Saved versus Surrendered

Prior to my daughter’s birth, I lived quite a different life than I do now. I grew up in a single parent household. Despite a lot of affluence through things my parents gave to me, the lack of a full time father-figure and Christian foundation set the stage for the decisions I would make in the years to come. Beginning when I was 15 years old and lasting the next decade and a half, I engaged in a horrendous run of drug and alcohol addiction, sexual immorality, and self-destruction. During that time period I was arrested, overdosed twice, nearly killed in a car accident, and had a child out of wedlock.


Through the invitation of a coworker, I began to attend church early in 2001. Three weeks later, I responded to an altar call, prayed a prayer, and went home to tell everyone I had just gotten “saved”. But what did that mean? Surely I had just been introduced to the only saving grace I needed that could rescue me from my chaotic lifestyle and set me on a firm foundation─ but which way was I to go? The church never really followed up. No one ever scooped me up to mentor me. It was only a matter of time before I fell back into my old ways… The next six years that followed were really more like a roller coaster with God. I was good. I was bad. I had periods I pursued Him and stayed clean and sober; and there were times that I made some of my worst choices ever. I finally came to the end of myself after my daughter was born in 2006. Her mother and I were not on good terms and despite my upbringing, I knew I had been created to be better than what I had become. I wanted to be a great dad.


Early in 2007 a friend of mine invited me to attend his church, to which I accepted. As the pastor spoke my heart and began to burn with a passion and excitement like I had never experienced before. By the end of the service, I was making a beeline for the altar, and this time I knew what I was doing! As parents, our top priorities should be securing our own relationship with the Lord first, and then pouring into our families. For us single parents that may seem even more out of our grasp as we are constantly bogged down by juggling twice the responsibilities with half the help. It may be all we can do just to get the kids down for the night before we can get caught up with daily chores and then maybe even a little down time of our own. We may have really good intentions of spending time with God, but as it often goes, He usually gets pushed way to the back of a never-ceasing “to do” list. Before we know it, another week is in the books and outside of an hour or so at church, our walk with Him is all but nil. I often tell people that I may have gotten saved in 2001, but I fully surrendered to Jesus that morning in 2007. I was baptized a few months later and here I am today. Single parents, I know things may seem far from ideal right now, but look at the Cross. From the disciples’ point of view everything they had trusted and believed in, their whole world, had just died- literally. But the worst moment in history had to happen first so the greatest moment ever could take place.


Sometimes one thing has to die first so something greater can be born. If in fact you find yourself distant from a personal relationship with Jesus, today may be the day to begin that journey and lay it all down at His feet; because in God’s economy, surrender equals victory.


And they said to one another, “Did not our heart burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?" Luke 24:32 (NKJV)


When was the last time your heart was on fire for Christ?




*Originally published at http://www.1corinthians13parenting.com/ on November 24, 2014

The Daddy Gap is now live!

Upon hearing the news that his father has gone to jail, a 6 year old boy poses the question of this generation: "Who's going to take my dad's place?" The Daddy Gap takes an uncensored look at the distress today's single mothers and fatherless children face; plus the Church's role in it all.

You can order your copy here.

AFW Christmas Special!!!

Jesus tells us in Matthew 7 that every good tree bears good fruit. Over the past several years, A Father's Walk has been on the front lines when it comes to keeping single fathers involved in the lives of their children and to help turn generational curses into generational blessings.
We have been very influential in bringing 3 annual events to the West Michigan area: the Grand Rapids Single Parenting Expo, Father's Day at the Horse Ranch, and the Focus on Fathers conference. We have also published 2 books on single fatherhood and fatherless children (A Father's Walk: A Christian-Based Resource for Single Fathers and The Daddy Gap) and continue to lead the charge in helping churches across the nation to catch this vision.
Still, the harvest field is in greater need than ever and we have plenty of work to keep doing. Your (tax deductible) contribution of any size will allow us to continue our mission of "Helping a generation of children grow up WITH their fathers by serving and equipping all single dads in Jesus Christ." AND, from now through Christmas, every donation of $30 or more will receive a FREE copy of the AFW book- a great gift for any single father you may know!
You may donate directly online on our website: www.afatherswalk.org or mail a check to us at:
P.O. Box 9523
Wyoming, MI 49509
You gift today can and will make an impact for generations to come!

The Song

I had the opportunity to go see The Song the other day; and I can tell you that the movie definitely lived up to its hype! Based on the life of King Solomon, the film is a modern-day tale of a small town singer, his family, and his rise to fame─ and all the dangers that come along with money and power. The movie is intricately woven through Jeb King, the main character (and son of David King), and his narration which includes numerous passages of Scripture from both Ecclesiastes and the Song of Solomon.

Some will call this movie a great “date night” idea; some will say it is an excellent presentation of God’s Word through the silver screen. My answer to both is “yes”. For those of us who have a solid Biblical base, we are able to see how Jeb (Solomon) fell into the pits of temptation and how he realized it is all meaningless and fleeting when it comes to real love and what life is truly all about. It is a story of the forgiveness and redemption that we can bestow upon each other─ and ultimately of how God redeems us completely through His Son.

From a fathering perspective, I observed The Song as a great example of how so many men, husbands, and fathers have had their hearts led astray by fleshy lusts and empty desires from those who matter the most to them. James tells us, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust is conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished (full grown), it brings forth death. –James 1:14-15 (NASB, emphasis added)

 In the opening chapter of our upcoming book The Daddy Gap, my coauthor Dawn Walker states, There are things that God intended a father to provide that a mother at her best simply cannot. She was not designed to. God distinctly designed a man to be the leader of his home, the protector and provider for his family. At his best, he is the one who speaks love and truth into his sons and daughters, who instills security, worth and identity and whose example gives them a model of a Father in heaven who is trustworthy, faithful and strong. Unfortunately, we have an enemy who knows that if he can take out the leader, he can weaken, cripple and scatter those in his wake. The Bible says he prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). Sadly, he often succeeds, and when he does there are casualties. Today, record numbers of fathers have fallen prey to drug and alcohol addiction, violence, pornography, adultery, and other seemingly harmless lures that end in death; the death of a marriage, a family, and sometimes even the man himself. When this happens, instead of the example above, the father’s legacy can be devastating to generations of sons and daughters who feel abandoned, unprotected, unworthy. The saddest part of all is that they also get presented with a distorted picture of a God who is weak, unloving and not to be trusted.

I once heard former Korn guitarist Brian Welsh talk about the band’s literal and spiritual demise, the same time they were climbing the Billboard charts: “We were losing everything while we were gaining the world.” Every single one of the band member’s marriages ended in divorce, and addictions of all sorts consumed their lives and souls during this time period. It is only by God’s grace and mercy that Brian was able to find his way out of that lifestyle and into his own salvation through Jesus.

Men, where are you at with all of this today? Are you setting safety barriers in place so that the same fate that befell King David’s son does not fall upon your household? Do you have a heart that is completely and totally sold out for Christ no matter what, or are there other idols that are creeping in and beginning to suck His love out of you? Let me assure you that NONE of us are immune or exempt from the work of the devil when it comes to leading and guiding our families. It is only through our continued trust and dependence on Christ that we are able to withstand and ward off the spiritual assault of this world; and to raise a new generation of believers for God’s Kingdom─ beginning with our own children.

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. –Eph 2:4-7 (NKJV)

Random Thoughts for Today

My mind has been going all week with everything I currently have on my plate: some things require my immediate attention, others are months down the road; but yet, I am still on the inside. God has really been talking to me this week, revealing Himself through others, His Word and a book I am reading. I have been getting some good one on one time with my daughter lately, but sometimes I feel as if we aren’t “clicking” like we used to. She’s growing up fast and I know that. Days and times I could usually bank on for spending time with her are slowly being replaced with sports, dance, and friends. I’m not alarmed though, because we have an amazing relationship and I know all is not lost.

This morning was bittersweet. I attended one of here cheerleading games and my heart was pounding with Daddy pride as I watched her cheer away; but also filled with heartache as her mom, stepdad, and the rest of their family sat on the other side of the bleachers. My daughter definitely paid more attention to them being there, but did come over to my side of the railing a couple times to talk with me and steal my water bottle. Even though we did not converse much, I knew my being there mattered. I kept playing in my head the fact that one day she may sit back as an adult and realize, You know, my dad was always at my games. In fact, he was always at almost everything I participated in. She may realize this when I’m still alive and thank me for it; she may realize it after I’m long gone; or it may never occur to her at all. Doesn’t matter, because I am doing what I am supposed to do: being a dad.

As grateful as I am to God for all He has blessed me with, my heart still breaks for the dads out there who don’t get to experience these sorts of days as often as they should. Even more so, the Lord has put a flame in my heart that keeps growing for fatherless youth - and I keep pondering, What am I going to do about it? I also fast forward to the possibility that I may one day be able to have a full family of my own. My daughter will always be my firstborn, but I have completely entrusted her to God and realize that I am not the one who is ultimately in control of her life- He is. If in fact I DO get married and have more children, then I am in a covenant with God to love, lead, and steward them all to the best of my ability.

So yeah, I do have a lot going on─ and it shows no intent of slowing down. But I (we) MUST slow down; because if we allow the hype or drama of life to control our course, then we may fall off the path that has been so graciously laid out for us.

A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. –Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)

Standing in the Gap: The Value of Mentoring

In his book Good to Great in God’s Eyes, author and pastor Chip Ingram states one of my all-time favorite quotes: “A master’s ceiling can become his disciple’s floor if the disciple knows how to absorb the lessons of the master’s life.” In my own experience, I have witnessed countless times the importance, significance, and eternal impact that mentoring creates. I truly believe every one of us should have a mentor and/or an accountability partner because God blesses us with other godly individuals in our walks with Him to help keep us on the straight and narrow.

 

However, there are literally MILLIONS of children going to bed tonight (many right in our own neighborhoods) who do not have that affirmation and protection they so desperately need to make it in today’s society.

 

I’m just going to lay it out to all of us Christian parents: I believe it is our responsibility to seek out and build up today’s youth who may not have strong parental figures of their own.
Obviously mentoring begins at home with our own kids, but I can almost assure you there is a child in need of a little (or a lot!) of guidance within your sphere of influence. Please understand I am not challenging everyone reading this to jump into a full-time mentoring role, but even small amounts of encouragement and generosity can go a long way in a child’s life.

If, in fact, you do find yourself being led to mentor a youth, here are a few quick points to get you going:

1. Be Consistent
Almost without a doubt, a troubled youth has had more than one parent, parental figure, or friend bail in the child’s life. If you do decide to become a mentor, establishing a set day, time, and duration will bring a welcome change of consistency in his or her life.

2. Be Authentic
Despite what the child’s outside life may look like to us, there may be underlying issues such as being lied to, abused (in any form), or manipulated. We are ALL damaged individuals, the difference being as Christian adults we are now capable of trusting and turning it over to Christ. This may or may not be an option for your mentee, so keep that in mind.

3. Be Faithful
There is so much to be said for Christians who actually live their faith out transparently on a daily basis. Stay true to that while mentoring too. Show the love of Jesus through your words or actions and allow the Holy Spirit to direct the relationship. When we do, lives are impacted and generations are changed for God’s glory.

And the King will answer and say to them,
“Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren,
you did it to Me.”
Matt 25:40 (NKJV)

 

Moms and dads, who is the Lord leading you today to begin investing in as a mentor?

 

 

*Origianlly posted at www.1Corinthians13Parenting.com on August 22, 2014

Parents: 4 Reasons Why You Need Them

Our final guest blogger of the month is a good friend of mine, Rod Arters. Rod is an extremely passionate and talented writer and contributes to such sites as Crosswalk.com. To follow Rod's blog, please visit http://rodarters.wordpress.com/.

During my teenage years, the musical genre "hip hop" was born. During my senior year in high school, one of the leading hip hop artists was DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. (You know the "Fresh Prince" today as Will Smith, famous Hollywood actor.) The group had just produced a hit song titled, "Parents just don't understand." I certainly felt that way and listened to that song repeatedly. Though my parents seemed to have occasional bouts of sanity, most times I thought they were from another planet. They obviously had never been teenagers themselves. Now, with some age and maturity under my belt, I realize that they too have gotten a lot smarter as they grew up.

And though God is the Source of wisdom and we certainly should ask Him for it, there is another person close to you that possesses a great deal of wisdom; your parent. When Solomon was imploring his children to seek his wisdom, he did not implore them to do so because he was crowned the Bible's wisest man. No, in fact, he begs his children to listen to him simply because he is “Dad.” Below are 4 reasons why your parents are a great source of wisdom for you to learn from.

1) They are wiser than you. Though they may not possess the wisdom of Solomon, they certainly are wiser than you. Glean from their wisdom. Learn all that you can while you can. It would be a shame to have been given such close proximity for so long to not take full advantage of all they could teach you. How many of us only appreciate what we have been given after it is gone? Having lost my biological father when I was five years old, I certainly wish I had access to his wisdom today.

2) They are older than you. Simply having lived 20 to 30 years before you came along means they have 2 or 3 decades of experience with this thing called “Life.” Do anything for 20 or 30 years and you will begin to acquire wisdom on that very subject. Do not forget the number of years that separates you from your mother and father. Though you may “feel” you know a lot, you actually know quite little in comparison to them. You may know more about your particular job, but they have a PHD in LIFE and the only way you acquire that prestigious degree is by blowing out birthday candles. Lots of them.

3) They have made more mistakes than you. Rita Mae Brown once said, "Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment." Sinful choices often breed wisdom. The more mistakes they have made, the more wisdom (oftentimes) they have acquired. Since your parents have a 20 or 30 year head start on you in regards to mistakes, they also have the same lead in regards to wisdom. All parents have made choices that they wish they never made. And since those choices are often lined with deep regret, nothing would please your parents more than to see their own children avoid the same traps. Learn from their mistakes so you do not have to make them yourself.

4) They are invested. No one has invested more in you (or loves you more) than your parents. Consider the investment they have made in you so far. Who sustained you when you could not sustain yourself? Who taught you how to walk and talk? Who has assisted you with homework night after night so that you might get the grade that will get the diploma that will get the job that will allow you to make the income to become a contributing member of society? Ask the experts and you will find that it costs over $200,000 to raise a child from birth to 18 years of age. Consider that investment. The next time you ask your parents for $20 and they say, “No,” remember they have already given you much more than that. Parents invest and then re-invest over and over again. Oftentimes, parents do not see their ROI (return on investment) for years. In spite of it, they continue to try and give and teach and plead so that their precious investment might acquire something that took them far too long to achieve... wisdom.

You can hear this pleading in Solomon's tone as he writes to his children:

§  Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. (Proverbs 1:8-9)

§  My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. (Proverbs 3:1-2)

§  My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.
Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble. When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. (Proverbs 3:21-24)

§  Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.
I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother. Then he taught me, and he said to me, “Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Cherish her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. She will give you a garland to grace your head and present you with a glorious crown. (Proverbs 4:1-8)

Begin today to seek wisdom. Though everyone needs wisdom, youth need it more since their lack of experience deprives them of it. Wisdom is the one gift that God desires to give to all people (James 1) and He puts heavy doses of it in your closest ally; your parents.

“Keep your Father’s word and treasure Mom’s commandments within you. Keep their commandments and live… bind them on your fingers and write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, ‘You are my sister’ and call understanding your intimate friend.” (Proverbs 7:1-4)