Are You Listening?

…And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains…but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. -1Kings 19:11-12 (NKJV)

            We had a great sermon on fasting yesterday- to “tune” ourselves to be able to hear and discern God’s voice in our lives. Sometimes we not only get so caught up in all of the busyness and noise of the world, but even our own prayers and petitions become such a one-way street that we don’t even give God a chance to speak- or for us to listen. As the above verse points out, God doesn’t always use the awesome and magnificent to communicate with us. Often it is just a soft whisper or some other means to get His point across. Such was the case for me recently that I got so caught up in what I want (or didn’t want) that I didn’t even bother to inquire to the Lord until I was all worked up.

            I’ve said it time and time again: we need to shut our lives down on a regular basis so we can move forward in the direction God wants us to go. This goes beyond our routine quiet time (hopefully you are at least getting that) and regular worship. To really hear and walk with God we have to get to a point where He is our sole focus. Fasting helps to drown out the worldly distractions, but also our physical too. I have noticed lately as I partook in a two week fast just how much more calm and “still” I am- all of which has allowed me to finally give God His due chance to reveal Himself to me. As human beings we all naturally share some of the same struggles, though not necessarily all at the same time or to the same degree.

            Perhaps you are struggling with being single right now (the holidays aren’t always easy when you are). If so, use this time to prepare and work on yourself so that God can put the right person in your life. I sure wouldn’t trust my own daughter with a guy who doesn’t measure up to God’s standards, so I imagine He wouldn’t either. Or maybe it’s finances (join the club). Fasting and tithing aren’t just for Sunday morning sermons and back in Old Testament times. They are a personal example of our loyalty and trust in God and His Word. If in fact times are tight right now financially, then there is no better time to lean on God and listen for instructions on how to proceed forward. As our pastor pointed out yesterday, so often people pull out at the last second from a faith move when they were right on the edge of a major breakthrough. Finally, maybe it’s a career or vocational move. Getting extremely quiet before the Lord for a significant period of time is essential when making such a big decision. Yes, God opens doors for us; but we need to be paying attention to the road too to avoid any hazards along the way.

            So wherever you find yourself today- flying or falling, on the clouds or in the valley, just know that our God is a God of the extraordinary; but sometimes that means in the most humble of ways. Something as simple as denying ourselves temporary pleasures now can pay off in eternal ways down the road- but only if we are willing to listen.

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven –Ecc 3:1

Away for the Holidays

For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my ways perfect. –Psalm 18:31-32 (NKJV)

            Well, it’s that time of year again: time for lights and bells, family and food, presents with our kids…or maybe not. Perhaps this is a time of year we as single parents may not be too fond of- especially if we are away from our children over the holidays. Co-parenting, split custody, and a variety of other factors may be inhibiting your chance to have a traditional Christmas morning with your kids; and it may be even more painful if this is your first year as a single parent. Coming from someone who has endured many a heartaches over the years as a single dad during the holidays, I sympathize with you. However, I also want to give you encouragement that this is not the end all, be all. Here are a few quick tips you can use to not only build yourself up, but also provide your children with a great Christmas- even if you’re not there.

1.      Prepare your heart

Before we do anything, let’s make sure our hearts are in the right place. Ask the Lord to remove any feelings of anger, guilt, or bitterness that may distract you from letting His love flow through this transition. David said it best in Psalm 57:7: “My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and give praise.” Be mindful to keep a soft heart during this season- one that is full of worship and praise for God.

2.      Connect with your kids

This may or not be an option for you. If it is, go ahead and make that phone call, send them a text, Skype, or any other means to talk with them. Use the time wisely to build them up with love and affirmation and wish them a very Merry Christmas. Don’t dwell on the negatives (even if you have to bite your tongue) and make sure whatever you say to them leaves them for the better that day (Eph 4:29).

 

3.      Laugh!

The Bible tells us that “a merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones.” (Prov 17:22)  Going back to the previous point, if you get the chance to talk with your son or daughter, make it a time of joy and laughter. This will leave everyone involved with a joyful and healing heart after the conversation is done. On the flip side, if you aren’t able to talk with them, a great alternative would be to reflect back on memories past with your kids, ones that bring you joy. You may even want share stories with others and tell them how much they make you happy.

 

4.      It’s just a day

We have no historical or Biblical records that suggest Jesus was actually born on December 25^th. Instead, we need to focus on the bigger picture: bringing our children up in Christ and preparing them for the world ahead. Yes, there is something special about Christmas morning; but let’s look at it this way: Which do you think would be more important- having your kids every year on Christmas Day and never instilling God’s Word into them…or using the time you DO have to love them and teach them His statues? Remember, we’re fighting for eternity here. And besides, kids really don’t care what the day is- as long as they get presents. 

5.      The greatest gift of all

Our human side tends to want to dominate our spirit constantly (Gal 5:17). It may sound cliché, but Jesus IS the reason we celebrate! A life lived apart from Him and the peace, promise, and joy He brings really isn’t much of a life at all. If you have already made the decision to follow Him as your Lord and Savior, then the rest is just added blessings. If you have not, today is a perfect day to hit your knees, confess your sins, and ask Jesus Christ to be the Lord of your life. God has given us the greatest gift of all in His Son. You may be apart from your son or daughter this year, but the Lord is not and your Father is longing to spend Christmas Day with you!

...I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. –Luke 2:10-11

Hold the Phone

…let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath –James 1:19 (NKJV)

 

            Anyone out there ever get off the phone with your ex and felt like calling right back to chew them out? Or how about when an unsavory text comes through and you feel like letting them have it, because it’s easier to speak your mind digitally versus talking it out civilly in person? Yeah, I thought so- me too.  

            Such was the case for me this past week when I asked my daughter’s mom via text message for a small favor. All I got back was a very short reply that did not accommodate my request. In a moment of frustration, the thoughts ran through my mind of what I would have really liked to say to her right then, but thank the Lord I bit my tongue. I didn’t even take a second to remember that just like an email, text messages can be easily misconstrued. I replied back with a simple “Ok” and let it go. To my surprise, she texted me back within a few minutes and had changed her mind, totally accommodating my request. This definitely would not have happened if I had overreacted and texted her back ASAP expressing my frustration. Yes, patience is a virtue. Later on that evening, she texted me with a simple request of her own: I had sort of let the cat out of the bag that our daughter was invited to a surprise birthday party and she asked me not to do that again. I didn’t reply back that evening because although I knew I had been in the wrong, I’m sure in an attempt to cover my own mistake I would’ve said something totally uncalled for back to her, even though she did nothing wrong. I’ll be the first to admit that we guys hate to be wrong- but that’s a whole nother blog post. Fast forward a couple days later and I found myself texting her back to apologize for telling our daughter about the party and said that I would be more conscious in the future not to do that again. She replied back with a simple “thank u”.

            Yes, the often non-stop drama or challenges of single and co-parenting can sometimes be quite draining, but that is never an excuse to be disobedient concerning our walk with God. Use these times as opportunities to grow yourself and to show Christ to your ex (or whoever else) what a true follower of Jesus looks like. If you do, I believe the end results will far exceed those if we were to take matters into our own hands; God will be glorified through it all; and everyone will come out winners- especially your children.

For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. –James 1:20

Marriage and Our Children

Behold, I set before you today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you today; and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the Lord your God… -Deut 11:26-28 (NKJV)

            On the way home from a conference in Georgia last week, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a man on the plane who is quite high in position in the world of fathering. We exchanged conversation regarding our individual ministries; one of the questions I found quite unique that he asked me was about how I minister to single dads when it comes to marriage. I must admit, it isn’t a topic that we discuss regularly; overcoming divorce, yes, but not marriage.

            Here was his point: for those of us who are single parents, do we want our children to grow up to be a single mom or a single dad as well? Of course not. “Then”, he went on to say, “you need to be showing and teaching your children what a godly marriage looks like.” Marriage, as an institution, is very healthy and God-ordained. Individuals often fail in marriage. For example, if you buy a brand new Mercedes, get drunk, and crash it, does that mean all Mercedes are destined to crash? Obviously not; but it is when the individual who was doing the driving broke the rules that the car crashed. Same principle applies here. No matter what sort of situation we may be in or come from, our job as Christian parents is to teach our kids from our mistakes; but more importantly, show them what God’s example for their life is. Yes, your marriage may have failed and it has left an ugly mark on your family. But that is no excuse to wallow in it and let your children see how the effects of marriage (and potential divorce) can taint their life. Instead, tell them where things went wrong (age appropriate and without slamming your ex) and how mom and dad may have failed…but God did not. Use God’s Word as the ultimate foundation of how He loves to bring us together in holy matrimony with the opposite sex, and the examples Jesus gives us on how to love unconditionally.

            For those of us who have never been married (myself included), this is an excellent time for personal growth and reflection, and to learn more about what the Bible tells us when it comes to the institution of Marriage. Marriage is not the enemy. Marriage as a God-created unification of two souls is one of the greatest things we can ever experience here during our short time on this earth. It is only when one or both of the individuals fail that things fall apart. We need to use wisdom and discernment to grow ourselves and pass the Lord’s truths on to our kids. So the next time you have your kids at the park, mall, or even at a wedding, and you see a married couple that is head over heels for each other, instead of retracting in your own personal bitterness or anger, use that as a rare opportunity to turn your son or daughter towards them and whisper in their ear, “That’s what I want for you one day.”

Giving Thanks

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. -1Cor 15:57 (NKJV)

            I know this is the time of the year when we are supposed to be extra sensitive to how thankful we are for everything; a time when we can reflect on all that we have been “blessed” with. The sad reality is that many of us say we are grateful, but really never express it otherwise; that we are “blessed”- but never give back; and we try to look at the good in everything, but can’t get past the darkness that is right in front of us. Now before you think I’m bum rushing the holiday season with a premature Ba- humbug!, hold on a second.

            I was at the mall yesterday with my daughter, taking in all of the holiday sights and scenes. Yes, I believe we are above and beyond blessed in this country; and yes- I think it is great to bless others with gifts. What got me though was the incredible amount of money (usually around $700 million dollars between Black Friday and Cyber Monday) we waste as a nation on stuff that carries absolutely zero eternal value. For example, $30+ for a teddy bear at Build-A-Bear. Did you know for the same amount of money you can sponsor a child with the Gospel, food, school, education, and medical treatment for one month?! That is just one small example. And tailing off of another blog I recently read about parents competing for and buying their children’s affection- I seriously suggest we get back to the basics of loving our kids first through our words and actions so that they may appreciate all the more better the things we do get for them.

            Finally, I realize there will be many of you this year who will not get to see your children for some of the upcoming holidays- I’m there with you. Just remember, Thanksgiving and Christmas are only days- it’s what they REPRESENT that matters the most. Are you thankful for your children? Then love on them every chance you get. Do you want to give them some really great gifts? Then start with the greatest gifts of all: teach them about Jesus and give them yourself. Holidays will come and go and even to those who had their kids every year, the pizazz will eventually wear off. What WILL last will be all of the little things they can hold on to long after we are gone: the small sacrifices we made for their benefit; the joy of being surprised with a “because I love you” and not because we felt pressured to; and teaching them about the ultimate sacrifice of love and joy- a little baby who would one day change the world forever and what He can do in their lives too.

While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. -2Cor 4:18

Be Careful Little Children What You See

“I’m watchin’ what I’m watchin’…” –Tripp Lee

                You know when you buy a new car how all of a sudden a bunch of the same cars you just purchased magically appear all over the place? Obviously, they didn’t just “appear”- they’ve always been there but your eyes were not trained to look for them. I just left the video store and man was I depressed! We already know that our culture is ridiculously overridden with sex and violence, but what really stuck out to me was the unbelievable number of DEMONIC movies out there. I’m not talking horror- I mean full blown satanic worship. Just like the cars, these movies may have always been there, but as I push closer to Christ, my mind and eyes are now much more alert to anything that opposes Him.

                According to a study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, kids and teens 8 to 18 years old spend nearly four hours a day in front of a TV screen and almost two additional hours on the computer (outside of schoolwork) playing video games- not to mention the time they spend in school, extracurricular activities, and with their friends. Here’s my point: With such minimal quality time available to spend with our kids, and with so many ungodly influences lurking nearby, as the spiritual heads of our kids we need to be speaking, teaching, and modeling Jesus to them whenever possible. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us to watch the way that we talk; but I would also say we are to be mindful to what goes INTO our heads too. Dads, are you staying on alert towards the enemy as Peter instructs us- guarding you and your kid’s heart and mind? Or, are you oblivious to what they are being exposed to, perhaps even falling short yourself and participating in music and movies any Christ follower has no business with? Sure, we may not be watching movies like the ones I mentioned above, but let’s face it- the vast majority of secular media is in no way God-honoring.

                Whether we choose to engage ourselves or not, there is a war for ours and our children’s souls going on all around us. God did not create us to lie down and play dead, and He sure as heck didn’t make us to be complacent. The Bible tells us that things are only going to get worse when it comes to values, family structure, and the way the world views God. The cool part is that if we choose- we can be completely exempt from the enemy’s plans and not only stand firm against his schemes, but protect and lead the next generation in Christ. Dad, God gives us clear direction to “examine ourselves”. Take inventory today and put your activities, hobbies, and passions up against His Word, removing anything that fails the test. By doing so, you will not only enhance your own walk with Him, but you will be able to influence your son or daughter to make a stand and show the world the Light it so desperately needs to see.

Test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. -1Thess 5:21-22

Updates from my email

Here is a link to an article that was forwarded to me today that some may find useful:

http://www.myfloridalaw.com/child-custody-law/helping-children-with-divorce/


Also, for those of you in the West Michigan area, you may want to check this out on Nov 13th:

The Grand Rapids Library is having an event on November 13^th on Child Support and Friend of the Court. See below:

Ask-a-Lawyer: Child Support & Friend of the Court
Wednesday, November 13, 2013, 6:00 pm
Main Library – 111 Library St NE

The Grand Rapids Public Library, in partnership with the Grand Rapids Bar Association, hosts this free series that aims to provide information about common legal issues. At each session, expert attorneys will give a 10 to 30-minute overview of their area of law, followed by a question-and-answer period. This month's topic: Child Support & Friend of the Court.