Separating the Wheat From the Tares

Read Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43

We recently had a scandal breakout here in West Michigan regarding one of our most popular Christian radio hosts who was convicted on CSC charges with a minor. I am not going to dwell on the specifics; it’s gotten enough media attention already. Instead, I am going to use this small amount of space to address some key points in this case, as well as all of the “Christian bashing” that has accompanied this tragedy.

 

No One is Immune

The Bible tells us that we all fall of God’s standards (Rom 3:10, 23). Whether or not someone proclaims to be a “Christian” or works in a Christian atmosphere does not automatically exempt them from the enemy’s plan. In fact, anyone who is a true believer is actually considered to be more accountable than those who are not (Phil 3:16, James 3:1). It’s one thing to occasionally fall into random sin; it’s another to be consumed in a lifestyle that denies God and His holiness. The former is natural for all of us; the latter is when we let go of God’s hand and authority in our own life.

Life or Death

Paul tells us in Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”. This man made choices and played a deadly game that ultimately led to not only his demise, but the destruction of countless other lives─ including his victim’s childhood innocence. Let’s be straight up on this one: Evil comes in all forms─ sometimes it's directly head on, but usually in subtle disguise. It is not the result of random chance, but is precisely and specifically orchestrated by a much darker force (Eph 6:12, John 10:10a). As James points out, our fleshy desires will lead us down a path that ultimately will destroy us, either physically, spiritually, or both (James 1:14-15). The only way to avoid the destruction of sin is to be FULLY and CONTINUALLY embedded in God’s will and to live a life that fears Him, is built on His Word, and grounded in faith in Christ.

 

One Day It Will All Be Sorted Out

The comments and shear hatred that follow every time this story has been posted online are absolutely disgusting. I am by no mean’s justifying this man’s actions, but I am seeing a virtual war of slashing and bashing being traded back and forth between believers and non-believers like a Wimbledon match. Jesus makes it very clear in the passage from Matthew 13: the good have been sown into this world with the bad, and often they are indistinguishable from each other right now. Someone who appears to live a godly life and put on the greatest of fronts may fool us down here, but one day God will reap through our world in His final and sovereign judgment and only those who are truly His will escape eternal punishment. There will be no exceptions.

 

Our One True Hope

The non-believers in this case cannot understand how a good God would allow an innocent child to be taken advantage of by an adult; and why forgiveness is still an option. I even saw one commenter who could not understand how his sin of cussing regularly could even be compared to something as offensive as this case. Or, how can someone who lives a sinful life but (truly) repents at the end of life make it to Heaven but a “good” overall and unrepentant person not? Genesis 18:25 asks, “Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?” The Bible also tells us that God has done all He needs to for our eternity with Him to be secured (Rom 5:8). Big or little, our sin is repulsive to God. Our finite minds also cannot grasp the magnitude of His ways (Isaiah 55:9); and what we must understand is that absolutely NOTHING that hasn’t been cleansed by the blood of Christ will enter His Kingdom. So instead of keeping score and trying to make up our own “judgment scale” along the way, perhaps we should turn our hearts and eyes to the only One qualified to not only judge us correctly, but more importantly…love us unconditionally.

For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. -2Cor 5:10

Celebrating Father's Day as a Single Dad

Okay, so I know the title may sound a little contradictory…why would we actually celebrate anything as a single parent?! I agree, because I know single parenting brings in brokenness of some form. There may have been the brokenness of a marriage or a relationship, the loss of a loved one, or in my case─ brokenness from having a child out of wedlock. (Any time we are outside of God’s statutes we are broken…FYI).

But, as followers of Jesus, we have both the ability and the responsibility to lay our hurts and faults at His feet so that He can begin the restoration process.

My daughter’s mom and I were never married, so I cannot say that I completely understand the emotional destruction a divorce or death of a loved one can bring; but I am engaged with single dads of divorce every week. Yes, there is a time to mourn and grieve, but God never expects us to wallow in our pain for the rest of our life either. Jesus didn’t die to simply release us from sin’s grip; but to RECONCILE us back to our original relationship with our Father!
Look at it this way: If you are involved in some capacity in your children’s physical and spiritual upbringing, then you are WAY ahead of a good portion of today’s dads! According to an article on usatoday.com, dads (including married ones) spend an average of about 1 hour a day with their kids. One advantage to single parenting is we usually get more undivided time with our kids than married parents often do. AND, when Dad attends church with his kids, the probability of the kids growing up to be church attenders themselves jumps from 2% if Dad doesn’t attend at all to 50-75% when he does! So to say that your presence doesn’t matter is completely false─ because single dad or not, you DO matter in your son’s or daughter’s life! Perhaps you are new to this whole single parent thing and this is your first Father’s Day in your new role. Please know that even then you are by no means exempt from God’s calling to raise your children in Christ and prepare them for adulthood! (We may just have to work a little harder at it, that’s all)

So go ahead and celebrate Father’s Day, Dad.

You deserve it. Just be sure to celebrate your Heavenly Father first…and then thank Him for the amazing gift of fatherhood!

As a single father, how will you celebrate God’s goodness in your life this Father’s Day?

I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me;
and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God,
who loved me and gave Himself up for me.
Galatians 2:20 (NASB)

Originally published at www.1Corinthians13Parenting.com on June 9, 2014

"The Daddy Gap" podcast

Here is the podcast I just recorded with my coauthor Dawn Walker of Single Parent Missions for our soon to be released book "The Daddy Gap". Look for it this summer!

http://www.woodradio.com/media/podcast-a-fathers-walk-single-dads-podcast-AFathersWalkPodcast/a-fathers-walk-6214-24847043/

What I Have Learned from My Internship at a Father’s Walk

(From Matt): Today's blog post comes from a recent intern here at AFW named Connor Sterchi. Here are his words of what he learned from his internship. I pray you are as blessed by his words as I am by his work and friendship...

            From February to May 2014 I interned at A Father’s Walk (AFW).  It has been a rewarding and fruitful experience and I am confident that much of what I have learned will remain with me throughout my spiritual, familial, and vocational life.
 

            Before I worked as an intern at AFW, I knew that it was important for a father to be involved in the lives of his kids.  I knew this partly from biblical precedent (e.g. Deut. 4:9; 6:7; Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4) and partly from personal experience (e.g. the meaningful and lasting impact of my own dad’s involvement in my life).  I was blessed to have been raised by a loving mom and dad, both of whom were consistently involved in my life.  Before interning at AFW, I understood the importance of fatherhood involvement when it comes to the healthy development and growth of children.

            What I didn’t know, however, was that a father’s involvement in the life of his kids is not just supplemental—it’s fundamental.  I didn’t know that the positive advantages of fatherhood involvement (e.g. increase in children’s educational performance) are as potent as the negative consequences of fatherhood absence (e.g. children from fatherless homes are 20 times more likely to end up in prison, 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders, 32 times more likely to run away, 9 times more likely to drop out of high school). When I presented these statistics for my internship class presentation at Calvin College, my classmates were visibly flabbergasted by these figures.

            At the moment I’m still single.  I’m not a father—not even close to being one.  But I have garnered several lessons from my time at AFW that will invariably carry over to the future if, God willing, I become a father one day.  I want to be a Christ-like example for my kids in every aspect of life.  That would include fathering in a way that is heartfelt and even-tempered, reading the Bible and praying with them daily, going to church with them consistently.  From my time at AFW, I have learned that those last three items cannot be underestimated.  We are living in a day and age in which children are exposed to manifold messages and philosophies—from school, from friends, from teachers, from commercials, from television shows.    But the good from these external sources is often eclipsed by the godlessness, materialism, exploitation, objectification, and idolatry that are inherent in many of the modern-day messages that kids are exposed to incessantly.  Thus, fathers—whether married, remarried, divorced, or single—should be aware of the pivotal role that they have in the lives of their kids as critical influencers—for better or for worse.

            I will always remember something that Matt Haviland said to me during one of our meetings: If fathers don’t influence their children, someone or something else will.  That’s a true and proven axiom.  Yet how readily is that God-given and sacred responsibility of fathers avoided, deferred, neglected, or set aside. Recently while listening to Moody Radio, I heard a pastor talking about the significance of parents when it comes to the spiritual lives of their children.  He said that children are like concrete.  When concrete is first poured, it is still soft and watery, still pliable.  But soon after it is poured, it hardens and permanently solidifies… So I want to be a dad that invests time and energy into the lives of my kids—a dad that speaks genuinely and frequently about “the praises of the LORD, and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done” (Psa. 78:4 NASB).

            Though as a single man without kids, I can only speak hopefully and expectantly about fatherhood.  I can learn and garner much from fathers—whether married or single—that have experienced the struggles, triumphs, successes, failures, and lessons that inevitably come with the territory of being a father.  So while I would love to have a family and kids one day, my hope and prayer is that I would submit to God’s sovereign and secret will, whatever it might be and wherever it might lead.  And I know that whatever it takes to be a good father—love, peace, patience, steadfastness, faithfulness, resolution, fortitude, integrity, or endurance—cannot possibly come from my own strength or willpower.  It can only come from the triune God who is the giver and provider of “every good and perfect gift” (Jas. 1:7) and “the sustainer of my soul” (Psa. 54:4; cf. Jer. 31:25; Isa. 40:29; Gal. 5:22; 2 Tim. 1:7).

Battle of the Sexes

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. –John 13:34 (NKJV)

                Recently, I posted the following question on Facebook: What is one thing you wish the other parent would do or that you could work out with them? Not surprising, this opened a floodgate of responses and emotions. Below are the answers I received back…followed up by a passage of Scripture for you to look up (please take the time to do this!) if in fact there is a certain statement(s) you can relate to. Please also note, we cannot “fix” the other parent, but we CAN pray for them! Some of these scriptures may not apply directly to your situation, but rather to the sort of response YOU can have towards whatever you may be facing. Keep your side of the street clean; entrust the rest to God.

 

*I wish he would be part of my daughter’s life…she is 5½ and he has never seen her and has no interest (Psalm 57:7, 86:11-12)

*Respecting the child’s wish to see other parent instead of keeping them away (Romans 12:19)

*Discipline the children instead of playing friend role…no rules at his house…makes me the “mean” parent (Eph 6:4)

*Quit pretending that we are friends…you want to be friends? Fine, then there is a conversation that needs to take place between us first. (Proverbs 18:21, Luke 6:45)

*(From a widow): I wish we had been more purposeful about writing things ahead…setting up wills and affairs before a crisis (1Tim 4:3-4, James 1:27)

*Stick to a schedule and work on discipline techniques with me (Prov 13:24, 3:5-6, 33)

*Work on a set schedule and don’t waiver from it…sets the kids up for disappointment and makes them feel unimportant…all they want is for both parents to love them and make them feel secure (Psalm 37:1,8)

*Respect and comply with the judge’s orders… (Romans 13:1-2)

*Both parties always feel they are right and the other is wrong. They carry the “I’m the better parent card”…name calling, [which leads to] kids realizing who they would prosper most with and all but one reside with me now… (Prov 15:1, Philippians 2:3, Eph 4:26-27, 29)

*Honest, open communication…healthy, stable parental figure, kids first over extracurricular activities (Matt 22:38, John 15:13)

*I wish my ex-wife would do something, ANYTHING to show she cares for the kids. It breaks my heart to see the hurt and anger in my kids. (Psalm 34:18)

*Acting “as if I do not exist anymore”…one cannot co-parent like that. (Romans 12:17-18)

                One thing I have found out in single parent ministry: there are thousands of dynamics and possibilities when it comes to single parenting situations; so obviously this is a rather broad recap of some frequent issues we all may come across. Although I cannot provide a “one size fits all” magical solution to the examples above, I have also come to understand that I should not try. Jesus is the ONLY one qualified to handle such a task…and He already has. The writer of Hebrews tells us that we have a High Priest that has suffered in every way we ever could (and then some!) and has cleared a path back to our Father for reconciliation and restoration. As I have said before, don’t try to fight a spiritual battle in the flesh. Fight spiritual battles in the spirit, for that is where the battle (and victory) truly lays!

These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world. –John 16:33 (NASB)

YouTube videos- 2

Here are 3 more new YouTube videos from AFW. Please check them out and pass them on!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8yCZT6_uOY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkvxXc-nnC8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSCnTV99uzA

Being the Best Single Father You Can Be

            Single parenting in any form is often quite challenging, if not extremely difficult. Rather than our allies, time and resources are usually against us; and there is always the potential emotional rollercoaster due to resistance from the other parent or family members. As single fathers, we must come to the realization that some circumstances are within our realm of influence, but many will be out of our hands. In times like these, we have the opportunity to rise to the occasion and keep our focus on our walk with the Lord and our children. To help you filter through the chaos that can quite often impair our better judgment, here are a few quick tips to help you be a great single father─ even in the most imperfect of circumstances.

1.      Stay grounded

Jesus gives us clear examples throughout the Gospels that storms WILL hit, but our foundation must be built on Him alone and through Him we can do anything. Despite everything that may be going on all around, make it a point to stay in the Word and prayer, and surround yourself with a strong and godly support system.

2.      Check your emotions at the altar

Anger, bitterness, worry and doubt will eat you alive if left unattended. Again, we are called to serve Christ first, and then our children. Even if you are struggling in some of the above examples, find a healthy outlet such as a pastor or mentor to vent to. Definitely stay strong for your children, all while learning what it means to “love thy neighbor”.

 

3.      Know your position

Paul gives us clear instruction in Ephesians 6:4: Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (NASB, emphasis added) Whether you are a full-time or every other weekend dad, God has given US the specific task as our kid’s spiritual leader. Pray with your kids, take them to church, and model Jesus in some way whenever possible. The rewards will be eternal.

 

4.      Render to Caesar…

Part of being a servant leader is following the laws of the land. Stay up to date on child support and/or alimony. You can always file an appeal later. And, render what is God’s too: so keep your heart right when it comes to tithing.

 

5.      You are Dad- for life!

I definitely know how bad it can sting being limited by another person or the courts. But our role as Dad doesn’t stop at 18. Our greatest job as fathers (married or single) is to lead our kids in Christ and prepare them for adulthood. So no matter where you find yourself in all of this today, hold fast to God’s Word and all of the promises He gives us and look past the now towards the glory to be revealed.

 

What steps can you apply today to be the very best single father you can be?

 

Note: Originally published at www.1Corinthians13Parenting.com on March 14, 2014