Blessed
is the man who perseveres under trial… -James 1:12 (NASB)
It’s back to school time and there are a thousands of blogs, articles,
interviews, and whatnot going out on the subject (no pun intended); but I
seriously doubt many (maybe a few tops) will deal with non-custodial single
fathers. I’m not saying that to brag that I had some Devine vision or anything,
but I definitely don’t want to be redundant and repeat what countless other
authors are agreeing or disagreeing on. Instead, I will stick with my little
niche here and do my best to help those dads that often fall through the
cracks.
As most of you may know, I have been a non-custodial dad since day
one. The upcoming school year always brings up a variety of emotions for me. Of
course there is always excitement and some good old-fashioned (not sinful) daddy-pride
as my daughter ventures into a new grade. The wonder of what we will get to do
and experience and watching as it all unfolds over the course of the year is
always super fun. Yet, there is usually a bit of anxiety that I need to lay
down too. Things have changed over the past couple years for me. My daughter’s
mom got married and that has brought in a variety of dynamics and complications-
especially when it comes to school. Rather than dwell on boring downers, let’s
take a brief and thorough look at what we as dads can do to make sure our kids
not only have a blast this school year, but thrive and succeed too
Pray
Do the math. Even in two parent homes our kids are usually in someone
else’s care more than our own. As single fathers, that ratio is even more
lopsided. Ezekiel 22:30 says God is looking for a man to “stand in the gap” on
behalf of others. As fathers, that should be our number one priority when our
children are away from us. Be specific: cover them in safety, blessing,
schoolwork, friendships, decision-making, and so on. And of course, make sure
you are praying with them every chance you get as well.
Stay
Involved
Numerous studies have shown that children with active and engaged
fathers, especially in schoolwork, are generally more confident and emotionally
stable, deal with stress better, and do better overall in school and cognitive
ability. I know our time with our kids may be limited, but play time is not
what we are called to do- leading and preparing our children for adulthood is.
Use your time with your kids to get homework done first- then go play. If you
don’t have access to homework, stay in the loop by reading with them, doing
flash cards, and various educational workbooks from the store. For older kids
make sure you emphasize the importance of them staying on track with schoolwork
and maybe even use the time together to do some research on certain topics. Whatever
helps them to grow and spend quality time with their dad is a plus.
Go
around if need be
Look, peace with mom should always be a top goal of ours (Matt 22:39).
However, that may not always be possible. It seems like every year I have to go
to the school and make sure my contact info is in my daughter’s file; that I
have to contact the teachers on the side to stay updated; and schedule a
separate conference. Do your own homework and get on the school’s website or
email the teacher directly to learn more information. What I’ve found out is
most of the time schools and teachers LOVE having dads involved. Of course, do
everything in a Christ-like way and never bad mouth the other party.
Be at
school events
This is an area so many dads miss out on- even the married ones. As
long as there are no outside factors inhibiting you such as work schedule or
worse- legal documents (like a PPO), then making it to your son’s or daughter’s
games, concerts, conferences, and other events should be mandatory. Not only does
this increase your physical presence in their life- but also the emotional. It
shows them that you really care and once they are grown and look back on life,
they will be able to say, “My dad was always there as much as he could be.” You
can also look for other opportunities to see them, like volunteering through
the school or getting involved in great programs such as Watch D.O.G.S.
I realize all of this may or may not apply to your particular situation,
and I’m sure there is probably some other scenarios I did not cover. The point
is that as single dads, communication between us and mom, the school, and
perhaps our children isn’t always the smoothest; but no matter what, we need to
make the strongest effort we can to stay involved and encouraging when it comes
to our kids’ schooling. Steward to the best of your ability the things that are
within your control- and leave the rest in God’s hands. When you do, you not
only fill your obligation as a godly dad, but develop strong character traits
that help you grow in your walk with Christ.
Cursed
is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength…Blessed is the man
who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord. –Jer
17:5,7 (NKJV)
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