Before I worked as an intern at AFW,
I knew that it was important for a father to be involved in the lives of his
kids. I knew this partly from biblical
precedent (e.g. Deut. 4:9; 6:7; Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4) and partly from personal
experience (e.g. the meaningful and lasting impact of my own dad’s involvement
in my life). I was blessed to have been
raised by a loving mom and dad, both of whom were consistently involved in my
life. Before interning at AFW, I
understood the importance of fatherhood involvement when it comes to the
healthy development and growth of children.
What I didn’t know, however, was
that a father’s involvement in the life of his kids is not just supplemental—it’s fundamental. I didn’t know
that the positive advantages of
fatherhood involvement (e.g. increase in children’s educational performance) are
as potent as the negative
consequences of fatherhood absence (e.g. children from fatherless homes are 20
times more likely to end up in prison, 20 times more likely to have
behavioral disorders, 32 times more likely to run away, 9 times more
likely to drop out of high school). When I presented these statistics for my
internship class presentation at Calvin College, my classmates were visibly
flabbergasted by these figures.
At the moment I’m still single. I’m not a father—not even close to being
one. But I have garnered several lessons
from my time at AFW that will invariably carry over to the future if, God
willing, I become a father one day. I
want to be a Christ-like example for my kids in every aspect of life. That would include fathering in a way that is
heartfelt and even-tempered, reading the Bible and praying with them daily,
going to church with them consistently. From
my time at AFW, I have learned that those last three items cannot be
underestimated. We are living in a day
and age in which children are exposed to manifold messages and
philosophies—from school, from friends, from teachers, from commercials, from television
shows.
But the good from these
external sources is often eclipsed by the godlessness, materialism, exploitation,
objectification, and idolatry that are inherent in many of the modern-day
messages that kids are exposed to incessantly.
Thus, fathers—whether married, remarried, divorced, or single—should be
aware of the pivotal role that they have in the lives of their kids as critical
influencers—for better or for worse.
I will always remember something
that Matt Haviland said to me during one of our meetings: If fathers don’t
influence their children, someone or something else will. That’s a true and proven axiom. Yet how readily is that God-given and sacred
responsibility of fathers avoided, deferred, neglected, or set aside. Recently
while listening to Moody Radio, I heard a pastor talking about the significance
of parents when it comes to the spiritual lives of their children. He said that children are like concrete. When concrete is first poured, it is still
soft and watery, still pliable. But soon
after it is poured, it hardens and permanently solidifies… So I want to be a dad
that invests time and energy into the lives of my kids—a dad that speaks
genuinely and frequently about “the praises of the LORD, and His strength and
His wondrous works that He has done” (Psa. 78:4 NASB).
Though as a single man without kids,
I can only speak hopefully and expectantly about fatherhood. I can learn and garner much from
fathers—whether married or single—that have experienced the struggles,
triumphs, successes, failures, and lessons that inevitably come with the
territory of being a father. So while I
would love to have a family and kids one day, my hope and prayer is that I
would submit to God’s sovereign and secret will, whatever it might be and
wherever it might lead. And I know that
whatever it takes to be a good father—love, peace, patience, steadfastness,
faithfulness, resolution, fortitude, integrity, or endurance—cannot possibly
come from my own strength or willpower.
It can only come from the triune God who is the giver and provider of
“every good and perfect gift” (Jas. 1:7) and “the sustainer of my soul” (Psa.
54:4; cf. Jer. 31:25; Isa. 40:29; Gal. 5:22; 2 Tim. 1:7).
