Marriage and Our Children

Behold, I set before you today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you today; and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the Lord your God… -Deut 11:26-28 (NKJV)

            On the way home from a conference in Georgia last week, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a man on the plane who is quite high in position in the world of fathering. We exchanged conversation regarding our individual ministries; one of the questions I found quite unique that he asked me was about how I minister to single dads when it comes to marriage. I must admit, it isn’t a topic that we discuss regularly; overcoming divorce, yes, but not marriage.

            Here was his point: for those of us who are single parents, do we want our children to grow up to be a single mom or a single dad as well? Of course not. “Then”, he went on to say, “you need to be showing and teaching your children what a godly marriage looks like.” Marriage, as an institution, is very healthy and God-ordained. Individuals often fail in marriage. For example, if you buy a brand new Mercedes, get drunk, and crash it, does that mean all Mercedes are destined to crash? Obviously not; but it is when the individual who was doing the driving broke the rules that the car crashed. Same principle applies here. No matter what sort of situation we may be in or come from, our job as Christian parents is to teach our kids from our mistakes; but more importantly, show them what God’s example for their life is. Yes, your marriage may have failed and it has left an ugly mark on your family. But that is no excuse to wallow in it and let your children see how the effects of marriage (and potential divorce) can taint their life. Instead, tell them where things went wrong (age appropriate and without slamming your ex) and how mom and dad may have failed…but God did not. Use God’s Word as the ultimate foundation of how He loves to bring us together in holy matrimony with the opposite sex, and the examples Jesus gives us on how to love unconditionally.

            For those of us who have never been married (myself included), this is an excellent time for personal growth and reflection, and to learn more about what the Bible tells us when it comes to the institution of Marriage. Marriage is not the enemy. Marriage as a God-created unification of two souls is one of the greatest things we can ever experience here during our short time on this earth. It is only when one or both of the individuals fail that things fall apart. We need to use wisdom and discernment to grow ourselves and pass the Lord’s truths on to our kids. So the next time you have your kids at the park, mall, or even at a wedding, and you see a married couple that is head over heels for each other, instead of retracting in your own personal bitterness or anger, use that as a rare opportunity to turn your son or daughter towards them and whisper in their ear, “That’s what I want for you one day.”