My mind has
been going all week with everything I currently have on my plate: some things
require my immediate attention, others are months down the road; but yet, I am
still on the inside. God has really been talking to me this week, revealing
Himself through others, His Word and a book I am reading. I have been getting
some good one on one time with my daughter lately, but sometimes I feel as if
we aren’t “clicking” like we used to. She’s growing up fast and I know that.
Days and times I could usually bank on for spending time with her are slowly being
replaced with sports, dance, and friends. I’m not alarmed though, because we
have an amazing relationship and I know all is not lost.
This morning
was bittersweet. I attended one of here cheerleading games and my heart was
pounding with Daddy pride as I watched her cheer away; but also filled with
heartache as her mom, stepdad, and the rest of their family sat on the other
side of the bleachers. My daughter definitely paid more attention to them being
there, but did come over to my side of the railing a couple times to talk with
me and steal my water bottle. Even though we did not converse much, I knew my
being there mattered. I kept playing in my head the fact that one day she may
sit back as an adult and realize, You
know, my dad was always at my games. In fact, he was always at almost
everything I participated in. She may realize this when I’m still alive and
thank me for it; she may realize it after I’m long gone; or it may never occur
to her at all. Doesn’t matter, because I am doing what I am supposed to do: being
a dad.
As grateful
as I am to God for all He has blessed me with, my heart still breaks for the
dads out there who don’t get to experience these sorts of days as often as they
should. Even more so, the Lord has put a flame in my heart that keeps growing for fatherless youth -
and I keep pondering, What am I going to
do about it? I also fast forward to the possibility that I may one day be
able to have a full family of my own. My daughter will always be my firstborn,
but I have completely entrusted her to God and realize that I am not the one
who is ultimately in control of her life- He is. If in fact I DO get married
and have more children, then I am in a covenant with God to love, lead, and
steward them all to the best of my ability.
So yeah, I do
have a lot going on─ and it shows no intent of slowing down. But I (we) MUST
slow down; because if we allow the hype or drama of life to control our course,
then we may fall off the path that has been so graciously laid out for us.
A man’s heart plans his way, but the
Lord directs his steps. –Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)
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