations, refer to The Church and the Single Mom by Jennifer Maggio).
That does not even broach the subject of giving oneself over sexually to another and how the emotions tie in or the broken hearts that follow.
Let me challenge you with this idea. As a parent, when we tell our 7-year-old not to play in the street, is it because we do not want him to have any fun playing kickball with his friends? Are we just plain ol’ mean parents? No, of course not. It is because we understand the potential danger that our precious seven-year-old could experience and we want to protect him — EVEN IF HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY. The exact same is true for Christians. Our Heavenly Father does not want to hinder joy in our lives, but He does want to protect us from potential harm.
And before you decide that I am some rigid, unbending, beat-you-over-the-head-with-the-Bible, finger-pointing, judgemental Christian, let me stop you. I WAS some of those statistics. I was sexually active at thirteen, pregnant four times by nineteen, and dabbled in sexual promiscuity for years thereafter, living in poverty, depression, abuse, and more. I have lived it and seen first-hand the devastation it causes.
Today, as I work full-time with single parents, I have seen hundreds of young teens walk through the most difficult seasons of their lives because they did not wait. I’ve seen thousands of single moms struggle emotionally and financially, because they did not wait. I’ve seen the trickle affect that this one simple concept (or lack thereof) has had on our economy, emotional well-being, and spiritual growth.
And before my inbox is flooded with countless emails, let me be clear. Everyone has their list of issues they are working on. (I know I sure do). No one thing is greater than the other. I am not saying this is just a single parent problem, obviously, but my passion is for helping the single parent live a better life.
Before you embark on one more meaningless sexual relationship that could very well leave you more emotionally broken, more financially broken, and more spiritually broken, think about its effects and know that there is great freedom in simply waiting for the right one.
Jennifer Maggio is an award-winning author and speaker, who is considered one of the nation’s leading authorities on single parent issues. She is the author of two critically-acclaimed books, founder of a single parent magazine, columnist, 11-time Circle of Excellence winner, and founder of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She has helped launch more than 500 single parent ministries in churches in 19 countries and runs one of the nation’s largest. She has appeared on countless radio and television programs including, The 700 Club, Daystar TV, Focus on the Family and more. For more info, visit www.thelifeofasinglemom.com.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Broken But Not Destroyed
Today's guest blogger holds an extremely special place in my heart and life- my best friend in the world, Pastor Daniel Jackson. Dan and I will be celebrating 18 years of friendship this month, and I can honestly say that he has played an enormous role in my walk with the Lord. I pray you enjoy his blog; and you can find out more about his church in Tampa, FL at www.divinecathedral.org.
“You
have to take control over your life” is a familiar saying that can be heard
being echoed in our schools, medical offices and rehabilitation centers. As a
result of being encouraged to take control, people are now driven by this
desire to be in control. Well the only problem with that is that for the
believer, this walk is all about giving your will for God’s will. So once
you’ve joined this Christian Army your way of thinking has to change. No more
I, but Christ that lives inside, should be your new model. I know, I know, this
change of thinking is easier said than done, but Jeremiah 10:23 says; “O Lord,
I know that the way of a man is not in himself: It is not in man that walketh
to direct his steps.”
But
that old way of thinking has caused some of us to become our own wise counsel,
instead of seeking the face of God. As a result of this thinking, if it felt
good to “US” then we threw our all into it. So we find ourselves in
relationships that we never even prayed about. We told everybody else about the
relationship but God, and when the relationship didn’t work out you felt
ashamed and embarrassed. The pain that you felt was as though your life was
coming to an end, and quite frankly the desire to live seemed to have gone.
Well, what happened is that the devil was trying to us the pain, shame and
embarrassment to destroy you. Some of you were promised the altar, some of you
were left at the altar, and some of your lives were forever altered as a result
of this failed relationship. But I will tell this day under the authority of
God that this thing was allowed to take place in your life only to bring you to
the point of giving up your control. You had to be broken in order to be
completely healed. Psalms 51:17 says; “The sacrifice of God are a broken
spirit: a broken spirit and a contrite heart, Oh God thou wilt not despise.”
That
friendship, that relationship was a sacrifice that you needed to make to get
you to the point of brokenness. Stop pondering on the things that you’ve lost
or have had to give up. There is something greater that God has in-store for
you! This thing was never designed to destroy you, but to prepare you for the
true blessing from God that shall be released as a result of your total
surrender.
In His
Service,
Pastor Daniel Jackson
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Co-Parenting with the Ex, Helping Children Thrive After Divorce
Well, August is upon us and as promised, I am featuring several guest bloggers this month. Leading things off is my friend Tammy Daughtry and her expertise on parents working together for the better of the children. I pray you are blessed by her input and encourage you to look up her new book and check out her website, all of which is listed below. Go get 'em Tammy!
Co-Parenting "Business Meetings" With The Ex, Helping Children Thrive After Divorce
By Tammy Daughtry, MMFT
Founder, Co-Parenting International
Author, Co-parenting Works! Helping Your Children Thrive After Divorce!
I have been a co-parent for 11 years now, Angelia was two when her father and I divorced. One of the best decisions we made early on was to NEVER discuss co-parenting issues in front of her during the transition time. We don't discuss schedule issues, financial issues or even discipline concerns. We reserve these discussions for a private conversation between us when she is not present. Over the years we have met for coffee at a local restaurant or we have planned conference calls in the evenings after she is asleep. It has taken hard work to make these meetings possible, but what we have done is given Angelia a peaceful experience when we are both present, with no worry or concern about anything uncomfortable for her.
Unfortunately, many children of divorce truly dread the transition time because their parents argue and discuss difficult topics in front of them. Many angry ex's use this as a time to try and get back at the other parent, but the person who gets hurt the most is always the child. If you are a co-parent or you know someone who is, consider trying to have co-parenting meetings away from the children's hearing or sight.
In my book, Co-parenting Works! Helping Children Thrive After Divorce, we call these TEAMM Meetings: The TEAMM acronym stands for The End Adult Matters Most. We have to put aside our past, our emotions, and find a way to coordinate schedules and life details so our children can have the very best life possible, even though they are being raised between two homes. We compare this to being "CO-CEOs" of a business. There are thousands of details to manage, financial obligations, long range planning as well as immediate crisis management at times. It is critical that co-parents work together for the sake of their children.
For a free sample of a CO-PARENTING TEAMM MEETING AGENDA and other free co-parenting articles, see www.CoparentingInternational.com.
Co-Parenting "Business Meetings" With The Ex, Helping Children Thrive After Divorce
By Tammy Daughtry, MMFT
Founder, Co-Parenting International
Author, Co-parenting Works! Helping Your Children Thrive After Divorce!
I have been a co-parent for 11 years now, Angelia was two when her father and I divorced. One of the best decisions we made early on was to NEVER discuss co-parenting issues in front of her during the transition time. We don't discuss schedule issues, financial issues or even discipline concerns. We reserve these discussions for a private conversation between us when she is not present. Over the years we have met for coffee at a local restaurant or we have planned conference calls in the evenings after she is asleep. It has taken hard work to make these meetings possible, but what we have done is given Angelia a peaceful experience when we are both present, with no worry or concern about anything uncomfortable for her.
Unfortunately, many children of divorce truly dread the transition time because their parents argue and discuss difficult topics in front of them. Many angry ex's use this as a time to try and get back at the other parent, but the person who gets hurt the most is always the child. If you are a co-parent or you know someone who is, consider trying to have co-parenting meetings away from the children's hearing or sight.
In my book, Co-parenting Works! Helping Children Thrive After Divorce, we call these TEAMM Meetings: The TEAMM acronym stands for The End Adult Matters Most. We have to put aside our past, our emotions, and find a way to coordinate schedules and life details so our children can have the very best life possible, even though they are being raised between two homes. We compare this to being "CO-CEOs" of a business. There are thousands of details to manage, financial obligations, long range planning as well as immediate crisis management at times. It is critical that co-parents work together for the sake of their children.
For a free sample of a CO-PARENTING TEAMM MEETING AGENDA and other free co-parenting articles, see www.CoparentingInternational.com.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
August is Guest Blogger Month!
I will be using next month as an opportunity to allow other writers to share their hearts as guest bloggers. Those writers will include Stacy Haight, Jennifer Barnes Maggio (Life of a Single Mom), Tammy Daughtry (Co Parenting International), and Pastor Daniel Jackson (Divine Cathedral of Faith- Tampa, FL).
I am excited to see what God speaks through these individuals, so stay tuned!
I am excited to see what God speaks through these individuals, so stay tuned!
Friday, July 20, 2012
Shadows
Read Psalm 51
I was outside (in this BEAUTIFUL weather) today with a friend of mine discussing sin. We talked about how when someone is walking in sin it affects all areas of your life. Being a bright sunny day out, he pointed down to our shadows and said that when we walk in sin it's like our shadow- it follows us around everywhere. I then noticed something pretty cool. Think about it: When you are facing directly into the sun, your shadow is directly behind you. However, when you turn your back to the sun, your shadow is right there in front of you. Hmmm...sound familiar? When we are focused and keeping ourselves facing directly at the SON, our shadow (sin) is always behind us. When we turn our backs to the Son, our sin is ever before us! Don't you love it when God uses His own creation to make lessons so easy for us?
I was outside (in this BEAUTIFUL weather) today with a friend of mine discussing sin. We talked about how when someone is walking in sin it affects all areas of your life. Being a bright sunny day out, he pointed down to our shadows and said that when we walk in sin it's like our shadow- it follows us around everywhere. I then noticed something pretty cool. Think about it: When you are facing directly into the sun, your shadow is directly behind you. However, when you turn your back to the sun, your shadow is right there in front of you. Hmmm...sound familiar? When we are focused and keeping ourselves facing directly at the SON, our shadow (sin) is always behind us. When we turn our backs to the Son, our sin is ever before us! Don't you love it when God uses His own creation to make lessons so easy for us?
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Who's to Blame?
One generation shall praise Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts. -Psalm 145:4 (NKJV)
I overheard some guys at work talking this week about how lost and delinquent the current generation of youth is. Since I am also in teen ministry myself, I decided to include myself in the conversation. I asked them who they really thought was to blame. I went on to say that since all babies are born relatively the same and their only two major needs and desires in life growing up are to be loved by their parents and to play, their actions must have been taught from somewhere else. Sadly, each generation IS responsible for the next, and it begins at home with our own children. We have created an over-sexed, under-moral, virtual, and hopeless world- and our kids are becoming the victims of our choices. As fathers, despite what type of upbringing and home environment we may have come from, it is OUR job to raise, train, and grow our children not only in the Lord, but to also prepare them for life in general. Anything short and we miss the mark. Whether you are a single father or not, I am challenging ALL dads to begin to search for ways to connect with your children. If you have older kids or adult children, this may be a bit more difficult, but definitely not impossible. There may be some tough talks, a huge swallow of humble pie on our part, and tears, but God has equipped us to be strong in these type of situations. (2Tim 1:7) As I wrote in my book and will repeat here, Jesus commands us to go and make disciples; well, it begins at home with our kids. They're waiting Dad. Seek God today through prayer and His Word to find everything you need to become a godly father and help raise a godly next generation.
I overheard some guys at work talking this week about how lost and delinquent the current generation of youth is. Since I am also in teen ministry myself, I decided to include myself in the conversation. I asked them who they really thought was to blame. I went on to say that since all babies are born relatively the same and their only two major needs and desires in life growing up are to be loved by their parents and to play, their actions must have been taught from somewhere else. Sadly, each generation IS responsible for the next, and it begins at home with our own children. We have created an over-sexed, under-moral, virtual, and hopeless world- and our kids are becoming the victims of our choices. As fathers, despite what type of upbringing and home environment we may have come from, it is OUR job to raise, train, and grow our children not only in the Lord, but to also prepare them for life in general. Anything short and we miss the mark. Whether you are a single father or not, I am challenging ALL dads to begin to search for ways to connect with your children. If you have older kids or adult children, this may be a bit more difficult, but definitely not impossible. There may be some tough talks, a huge swallow of humble pie on our part, and tears, but God has equipped us to be strong in these type of situations. (2Tim 1:7) As I wrote in my book and will repeat here, Jesus commands us to go and make disciples; well, it begins at home with our kids. They're waiting Dad. Seek God today through prayer and His Word to find everything you need to become a godly father and help raise a godly next generation.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
A Father's Influence
The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him. -Prov 20:7 (NASB)
I really just want to write today to encourage any of you fathers out there (single or married) and explain to you the unmeasurable weight you carry as an influence in your children's lives. I'm not going to dwell on statistics or redundant statements; but rather, on personal experience and of course- God's Word.
As the verse above explains, when we are walking in harmony with Jesus and His commandments, we not only prosper, but as do our kids. God loves to bless other generations through the faithfulness of others. (Deut 7:9) My daughter's life is no different.
Any of you who know my story know that there was a point in my life when I was living for everything OTHER than God. I destroyed not only my own body physically and spiritually- but so many individuals were left for the worse after they had met me. Some of those people I have been able to reconcile relationship with and ask for their forgivness; obviously I was forgiven as well when I came to the Cross. Over the years I have had numerous ups and downs in both my walk with the Lord and as a father. However, God does not look at the short term (though He is concerned with our daily walk), but rather with the molding and shaping of our character. Very rarely do things happen overnight in regards to this- it is a lifelong process. Paul tells us in Phil 1:6, "For I am confident in this very thing, that He who began good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." (NASB)
Every time I have my daughter I watch with absolute awe and amazement of all that God is doing in her life. She is becoming stronger in her prayers every day; is very selfless when it comes to the wellbeing of others (a quaility rare in any 6 year old); and makes life decisions often beyond her years. It is because of the fruit like this that (without going into detail) my mentor once told me that if she is already portraying these type of Christ-like attributes, that my influence is definitely stronger than others in her life. I am not saying this by any means to diminish her mother's parenting. I am simply making the point that when we dads are completely sold out to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, despite our past mistakes- God will cleanse and establish us. Being faithful to His word, He will bless or children as well.
So here is my charge to you today Dad: Dig into God's Word and follow Jesus' commandments. Continue to strengthen your relationship with Him through prayer and take up your cross daily. Understand what your children need from you as their father and seek God in accomplishing this. Our Father expects very our best, and our children deserve no less. Be blessed man of God.
I really just want to write today to encourage any of you fathers out there (single or married) and explain to you the unmeasurable weight you carry as an influence in your children's lives. I'm not going to dwell on statistics or redundant statements; but rather, on personal experience and of course- God's Word.
As the verse above explains, when we are walking in harmony with Jesus and His commandments, we not only prosper, but as do our kids. God loves to bless other generations through the faithfulness of others. (Deut 7:9) My daughter's life is no different.
Any of you who know my story know that there was a point in my life when I was living for everything OTHER than God. I destroyed not only my own body physically and spiritually- but so many individuals were left for the worse after they had met me. Some of those people I have been able to reconcile relationship with and ask for their forgivness; obviously I was forgiven as well when I came to the Cross. Over the years I have had numerous ups and downs in both my walk with the Lord and as a father. However, God does not look at the short term (though He is concerned with our daily walk), but rather with the molding and shaping of our character. Very rarely do things happen overnight in regards to this- it is a lifelong process. Paul tells us in Phil 1:6, "For I am confident in this very thing, that He who began good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." (NASB)
Every time I have my daughter I watch with absolute awe and amazement of all that God is doing in her life. She is becoming stronger in her prayers every day; is very selfless when it comes to the wellbeing of others (a quaility rare in any 6 year old); and makes life decisions often beyond her years. It is because of the fruit like this that (without going into detail) my mentor once told me that if she is already portraying these type of Christ-like attributes, that my influence is definitely stronger than others in her life. I am not saying this by any means to diminish her mother's parenting. I am simply making the point that when we dads are completely sold out to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, despite our past mistakes- God will cleanse and establish us. Being faithful to His word, He will bless or children as well.
So here is my charge to you today Dad: Dig into God's Word and follow Jesus' commandments. Continue to strengthen your relationship with Him through prayer and take up your cross daily. Understand what your children need from you as their father and seek God in accomplishing this. Our Father expects very our best, and our children deserve no less. Be blessed man of God.
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